Grieving over pet

  1. Not trying to be a downer, but does anyone have any advice on how to handle the well-meaning folks at work whom I know will ask me about my beloved dog, just euthanized yesterday? I can't seem to go more than an hour without crying. I do know time helps, I've been through this before, but this time seems to be worse! I took the day off Friday to be w/her, and go to vet,etc., and I go back to work Mon. I don't want to be rude to people, but I may have to so I can get through the day and be productive.
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  2. 23 Comments

  3. by   cmggriff
    hiker,
    So be rude. Some people need it. It was your loss not theirs. I don't know of any means to get the well meaning misled to stop with their injurious advice and sympathetic responses. Life is a ***** , then someone you love dies. Good luck.
  4. by   neonnurse
    No Hiker, please don't be rude to people, its not productive and it only forges resentment. One of my coworkers just recentlly lost her dog to a fast acting cancer and decided that euthenasia was the kindest way to go. All of us on our unit were devastated for her because we knew who much she adored that dog( she even snuck her onto the unit at night once)I think her talking about Clancy is comforting to her during her grief. I think people are trying to be kind to you too. At this point a million different emotions are going thru you and your view may be a little distorted. Perhaps it would be good to talk about your faithful little friend to your friends. Then I think that you'll look back at this and realize that they really do care. I'm sorry about the lost of your pet.
    Daphne
  5. by   st4304
    I had to return to work the next day after having my 16-yr-old springer spaniel, Emily, put to sleep. It was comforting to me to keep busy and everyone was so kind. I even had a patient comfort me when I started to cry in her room! I felt I had everyone's support to get me through the first few days, and was never ridiculed because she was "just a dog."

    I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there!
  6. by   bestblondRN
    Hiker,
    I think pets are like kids in some ways. We choose to have pets much as we choose to have a family (at least sometimes :eek , so the loss of a pet can be a very devastating experience for the owner. It's equally as hard to go right back to work and be expected to function as though nothing happened, or have people tell you it'll be better with time. Let's face it--you're feeling a great deal of pain when it's so fresh! I don't think the grieving process is altogether different for loss of a beloved pet or a beloved person--it's not easy and, unfortunately, something you have to go through. I am very sorry for your loss.
    Take care and remember the great times you had with your dog! Suzanne
  7. by   sharann
    Hiker,
    I'm sorry for your loss.As a co-pet lover I know your pain.It is real and normal.Just say "thank you" to your nosy but well meaning co-workers and then change the subject.The only thing that heals this type of loss is time,eventually.Your pain is real and valid.Allow yourself to grieve and be good to yourself.
  8. by   duckie
    I speak from my heart when I say I understand your pain. I too have lost beloved companions and the pain is as real as the loss of a friend, after all, they have been your friend and companion through the ups and downs of life. Just because they cannot speak doesn't mean they cannot say a lot. Most of the people you encounter will be geniunely sad for your loss. All you have to say is , "Thank you for your concern but it still hurts to much to talk about it now." Accept their concern as you would accept it if you lost your child or friend. After I had my daughter, at the ripe old age of 17, I was unable to have any other children. I lost the second child I conceieved, so my materal instinct was somewhat soothed by my furry kids, of which I have 3. My oldest is 16 and I know I will soon be faced with the choice you had to make, and I have been there before. Please let other people share your grief and keep in mind that in time it will hurt less, but it won't happen overnight. I will pray for you because even though we have never met, I do understand the pain in your heart. God be with you and remember, it's okay to cry.
  9. by   Jenny P
    Dear Hiker, we had to euthanize our cat of 17 years about 8 years ago, and it was a very peaceful and beautiful death for the cat, my daughter (who was 10 at the time) and myself. We have a dog who is about 9 or10 years old, now, and she and I have a very special bond. It would be very hard to put her "down" because I would miss her so much more than I miss the cat. I'm sorry for your loss. Duckie had the right idea. Accept your co-workers well-meaning intensions but tell them you hurt too much to talk about it right now. They do care about you.
  10. by   jkh
    Hiker, I just wanted to share this poem with you that our vet sent us after we had our cat euthanized.
    The Rainbow Bridge

    There is a bridge connecting heaven and earth
    It is called the ranibow bridge beacuse of its many splendid colors.
    Just this side of the rainbow, there is a land,
    Of medows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.

    When a beloves pet dies, the pet goes to this place
    There is always food and water and warm spring weather.
    The old and frail animals are young again.
    Those who are maimed are made whole again.
    They play all day with each other.

    There is only one thing missing.
    They are not with their special person who loved them on earth.
    So each day they run and play,
    Until the day comes one suddenly stops playing and looks up!
    The nose twitches!
    The ears are up!
    The eyes are staring!
    And this one suddenly runs from the group!

    You have been seen.
    And when you snd your special freind meet,
    You take him or her in your arms and embrace.
    Your face is kissed again and again and again.
    And you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.
    Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge, together
    Never to be seperated again.

    auther unknown
  11. by   el
    First let me say I am so sorry for you. Strangely enough I just got a call from my vet that told me my beloved lab has metastatic cancer. While we can attempt chemo, they don't think it will work. I kept saying, but he isn't even sick. I took him to the vet because I thought he needed his anal glands expressed, (his butt was slightly swollen). Other than that he is fine. My vet told me that we can try the chemo, or try steroids, but within one month he will be sick. He is my sweetest dearest friend in the world. He, for 12 years, has always been happy to see me, always had all the time in the world for me (nothing else was ever more important than me to him), he has never ever let me down, or failed to make me smile even when I thought it was impossible. I am thankful that I don't have to tell him his fate, and I know that I will do what is right when I have to. It is so strange that this post was here after finding out the news of my pet today. Again, I am sorry for you, and I think it is ok to tell people that you just can't talk about it yet. I have already done that with my hubby, and he will wait until I am ready to talk about it.
  12. by   hiker
    Thanks to all of you! My first day back was fine- I was so busy I didn't have time to think about my sweet Sally, except one co-worker (who has ovarian CA, and is an extreme dog-lover like me) left me a little card on my desk that set me off for just a minute. People have been so very kind, including all of you. I have seen the poem "Rainbow Bridge" before, and I thank you for that, although it made me cry again. Again, I never cease to be amazed at the kindness and understanding of strangers! Another nurse I met on another BB suggested I keep Sally's picture with me, not even to look at necessarily, just to feel she is closer to me- and I think that helped.( A strange thing is- my other pooch seems totally unaffected by Sally's absence- I think she likes the extra attention! )
  13. by   duckie
    Originally posted by hiker:
    Thanks to all of you! My first day back was fine- I was so busy I didn't have time to think about my sweet Sally, except one co-worker (who has ovarian CA, and is an extreme dog-lover like me) left me a little card on my desk that set me off for just a minute. People have been so very kind, including all of you. I have seen the poem "Rainbow Bridge" before, and I thank you for that, although it made me cry again. Again, I never cease to be amazed at the kindness and understanding of strangers! Another nurse I met on another BB suggested I keep Sally's picture with me, not even to look at necessarily, just to feel she is closer to me- and I think that helped.( A strange thing is- my other pooch seems totally unaffected by Sally's absence- I think she likes the extra attention! )
    Please watch your other critter very carefully. Many years ago, our cat got very ill and we had to make the choice to put her to sleep. I didn't think our dog, Princess was affected but after about a week or so, she wasn't eating good. I went to the grocery store, hoping to get something to tempt her and when I came home there was a trail of blood from the door all the way through the house. I was terrified I would find her dead, there was so much blood. We rushed her to the vet, she had to be given Iv's and stayed there several days and we brought her home on medication that she took for quite a while. The vet told us that most likely this was caused from the loss of her best pal and that animals don't think in terms of days like we do and that it just took longer for her to realize that Daisy wasn't coming home. Watch your pets appetite. Hopefully you won't have any problems but please be alert. Better to be safe than sorry. God Bless.
  14. by   hiker
    Thanks, Duckie- That had never occurred to me, so I will watch my other pooch carefully!

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