Lilgirl, Oh man, I just ate a tuna fish sandwich, and after readong your post I feel like I need to hurl!! EEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!
My grossest pt is nothing like you two. Mine is gross because he has the filthiest pig mind! This big fat nasty man had open heart, and had to stay in our unit b/c there were no beds in step-down. He became "confused" in the night, and kicked one of our nurses in the head, so hard, she fell and had to go to the er for xrays, which fortunately, she didn't break anything.
I had Mr gross pig the next night. He acted like he was confused, but yet, sometimes he was so lucid, you had to wonder if he was just a good actor. When his wife came, he knew enough to talk to her like she was a worthless dog. Anyway, he continuously asked me for a "BJ" all night long, describing exactly how he would make me feel (Like VOMITTING!!) I would not go in the room without the male resp therapist who told him to speak to the nurses respectfully. He was better when the RT was in the room, but still pretty gross. In the am, when the doc made rounds, I told him about his behavior, I think he didn't believe me. He went in and asked the pt his name, he answered "Puddintane, ask me where I live, I'll say down the Lane." Now does that sound like someone confused? Trying to be cute and making the doc laugh (Oh, how amusing!)
I swear, I cannot remember anymore all the beyond vulgar things he said, Oh yeah, and kept exposing himself all night long, I tied the sheets to the four corners of the bed to keep his ugly little thing covered. (EEEWWWWWW!!) But I will never forget how creepy he made me feel. I called out sick the next night so I wouldn't have to take care of him again.