Got into an argument with my brother. Is he wrong for doing this to me?

  1. In June 2003, I got my AS degree in Pharmacy Technology. I decided not to pursue a job with that degree and I plan to go to LPN school in the Fall.

    During my graduation ceremony in June, I asked my brother to come along and I asked if he was sure if he wanted to go. He said, "yes." Well, he came along. After our graduation ceremony, there was a party held in a classroom. You know the kind; classmates taking pictures together, eating cake and so on. Okay, after just 3 minutes into the party, my brother wanted to leave! I was like the first person to leave and it was like 5 minutes after the party started. I developed close ties to my classmates since we spent a lot of time together in the classroom. I wanted to take pictures of ourselves for sentimential values and talk to each other for the very last time. But it did not happen on that day because my stupid brother told me to leave. After we left, I told my brother that he spoiled my graduation and it was a mistake for bringing him. Guess what he said to me? He said, "You are making me mad! I am ready to hit you. You dragged me all the way to your graduation and it was a waste of time. My time was wasted!" Geez, do you believe that on what he said. His time was wasted. And you know it was my graduation. Graduation day just comes once in a life time and my brother told me his time was wasted on that day. All he had to do was just stay at least for one hour. That was not too much to ask for. After that day, I rarely speak to my brother because of what he did. We were close before but after that day, things changed. Do you think he is wrong for what he did?
    Last edit by hopefully on Feb 29, '04
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  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   aimeee
    What really matters is that 9 months later, your relationship is still affected by what took place on that one day. I'm not sure what your brother was expecting to get out of attending your graduation since apparently sharing in your joy and excitement was not enough. You are still feeling angry and hurt by this. We could all join in and give you validation for those feelings saying "jeez, what a selfish jerk he was!". This won't really do anything to help resolve those feelings though.

    The truth is, sometimes the people we love disappoint us. When we expect them to be there for us, sometimes they are not. You'll have to decide whether you want to nurse these bad feelings and allow them to sever your relationship with your brother, or whether you are going to find a way to accept his actions and his words and forgive them and keep him in your life.
  4. by   BamaGirlRN
    Although I do not agree with the way he handled it and what he said, I can see how he may have felt uncomfortable and maybe perhaps a little bored. I know it's over with now, but for future reference you may want to take two cars or have someone else take you home. I hate that you missed the final goodbye's with your friends and pictures, etc.
  5. by   BadBird
    So why did you leave? I would have let him leave and I would have stayed with my friends. That said, learn from it and don't invite him to any of your future parties or functions.
  6. by   live4today
    Quote from aimeee
    What really matters is that 9 months later, your relationship is still affected by what took place on that one day. I'm not sure what your brother was expecting to get out of attending your graduation since apparently sharing in your joy and excitement was not enough. You are still feeling angry and hurt by this. We could all join in and give you validation for those feelings saying "jeez, what a selfish jerk he was!". This won't really do anything to help resolve those feelings though.

    The truth is, sometimes the people we love disappoint us. When we expect them to be there for us, sometimes they are not. You'll have to decide whether you want to nurse these bad feelings and allow them to sever your relationship with your brother, or whether you are going to find a way to accept his actions and his words and forgive them and keep him in your life.
    I agree with Aimee on this one. Forgive your brother for disappointing you. He is your brother. He did go for a brief time. Next time, just do not invite him, or if you do, make sure you have your own transportation home that way your brother is free to leave when he wants to.
  7. by   iliel
    Ok, what really bothers me is that he said he's ready to hit you. I wouldn't forgive any person who said that to me, blood or not. you should have let him leave and tried to get a ride home with someone else. This whole thing just seems so weird to me. Why did you want your brother to come so bad? It almost sounds like your not very close to him in the first place.
    IMPO, he sounds like he's insecure and needs to stand up and be a "big man". I don't care, but you never tell someone your making me mad, I'm ready to hit you.....that just creeps me out.
  8. by   fiestynurse
    My brother would never say "I am so mad at you, I want to hit you." And he has proudly attended all my graduations without me having to beg him to go. He has also given me cards, flowers, and presents. This is how a mature, responsible and loving brother acts. Your brother's behavior is unacceptable and you have every right to be upset with him. I hope that you have clearly expressed to him how his behavior made you feel. He owes you an apology.

    When he told you that he wanted to leave the graduation party, why didn't you just say "See Ya!" Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, even with family members.
  9. by   jemb
    This just seems odd to me.

    Sounds like you might have invited him "to come along" at the last minute. And it is also unclear whether he knew that you expected him to attend the party after the ceremony.

    You also didn't indicate his age. From the comments you say he made to you, it sounds like he may be much younger than you -- like maybe still in his teens. Is that why you didn't take separate cars?Why would you have expected your brother to go to the party for you and your classmates anyway?

    Your whole post just seemed strange-- like both of you were still teenagers having a sibling spat.
    Last edit by jemb on Feb 29, '04
  10. by   Tweety
    I took my parents, my sister and a couple of friends to my pinning. It's was one of the happiest moments of my life. I'm sure they were bored out of their minds, especially during the "cake and coffee" part afterwards. But because they were mature, loved me and enjoyed my success they bore with it.

    That your brother was so selfish seems pretty dispicable to me, especially with the threat of violence, and I would have been very angry. I hope that he doesn't abuse anyone, because he sounds classic.

    I agree with the others to forgive and move on. Don't ever allow him any power over you again.

    Congrats!
  11. by   hopefully
    Quote from jemb
    This just seems odd to me.

    Sounds like you might have invited him "to come along" at the last minute. And it is also unclear whether he knew that you expected him to attend the party after the ceremony.

    You also didn't indicate his age. From the comments you say he made to you, it sounds like he may be much younger than you -- like maybe still in his teens. Is that why you didn't take separate cars?Why would you have expected your brother to go to the party for you and your classmates anyway?

    Your whole post just seemed strange-- like both of you were still teenagers having a sibling spat.
    He is 25. I do think that is mature. I asked my brother if he wanted to come along and he said, "yes." Before the graduation ceremony at my home, I had second thoughts and I asked him again if he was sure if he wanted to go. He said, "yes" and he told me that he will bring some reading material along with him so I could mingle with my friends." Well he did not bring any reading material along with him on that day for some reason. What really made me mad is that when we got home after the graduation, he got on the Internet for about two hours at my home to kill time. It was like getting on the Internet to chat with strangers was more important than my graduation

    Anyway, the school was like an hour and half drive away and there was only one car and my brother did not know how to drive my car with a stick shift. I did not know it would turn out like this but it did.
    Last edit by hopefully on Feb 29, '04
  12. by   AmyLiz
    Quote from hopefully
    He is 25.
    I was going to ask how old he was too. Sounded to me like he was around 10. Definately not mature & definately selfish & self-absorbed. Is he like that all the time...if it were me & my brother acted like that all the time, I certainly wouldn't have asked him along. But if he hadn't acted like that before...I can definately see where that would've shocked you. There could possibly be a jealousy thing there, maybe he is the type that always wants to be the center of attention? Who knows. I do know if my brother acted like that...I'd have said "toodles" and hired a cab or grabbed a ride back with a friend.

    As for the "so mad he could hit you" quip...I probably wouldn't have been able to let that slide. But then again...I'm a bit of a smart alek. I'd have said, "what are you? 10?" Get off your attitude, buster."

    And if he did hit me...he'd be reeeal sorry. :angryfire
  13. by   soltera
    Quote from hopefully
    In June 2003, I got my AS degree in Pharmacy Technology. I decided not to pursue a job with that degree and I plan to go to LPN school in the Fall.

    During my graduation ceremony in June, I asked my brother to come along and I asked if he was sure if he wanted to go. He said, "yes." Well, he came along. After our graduation ceremony, there was a party held in a classroom. You know the kind; classmates taking pictures together, eating cake and so on. Okay, after just 3 minutes into the party, my brother wanted to leave! I was like the first person to leave and it was like 5 minutes after the party started. I developed close ties to my classmates since we spent a lot of time together in the classroom. I wanted to take pictures of ourselves for sentimential values and talk to each other for the very last time. But it did not happen on that day because my stupid brother told me to leave. After we left, I told my brother that he spoiled my graduation and it was a mistake for bringing him. Guess what he said to me? He said, "You are making me mad! I am ready to hit you. You dragged me all the way to your graduation and it was a waste of time. My time was wasted!" Geez, do you believe that on what he said. His time was wasted. And you know it was my graduation. Graduation day just comes once in a life time and my brother told me his time was wasted on that day. All he had to do was just stay at least for one hour. That was not too much to ask for. After that day, I rarely speak to my brother because of what he did. We were close before but after that day, things changed. Do you think he is wrong for what he did?

    why didn't you stay at your party and just let your brother leave?
  14. by   BBFRN
    Why are you more upset with him for wanting to leave the party than for wanting to hit you? And what kind of chatting was he doing on your computer?

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