Getting your teenager to do homework?

  1. With school just a short month away, I am dreading the school yr already. I have to fight and argue with my 13 yr old to get his homework done, that is when he actually brings it home. HE has ADD, and plays it to the max, he refuses to talk medication for it, says it causes chest pain, which could be true.
    But just looking for advice and to get a jumpstart on what I am anticipating to be another school yr from hell.
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  2. 20 Comments

  3. by   leslie :-D
    i empathize w/you....my 14yo has ADD and refuses to take meds. i also have a 13 and 11 yo...

    although i will not stand over them, i do hold them responsible and tell them there will be consequences for any written warnings/report cards. i've also talked with teachers on a weekly basis and they all have to have a parental signature w/any failing grades on a test.

    your son is old enough to understand any choices he makes....i will not allow my daughter to use her ADD as an excuse. but i also reward them for a job well done. best wishes to you.

    leslie
  4. by   IMustBeCrazy
    Totally agree with Earle. While my kids have never been diagnosed with ADD, they can find a million excuses not to do things like all red-blooded kids. And I simply tell them that the choices they make now, good or bad, are setting them for a future of promise or one of working at Burger King for the rest of their lives.

    I don't stand over mine either or do their work for them, but I will help them when they have questions. They earn every grade they get, whether good or bad. And I won't let them make excuses for it or cover for them with teachers. I also will randomly phone teachers and chat with them if I intuit problems or friction, it's amazing how supportive the teachers are, they are not used to having parents that involved.
  5. by   Darlene K.
    This is a very difficult task. I have a 15 y.o. also w/ ADHD and she has a million excuses as to why her homework wasn't done. It was never her fault. She also refuses her medication, she says she can't eat and has a headache when she takes it. Last year I would have her teachers sign her agenda book every Friday w/ her GPA. If she did not bring this home to me, I would not allow her to go anywhere over the weekend or get on line. I plan to use the same practice for this coming school year.
  6. by   nightingale
    Quote from Darlene K.
    This is a very difficult task. I have a 15 y.o. also w/ ADHD and she has a million excuses as to why her homework wasn't done. It was never her fault. She also refuses her medication, she says she can't eat and has a headache when she takes it. Last year I would have her teachers sign her agenda book every Friday w/ her GPA. If she did not bring this home to me, I would not allow her to go anywhere over the weekend or get on line. I plan to use the same practice for this coming school year.

    I too have a teen with ADD; he has taken his meds but it is getting more and more problematic. He brought home a final failing grade and the above consequesnce sounds most reasonable. I shall give it a go

    It is tough to be a parent but tougher taking care of an adult who is disfunctional (and haven't we all had at least one family to prove it to you).

    Thanks for the post and topic.

  7. by   renerian
    I feel basically if someone does not want to do homework you cannot make someone think or do it. I have 5 kids/one refused to do any homework his entire high school experience. He did graduate with a 0.67 GPA. Now he is in college taking all those courses he got C/D/F in and getting just pass/fail credit. He is now regretting it. We tried everything. Sometimes kids have to get held back to make an impression.

    renerian
  8. by   Dixiedi
    I have 1 son who was diagnosed ADD. He did take his meds, want to or not because I told him to! Oh no, my kids feared the wrath if they didn't do as they were told. And ya know what? The fear is all that is needed, and no, it's not cruel or abusive. If a person learns early in life that the consequences are far worse than getting to do as you please they also learn early that if you want anything in life you must work for it!
    I do not go along with the liberal idea that kids have the right to choose this that and the other thing. Yea, let them choose between the green and blue T-shirt, but they have got to learn that choices are relatively few. There are only a couple of options that are acceptable anything else will lead to loss.
    Yep, hard lessons to learn after they reach early adulthood as one of the posers mentioned.
    Make him take his meds, take him to the Doc everytime he complains of chest pain. Do whatever you need to do but make him do what is best for him. Then, stand over him until that homework is done. He needs to learn that he can not get away with the easy road. Unless of course you want to see your son in college taking remedial classes he should have had in high school.
  9. by   nightingale
    I tell you, I am the strict one of a divorced family. It stinks being the tough parent but I do agree, consequences are a natural outcome of making the wrong decision. My beautiful, sweet, son (who drives me crazy from time to time) is a master of "not getting it done". Yes, he is diagnosed with ADD, but we adults have gone around without diagnoses and have made it work (getting out tasks done etc.)

    Natural consequences in my home, come this fall are: no passing grade = no fun (computer, car priveledges, etc.)

    I wish my son would make better choices but he often does not. It concerns me that he may go to HS with terrible grades and then "I" have to pay for his taking remedial courses. By golly, whatever it takes, I do hope my kids go to college but at what point do you "just say NO".
  10. by   Darlene K.
    Quote from renerian
    I feel basically if someone does not want to do homework you cannot make someone think or do it. I have 5 kids/one refused to do any homework his entire high school experience. He did graduate with a 0.67 GPA. Now he is in college taking all those courses he got C/D/F in and getting just pass/fail credit. He is now regretting it. We tried everything. Sometimes kids have to get held back to make an impression.
    renerian
    My daughter also was held back a grade. I also tried everything I could think of. We go to a therapist, I am in constant contact with the school and try to watch her like a hawk. But I can't be in the classroom or do the work for her. My daughter believed that she was going to the pass to the next grade and get by with minimal work. Eventually that caught up with her and she had to redo the 8th grade. She was very depressed after that, all of her "friends" had moved on to high school. This August she will start the 9th grade, I will stay behind her as much as possible. At some point she will have to realize that it is up to her. I can only help if she lets me. I don't care what anyone says, it is not easy!
  11. by   nightingale
    It is not easy is right! It can be such a heartbreaker!
  12. by   H ynnoD
    My kids are not teenagers yet,but the first thing they must do when they get home is their homework.Nothing else is aloud untill it is done.If they don't,besides being stuck in their room there are many other Consequences that will happen to them if it is'nt done. :uhoh21:
  13. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from Dixiedi
    I have 1 son who was diagnosed ADD. He did take his meds, want to or not because I told him to! Oh no, my kids feared the wrath if they didn't do as they were told. And ya know what? The fear is all that is needed, and no, it's not cruel or abusive. If a person learns early in life that the consequences are far worse than getting to do as you please they also learn early that if you want anything in life you must work for it!
    I do not go along with the liberal idea that kids have the right to choose this that and the other thing. Yea, let them choose between the green and blue T-shirt, but they have got to learn that choices are relatively few. There are only a couple of options that are acceptable anything else will lead to loss.
    Yep, hard lessons to learn after they reach early adulthood as one of the posers mentioned.
    Make him take his meds, take him to the Doc everytime he complains of chest pain. Do whatever you need to do but make him do what is best for him. Then, stand over him until that homework is done. He needs to learn that he can not get away with the easy road. Unless of course you want to see y

    our son in college taking remedial classes he should have had in high school.

    some of your points i agree with. although the add med did help my dtr., i didn't like how it affected her personality, very spacey.

    anyway, she is a brilliant young lady with a big mouth, blurting things out and being class clown. but to me, if i oppose everything that my teens do, i'm going to force them to sneak behind my back.

    yes, there are definitely many restrictions in their lives, and will do what is best, even if experience has to be their teacher.
  14. by   sabrn2006
    Some people have to learn everything the hard way. My 13 y/o ds is one of them. He does have an ADHD diagnosis. No meds though and no plans for any. Mostly what works for him is behavior mod. His guidance counselor and I came up with a system last year. He had to stay after school everyday unless all of his work was caught up. A teacher had to give him a pass to go home. It was not a fool proof system but he ended up raising most of his grades from 60s (D) to 80s (B). He works better in a structured environment - i.e. the school setting- rather than at home with all the distractions. It is a constant challenge to stay on top of him though. His manipulative powers are awe-inspiring sometimes!!

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