Great truths in the Stages of Life...

  1. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
    2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your
    hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always
    catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge . . ..mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its
    ground.
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not
    the toy.

    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can
    get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while
    you're down there.
    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a
    rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    SUCCESS:
    At age 4 success is . . . . not peeing in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
    At age 20 success is . .. . having sex.
    At age 35 success is . .. . having money.
    At age 50 success is . .. . having money.
    At age 60 success is . .. . having sex.
    At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 80 success is . .. . not peeing in your pants.
    •  
  2. 4 Comments

  3. by   Shamrock
    THANK GOD wrinkles don't hurt!!!
  4. by   jnette
    hmmm... dunno why kids "supposedly" don't like broccoli. ??? I have ALWAYS loved broccoli, and so did my kids ! I always told them they were eating litle 'trees" and they just gobbled them up !
  5. by   gwenith
    Love the one about giving a three year old a tomato to hold.
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need good humor in mylife these days. this filled the bill!

close