Gift. Exhange or keep? Your opinions needed !

  1. Here is the problem. Bought 10 year old nephew a $ 90.00 christmas present. He isn't real crazy about it. Both parents have said, "Maybe we can take it back for a store credit and you can select something else."
    What is your opinion on this? My thinking is "A gift is a gift." Regardless of price, etc. I was taught that you say thank you and KEEP it, whether you "liked it" or not was not an option. That someone cared enough about me to go shopping and purchase a gift and deliver it was enough and to consider it as a marketable/negotiable item for a refund or exchange bordered on blasphemy. It simply wasn't considered.
    I have known adults like this, who simply viewed a gift as a means of a refund or "something of my own choosing."
    I am probably way off base on this, so I need some objective opinions.
    In terms of practicality, it makes sense to return it. But, in terms of etiquette/good manners, it doesn't.
    Would you permit your child to return a birthday or Christmas gift just because they didn't like it? "It wasn't really the kind I like."
    What do you say?
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  2. 30 Comments

  3. by   Love-A-Nurse
    if it were clothes and they were too small, i might because i would not want the money to go to waste and would not give it to someone else for fear of buyer thinking it was not appreciated.

    other than reasons along this line, no, i would have my child either appreciate it or let the person get their money back.


    this all depends on the individual but this is how i am.

  4. by   delirium
    I would say yes. I agree that it is impolite to do so, but here is my thinking on the subject.
    I don't have kids. I'm not around kids. I don't even go into the kids' section at Target. Generally speaking, I'll ask the parents for some gift ideas, but who knows what I'll come up with.
    So if I buy a gift, particularly a $90 gift, and its not exactly what the kid wants and they want to return it, fine. The kid might as well have something he or she wants and will play with or get use out of, rather than taking my hard earned $90 and using the thing as a paperweight that will eventually be tossed.
    As a kid, I would have never dared say to my mom: Hey this thing Aunt Kathy got is really stupid... let's go to the store so I can get a Cabbage Patch Kid instead. My mom would have been livid.
    Things are different now, I guess.
  5. by   Lausana
    Ditto! I was stuck with until I was old enough to exchange it myself! ...oh the days without gift receipts

    I guess if he really wants to exchange it go ahead and go with it, but if I were his parents I probably would've tried to exchange it myself first without having to mention it-it would just seem rude asking.
  6. by   passing thru
    Why would your mom have been livid Deliriou? What would she have said?
  7. by   Stargazer
    Yes and no. While I think it is acceptable to exchange a gift, there's no reason for the gift giver to be aware of it. You shouldn't heard anything but "Thank you so much, you must have gone to a lot of trouble, how thoughtful," etc. etc.

    I personally don't have any confidence in my innate ability to know what a 7- or 9- or 12-year old boy would think is cool, so I always rely heavily on specific advice from the parents. But yeah, if I'd blown $90 on a gift they didn't care for, I'd much rather they exchange it for something they'd actually use than know that the money had been completely wasted.
  8. by   delirium
    My mom would have told me, in Italian as well as in English:

    Rebecca, you are lucky to have people to buy you gifts! Say thank you and be happy with it. There are many children who have nothing and you will complain because its not exactly what you wanted? I did not raise my oldest daughter to behave so badly.... on and on, ad nauseum.
  9. by   renerian
    I don't mind if someone returns my gift. JMHO

    renerian
  10. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by Stargazer
    Yes and no. While I think it is acceptable to exchange a gift, there's no reason for the gift giver to be aware of it. You shouldn't heard anything but "Thank you so much, you must have gone to a lot of trouble, how thoughtful," etc. etc.
    Exactly. Before every major gift giving event, we go over the rules with our son in the car. "Oh, thank you so much! It's great!" <look at it a little, get up and give them a hug if you feel like it>

    I always tell him if he doesn't want it, doesn't like it, or already has one just like it, we'll worry about that later.

    They could have taken the present back and gotten a store credit on their own, it was rude to tell you about it. But why should someone have something sitting around and cluttering their house if they don't want, like, or need it?

    Heather
  11. by   nursedawn67
    I would rather the child say thank you, and the parent explain it wasn't something he/she would play with and would I if they return it for something he/she was mre likely to play with. Maybe a nice touch would be for the one's returning the gift to invite the person that originally bought it out for a shopping trip to pick out something new and to have lunch.
  12. by   susanmary
    I spend a great deal of time/thought when I give a gift. No matter how "perfect" I may think the gift is, I would not want the recipient to keep it if he/she didn't like it. When I GIVE a gift, I believe it is up to the person to do what they want with it -- keep it, burn it, throw it away, exchange it, etc. It is THEIRS to do with it what they want.

    Heather, I agree with you. I've raised my kids, from early on, to be grateful for gifts -- to always be polite -- I think it is very important. I do not think the original poster should have been told about the exchange, and it is absolutely not up to her to purchase another gift. Next time, give your nephew $20. Sue
  13. by   PennyLane
    I don't see anything wrong with returning a gift, either, especially in the case of a young boy when you don't really know what he may have wanted. When I was a kid, my mom always let me return gifts from my parents/relatives that I didn't like. They would rather see me happy with a present--and I'm sure the aunt/grandmother/great-aunt would too!!
  14. by   Rustyhammer
    The kid is spoiled! He doesn't get what he wants and your mind reading was a bit off that day so he wants to exchange it.
    Why not just slap you in the face? He should be glad he got anything and next year think twice before spending so much.
    -Russell

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