Quote from sirI
Hiya, Sabby. Good luck with the computer and hope ya'll enjoy your day.
Hey, netters. I have to say, it's because of you and the relationship you have with your mom that motivated me to go get mine to spend some time here and then with her the next few days. I realized that I must do this. Thank you.
Wow.. that brought tears to my eyes. ((((Siri))))
Thank you. You enjoy her. Life is precious.
I must say, though, that Mom and I were never particularly close, sadly. She was the "distant", "authoritarian" type of mother growing up. The strict, disciplinarian. She never really knew how to express any love, closeness.. more so with Pati, but never with me. But then, I was not planned or wanted to begin with, according to my dad.. she never wanted children period. She was ok with my sis, but did NOT want anymore. So I was always her "disappointment", and she let me know this every chance she had.. how I was "her cross to bear".
The emotional abuse was unbearable, my attempts to love her were always met with being pushed away and with belittling, ridiculing, and more often than not, harsh remarks... she didn't attemt to hide her disgust with me. And truth be known, she was indeed quite physically abusive when Dad wasn't around, but we won't revisit that.
I don't hold it against her now... actually never really did....it was easier even as a child to forgive than to hate.. and as I became a young adult, I came to understand somehow, that ppl have their own "issues", and that she couldn't help the way she was. I forgave her ealry on, and felt bad for her that she lacked the ability to truly love. Her life was always consumed with "self" and getting her own needs and wants met. She was a socialite, and being the only child, she was spoiled from childhood on.
Her travels and social life took priority over everything, including her children and even her grandchildren.
I need to amend that to say she WAS a great mother in making sure we did all our homework, were well educated, did well in school, were well dressed, fed, and had rules to obey, were expected to repect our elders, keep our rooms clean, beds made, etc... for those lessons I remain eternally grateful. But emotionally, she was lacking. Very much so.
But all that was then and this is now.
She doesn't remember those days, nor does she need to. She is like a dependent child now, and for the first time in her life is showing the love, appreication, and gratitude I had ached for all those years growing up. In the past two months, she has whispered the kindest, most tender, loving words that have ever passed her lips and reached not only my ears, but my heart.. words she had never spoken and that I had so longed for a lifetime to hear. She is an innocent now, freed from her own prison of "self", and free to love and be loved. Free to accept my love for her, as well.
And so I enjoy this time with her, bittersweet as it is.