Friendship?

  1. hi everyone,

    I would like to know your opinion about this. I have a friend who's very nice and all, she likes to help everyone. But she always want to borrow money from me. The thing is she might use her money to do unimportant things then she comes to me and ask me to lend her some money. Here's an example, she was asked by other friends to go eat lunch out. However, she was supposed to go to a class that same day. She used her money to go out with her friends then she called me up to lend her some money so that she could take the train. The thing is she doesn't prioritize things in her life. I usually messed up my savings in order to please her since she is nice. But lately, I've been refusing her but I feel guilty because I do have the money. The thing is it's my saving for school and if I keep on breaking it upon her request I won't be doing much of a saving. Any suggestion will be greatly appreciated.
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  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   pkmom
    Wow, that's a pickle. I would just let her know that I was saving every cent for school and, although I would give her money if she truely needed it, I wasn't going to support her frivolous spending habits. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.
  4. by   Arwen
    That is tough! Although you want to be "nice" and please your friend, in the long run you aren't doing her any favors by rescuing her from the consequences of her poor decision making. You say always wants to help everybody, but she is certainly not being considerate of your needs by always coming to ask you for money. You are right to say no and need not feel guilty about it.
  5. by   NurseDennie
    Does she pay you back?

    If not, then she's not borrowing, she's mooching. I can see how you might have a bit of a quandry about whether or not to LEND her money, but if she's not paying you back, then it's a slam-dunk. No in big NON-guilty feeling tones.

    If she's paying you back in a timely manner, I imagine you could lend her money if/when you felt like it/had it to lend, etc., and just not when/if you didn't feel like it.

    You say she's nice, so I hope she doesn't get all tightened up if you tell her you can't/won't lend her money. It doesn't seem right that people get mad at people who can't do THEM a FAVOR, but it happens all the time.

    Love

    Dennie
  6. by   hanginginthere
    hi everyone,

    Thank you for your reply in regards to this matter. The thing about her is not the fact that she doesn't pay back even if she pay back late. But the thing is she knows all my problems yet she has the courage to ask me to lend her some money all the time. She knows that I'm living on my own and I also goes to school. She knows that I work 2 jobs to meet my needs. And her in the other hand is living with her parents and she pays only for market and she doesn't go to school. Consequently, she doesn't even have tuition fees to worry about. She just sometimes take classes for her own personal use such as: how to be a better person or self-esteem. At first I thought she probably need money for whatever reason, I've found her a second job. But of course she turned it down. Her irresponsibility really piss me off.
  7. by   Lausana
    Been there Hanginginthere!

    Boy have I, had a best friend growing up who became much of the same. It got worse over time & became a very one-sided friendship. We'd make plans for lunch or something & when we were seated she'd say she didn't really have any money or "couldn't" cash her check for some weird reason.

    At first I'd be nice and loan her the money, if it was a small amount I'd never see it again! As we've gotten older, she's moved back home several times since she squanders her $ but works full time making almost what I do-so I decided it was rediculous to give her money, even though its nice to "treat" sometimes, because I have my own household to support, and I just don't live irresponsibly off others!

    Definately talk to you friend about what is bothering you-otherwise it will keep on happening and make you bitter towards your friend, with mine I was, she just didn't realize that she treated me & others that way, not only with $ matters.
    Since it didn't seem to bother her that it bothered me when I talked to her, we don't really see each other anymore-I want to stay focused on the important things in my own life and not here about her latest money crisis <as she tells me about the new jeans she bought-ahhhh> I do miss her, but not the babysitting! Enough of my ranting....good luck with this, I know its a hard subject.
  8. by   night owl
    I'll bet if you stop lending the money, she'll stop asking... Just tell her the truth...that you're running on a tight budget and really can't afford the "lend outs." Hopefully she'll get the hint. She's not going to pay your tuition for school, so keep saving that money for your schooling, that's what is important. If she's a real friend, she'll stay around without the handouts. If she doesn't bother with you much after you keep saying, "can't afford it", then all she really wanted was your money, not your friendship. After that, chalk it up and move on. Good luck...
  9. by   NurseDennie
    Yep - I agree!

    It seems to me, that especially with friendships, if you resent doing something, you really should NOT do it.

    I hope things work out well for you. I'm a member of the Older-American Community (a Seasoned Citizen, almost), and I am still financially challenged almost all of the time. Sometimes I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me, and sometimes it really *really* chaps me!!

    Love

    Dennie

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