Hallmark cards you'll NEVER see

  1. card #1:
    my tire was thumping
    i thought it was flat
    when i looked at the tire
    i noticed your cat...sorry!

    card #2:
    you had your bladder removed
    and you're on the mends.
    here's a bouquet of flowers,
    and a box of depends.

    card#3:
    happy vasectomy!
    hope you feel zippy!
    cause when i had mine,
    i got real snippy...

    card#4:
    heard your wife left you,
    how upset you must be.
    but don't fret about it,
    she moved in with me!

    card #5:
    we heard you were sick
    too bad for you.
    the office is happy
    we hope you're through!

    card #6:
    you're computer is dead,
    it was once so great.
    don't you regret installing
    windows '98?

    happy card shopping!
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  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   gwenith


    I wrote the following poem some years ago when I was leaving a job I had had for many years.


    To My Colleagues

    No card could have told
    How much you've meant to me
    The memories that I hold
    Will ever precious be

    The adversity we faced
    together and apart
    yet in each our trust we placed
    and held us in our heart

    The laughter that we shared
    rang throughout the place
    perhaps because WE dared
    to keep a happy face

    So do not grieve I have gone
    Nor miss me or feel sorrow
    "Cause we'll always have a phone
    And I'll be ringing you tomorrow!


    Definitely hallmark material - NOT!
  4. by   nursedawn67
  5. by   jnette
    originally posted by night owl
    card #6:
    you're computer is dead,
    it was once so great.
    don't you regret installing
    windows '98?

    happy card shopping!
    noooooooo !!! don't say that ! i'm getting ready to upgrade this ol' 95 to a 98 !!!

    loved the cards... pretty darn funny ! :chuckle
  6. by   H ynnoD
    My tire was thumping,I thought it was flat,When I looked at the tire,I noticed your cat...sorry
    Gave this one to my wife.When we first got married I accidently ran over her cat while she was in the car.It really sucked
  7. by   Rustyhammer
    The other night
    was really GREAT!
    But I really must tell you,
    I'm two weeks late.
    -R
  8. by   night owl
  9. by   Angelica
    O.K. this isn't funny, but I received a Hallmark card yesterday from a neighbor that read "Special wishes for you as you receive your nursing degree". Loved the card (my neighbor's a sweetheart), but I had NO IDEA that Hallmark made cards that specific.
  10. by   Spidey's mom
    Originally posted by Rustyhammer
    The other night
    was really GREAT!
    But I really must tell you,
    I'm two weeks late.
    -R
    I wish I'd had that one when I had to tell my 48 year old husband that he was gonna be a Daddy again. . . . might have lightened the mood a bit.

    In August, he will be a 50 year old father of a 2 year old. They just came in from washing the logging truck . . . very cute to watch them working together and chatting the whole time.

    steph
  11. by   jnette
    Originally posted by Rustyhammer
    The other night
    was really GREAT!
    But I really must tell you,
    I'm two weeks late.
    -R
    THANX ! I needed that laugh !
  12. by   night owl
    Originally posted by jnette
    Noooooooo !!! DON'T say THAT ! I'm getting ready to upgrade this ol' 95 to a 98 !!!
    I have windows '98! I saw another card. It said,

    Your computer is dead,
    It was so alive.
    Don't you regret getting
    Windows '95???
  13. by   NICU_Nurse
    Maybe Hallmark should make one like this:

    Congrats! You're a nurse now!
    What were you thinking?
    Here's a six-pack of lager...
    you'd better start drinking!

  14. by   CashewLPN
    kristi! I love it!!!!

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