Got my own problem with a teenager drinking

  1. My 17-yr-old was out with friends last night. She admitted to having half a beer and swore that she did not drive, that the person who drove her was a designated driver and didn't have a drop himself. What bothers me is that a year ago she got drunk to the point of toxicity because of some issues (self-medicating) and when we found out we sat down and had a hard talk with her about it. There is a chemical dependency history in the family and she has watched me go through a recovery program and its aftermath with the BON. She doesn't seem to think there was anything wrong with just half a beer.

    Now what?
    Last edit by TazziRN on Jan 2, '07 : Reason: Changing words
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  2. 24 Comments

  3. by   leslie :-D
    my 17 yo dd genuinely feels that she has a right to use/drink, if her alcoholic father can drink.
    more often than not, he's on the wagon and makes deliberate attempts to stay dry.
    those times he relapses, her anger is forefront and rationalizes that she should be able to "mess up" if her father can.
    you can always buy breathlyzers if you think it's an ongoing problem.
    or maybe family therapy, to see if she has come to terms with your history.
    best of luck.

    leslie
  4. by   bethin
    First, so you know, I don't have kids but I was once a teenager who did alot more than just drink.

    I agree with earle - therapy is needed. You have a family history of addiction and she self medicated, which to me is the beginning of going towards the downward spiral. Be supportive and don't yell. Sure, you are mad but yelling doesn't affect teenagers. Does she have a boyfriend? Is he nice and do you approve of him? Often times, in girls, if the boyfriend drinks and does drugs, the girlfriend will too.

    I self medicated while I was in an abusive relationship during senior year no less. My parents didn't see it or if they did they chose to ignore it. If someone had talked to me, I probably would have saw the light. But I had to figure it out on my own. I still drink, but it's not self medicating anymore.

    I have to give her credit: she is smart enough to know to have a designated driver who doesn't drink a drop.
  5. by   Fun2, RN, BSN
    I think most teenagers will "dabble" in drinking, and maybe smoking.


    Just like with yourselves at that point, it's up to them to make up their own minds to not do it.



    Really, all you can do is talk to them, and how you are against it.

    Just like with smoking, the parents can't have a beer in their hand and tell the teen not to drink, or a cigarette in their hand and tell the teen not to smoke.




    I also say, at least the teen used enough matureness to have a designated driver. If your teen decides to drink in the future, it's best to teach them how to be safe.


    (That of course, also goes with sex....teaching abstinence is obviously not working. If a teen is going to have sex, you better hope you've taught them about condoms, etc.)



    I know this thread is about drinking, but drinking, sex, and smoking are all adult-legal things that teens see every day.
  6. by   TazziRN
    She has been through therapy for the reasons that she was self-medicating. I don't think it's an issue now. The issue is that she doesn't see anything wrong with being 17 and doing something that she knows is illegal. Granted, she didn't drive (if she's telling the truth about that....not sure yet, investigating). She has been pushing the limits lately like crazy, maybe because she's a senior and is trying to spread her wings?
  7. by   leslie :-D
    you know tazzi, there DOES come a point when parent and child both agree, that it's time to move out/on.
    my 16 yo son is not there yet.
    if anything, he's too darned comfortable at home.
    but my tiff....she talks aloud of her dreams; of living at college; of how she'll live life this way and that way.
    she's very ready to move out.
    she admits she's afraid but simultaneously, just can't wait for the day to come.
    she's always been an independent spirit, with spirit being the key word.
    she needs to spread her wings and soar....
    my therapist agrees that kids who start becoming more rebellious at home, is a sign they're ready to move on.

    best of everything.

    leslie
  8. by   firstaiddave907
    I agree with all of you. even though i dont have any kids at all my 19 year old brother drinks and it gets excessive my parents have talked to him and it's up to him to cut down the drinking and my parents also think that if he gets in trouble for underage drinking by the police then that will maby teach him a good lession.
  9. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from TazziRN
    She has been through therapy for the reasons that she was self-medicating. I don't think it's an issue now. The issue is that she doesn't see anything wrong with being 17 and doing something that she knows is illegal. Granted, she didn't drive (if she's telling the truth about that....not sure yet, investigating). She has been pushing the limits lately like crazy, maybe because she's a senior and is trying to spread her wings?
    Another mother of a 17 year old daughter here . . . . . :trout:

    It is hard. Especially since my #2 son had a near miss with drugs as a teen and now still drinks alcohol.

    I would also be suspect about the designated driver . . . kids just lie.

    Speading wings by doing something illegal is just dumb. There are many legal and fun ways to do that.

    I'm jaded - and don't put up with being made a fool of. I'm a hardcore "tough love" sort of person.

    My daughter has been in therapy for lying issues. She got better. Then told a huge whopper.

    I don't have all or even some answers for you - just know you aren't alone.

    (and we had kids . . .why?)

    steph

    p.s. I'm taking her to Vietnam this summer - so she can get out of her little mindset that the world revolves around her.
  10. by   Katnip
    I have an 18 year old who doesn't see anything wrong with it either, nevermind the fact that it's illegal.

    What really gets me is that his older brother was an alcoholic, and this one hated seeing his brother go through that.
  11. by   P_RN
    My younger one left home a few weeks before he turned 18. (HE'S 36 NOW) AND I know he did all of the above. We didn't get along for many years though he was only 20 or so miles away. Parents are stupid, don't understand, etc. He stole checks and credit cards and who knows what else. He cashed bad checks (out of MY bank acct, usually at liquor stores.)

    The sometime in his mid twenties the giant aliens who had kidnapped him brought him home. I know it was only prayer and supplication that did it.

    He met and married a nice girl, got a house, got a great job. And came home, the prodigal son. I wanted to place a ring on his hand an serve the fatted calf.

    He came home for Christmas and we had a wonderful time, with his telling us how much he loves us. And asking for forgiveness for the bad times. We are a family again. I pray that those of you having these troubles will be as successful.
  12. by   dianah
    What joy you must have in your heart and in your family, P_RN, with the return of your son! Even sweeter, too, knowing what sadness and pain you went through before his change of heart. Thank you for sharing this, it gives the rest of us hope, and reminds me of the power of prayer . . in God's timing, not ours.
  13. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from stevielynn

    Speading wings by doing something illegal is just dumb. There are many legal and fun ways to do that.


    steph
    i hope you didn't misinterpret my statement about spreading wings.
    tiffany is a highly intelligent spirit who has always had visions and who has always aspired to be the best of who she is-albeit in what she was interested in.
    never have i encouraged her to aspire to stupidity or acting out illegally.
    just thought i might need to clarify.

    leslie
  14. by   leslie :-D
    p_rn, your story only confirms that no one should ever give up hope.

    thank you.

    leslie

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