Had it with Hubby

  1. Well,
    I have 4 kids, 2 from previous marriage, both teenagers, 2 in grade school. Summer has been rough---they've been trying to kill each other since the first of June. Hubby has a hot head---gets mad--unreasonably so over EVERYTHING! He can get himself worked up over nothing. He walks around so angry all of the time because things aren't what he thinks they should be. WELL---NEWSFLASH!!!!!! Life isn't what you think it should be. EVER. What I am worried about is a--it will cost us our marriage or b---he is going to have a heart attack. He can still get just as mad about something that happened 2 years ago as if it just happened. He never forgets anything or truly forgives it. He is still griping at the older kids over stuff that happened 5 years ago. He had to call me out of a room at work to yell at me (I had to hold the phone away from my ear) about somebody talking back to him. It has gotten so bad that I don't pick up my pages anymore at work. I have someone else answer them for me. I have just had it!!!!! I love him--and I know he loves the kids---but he has just got to stop it. I can't take it anymore. What's even worse---it doesn't matter to him when you are on the phone with someone, or talking to someone, that stupid temper blows whenever it wants to. And he can't tell you why he's mad just once, he's got to tell you 3 different ways why he is mad and what you should do about it. Then when you try to do something about it, it isn't good enough so he's got to open his mouth and yell about it some more in 3 different ways--plus everything else you've ever done that he sees as a wrong. He doesn't tolerate any ways but his own--and if it doesn't fit into his narrow little world then he can't deal with it. I have just about had it---I am sorry, I really didn't mean to ramble---but I don't know how much more I can take. He wasn't like this when we first got married, and it keeps getting worse and worse. I don't know if he's just not happy or what--he says he is---but he is making me and the kids miserable.
    •  
  2. 22 Comments

  3. by   canoehead
    He has anger issues, and needs to yell at someone. You just happen to be standing in front of him. You don't need to take that abuse, why not just walk away? Let him know you won't be listening if he yells at you and just walk away. Sounds like a man who could escalate to more than just yelling though.
  4. by   nursechris1
    Unfortunately, You probably will have to threaten to leave before he will be willing to change. I have been in that situation before, and it is amazing what someone is willing to do if they think that they have a lot to lose.
  5. by   H ynnoD
    Tell him you will be willing to talk about it when he can calm down and not until then.He also needs to stop bringing up things of the past.Took alittle work,but me and my wife use to bring up the past when we argued and never got anywhere till we stopped doing that.
  6. by   Spidey's mom
    Get thee to a counselor who specializes in anger management.

    It takes time and dedication on the part of the person who has an anger problem to unlearn the patterns which have made up his life and he needs to learn to recognize the triggers and when he is starting to feel angry and then learn interventions . . . and it helps if he has someone he is accountable to . . . a male friend he admires and trusts.

    You have to draw a line and not cross over it.

    It is hard. It can be done.

    Good luck.

    steph
  7. by   ~Cel~
    http://www.angerwork.com/about.html

    While looking for psychology links last night I came across this one on anger management.

    I'm sorry you are having a rough time with your dh. I would also draw a line, quick, and make it really clear that this behavior can't continue. I'd explain how its effecting the family, and your job, and your nerves and his physical condition. Learning to let go of stuff as an adult can be hard, but its been done. Recommend counseling, self-help books, whatever it takes. I hope things get better for your family.

    Celeste
  8. by   petiteflower
    Hey thanks everyone. That is why I love this bb. I can blow off some steam in a safe place and get some understanding an advice. I will keep ya'll updated.
  9. by   prmenrs
    Does HE know how angry he is? And how unreasonable? Does HE realize there is a serious problem?

    Unless he has even a little glimmering of understanding, it may be hard to get him to counseling.

    You and your children need to be in a safe place. Do whatever you need to do to make that happen. I would be scared out of my mind.

    I hope things work out for your family and I will be including you in my prayers. God Bless You.
  10. by   jemb
    I got frightenend just reading your post! You and your kids need to be somewhere that he is not! He needs serious help, and if he is not willing to get it, you need to take care of yourself and your kids.

    Paging you so he can have a temper fit on the phone??!!! He sounds dangerous. From what I read, his behavior has been escalating. You say he wasn't like this when you married him. How long will it take before the abuse becomes physical?

    If nothing else, you have a choice. Your kids don't. Knowing how his behavior affects you, can't you believe that your kids are living in fear of him? You can't wait until he injures of kills one of them -- or you!!!
  11. by   nursenoelle
    I too wonder how long before he REALLY gets out of hand. Lots of good advice has been given. Good Luck.
  12. by   nowplayingEDRN
    Originally posted by stevielynn
    Get thee to a counselor who specializes in anger management.

    It takes time and dedication on the part of the person who has an anger problem to unlearn the patterns which have made up his life and he needs to learn to recognize the triggers and when he is starting to feel angry and then learn interventions . . . and it helps if he has someone he is accountable to . . . a male friend he admires and trusts.

    You have to draw a line and not cross over it.

    It is hard. It can be done.

    Good luck.

    steph
    What Steph said! Good luck to you and your family
  13. by   debralynn
    I agree with steph. Go to counseling! And if the first counselor you go to isn't the one, keep looking. And during all this, protect you and your kids. I pray things will get better for all of you!
  14. by   Tweety
    I know kids who have grown up in households with angry dads. They usually have many issues and resentments towards their fathers that they carry into adulthood.

    He definately needs counseling. Your marriage needs counseling. Demand it.

    He's got a chip on his shoulder and he's making everyone around him miserable. That's no kind of way to live. Best wishes.

close