For the people who enjoy a little pain (and hand-cuffs!)

  1. The following is a set of lyrics written by Tom Lehrer. It's a song written in the 1950's. Very clever. VERY FUNNY! Good for a mid-night belly laugh for those who have a certain taste for the. . . ummmmm. . . slaps and pinches that can make life exciting.

    (For "UntamedSpirit" . . . you asked for it. You got it!)

    Enjoy!
    _____________________
    To HEAR the music:
    Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer

    To read the lyrics:
    Masochism Tango, by Tom Lehrer

    The Masochism Tango
    Another familiar type of love song is the passionate or fiery variety, usually in tango tempo, in which the singer exhorts his partner to haunt him and taunt him and, if at all possible, to consume him with a kiss of fire. This particular illustration of this genre is called The Masochism Tango.

    I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
    But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
    You can raise welts
    Like nobody else,
    As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

    Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
    Say it's me that you want to dismember.
    Blacken my eye,
    Set fire to my tie,
    As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

    At your command
    Before you here I stand,
    My heart is in my hand...
    Yeech!
    It's here that I must be.

    My heart entreats,
    Just hear those savage beats,
    And go put on your cleats
    And come and trample me.

    Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany,
    That's why I'm in such exquisite agony.
    My soul is on fire,
    It's aflame with desire,
    Which is why I perspire when we tango.

    You caught my nose
    In your left castanet, love,
    I can feel the pain yet, love,
    Ev'ry time I hear drums.

    And I envy the rose
    That you held in your teeth, love,
    With the thorns underneath, love,
    Sticking into your gums.

    Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
    The last time I needed twenty stitches
    To sew up the gash
    That you made with your lash,
    As we danced to the Masochism Tango.

    Bash in my brain,
    And make me scream with pain,
    Then kick me once again,
    And say we'll never part.

    I know too well
    I'm underneath your spell,
    So, darling, if you smell
    Something burning, it's my heart... [hiccup]
    'Scuse me!

    Take your cigarette from its holder,
    And burn your initials in my shoulder.
    Fracture my spine,
    And swear that you're mine,
    As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

    ________________________________

    This song is great for live performances, by the way! Very visual!

    I peed my pants when I first saw this number performed live . . . oh so many years ago!

    Glad you all enjoyed the song!

    Ted
    Last edit by Ted on Jun 3, '03
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  2. 22 Comments

  3. by   LauraF, RN
    I can only say OH MY!!!:chuckle
  4. by   alwaysthere
    I love It Ted!
    I bookmarked the page...
    Major coolness!
  5. by   gwenith
    Love Tom Lehrer

    "Shooting Pigeons in the Park"
    "Vatican Rag"

    That man has my sense of humour!!!
  6. by   Jay-Jay
    Did he do "Draft Dodger's Rag" too?

    "I'm just 18, I got a ruptured spleen,
    and I always carry a purse,
    I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat,
    and my asthma's a-getting worse..."
  7. by   CashewLPN
    Ted... you like tom leher too?hehee....my favoriteis the elements.... I'm trying to be able to sing it... its way many words, but I figure if I can sing Hot Patootie, I can to it too...
    and, jay jay, I'm pretty sure he did that too...
    --barbara
  8. by   oramar
    Not my cup of tea. Don't think it is funny at all. I get hysterical if someone raises their voice to me. Can't imagine someone raising their hand to me. I know it is a joke but some people just don't get it and I am one of them.
  9. by   Ted
    Oramar . . . I respect your opinion! Truely, this kind of humor is not everyone's cup of tea.

    When well sung, and well performed, it's funny as all get out for those with "The Twisted Sense of Humor". . .

    And when it's not well sung and not well performed. . . it's even funnier for the people with "The Really Twisted Sense of Humor"

    Cheers to you!

    Ted
    Last edit by Ted on Jun 3, '03
  10. by   gwenith
    Check out the Whole website - song Barbara is referring to is called "the elements" where he simply sings all of the names of all of the elements on the periodic table to the tune of "A modern Major General" - it sounds dreadful when you say it like that but it is very funny in real life.
  11. by   nowplayingEDRN
    :chuckle :roll

    Ted.....

    THANK YOU!!!!! I still have tears rolling down my cheeks from reading this and it was laugh that I was in serious need of!!:kiss

    I am going to check out the link now..and I am sure that when I get to the site, I better just leave my coffee cup where it sits lest my puter screen and keyboard get a cream and caffeine bath!!! lol lol lol

    oramar,

    I too respect your opinion and did not mean to cause offense. I freely admit that my sense of humor is warped, twisted and demented. I attribute it to years of working the graveyard (pun intended) shift and being a critical care nurse (I have had many folks tell me that critical care/emergency room nurse seem to all have gallows humor. so oramar, I hold out the olive branch and beg your pardon (sincerely) for instigating something that was offensive to you.

    Christie
  12. by   nowplayingEDRN
    :roll :chuckle

    Ted.....

    THANK YOU!!!!! I still have tears rolling down my cheeks from reading this and it was laugh that I was in serious need of!!:kiss

    I am going to check out the link now..and I am sure that when I get to the site, I better just leave my coffee cup where it sits lest my puter screen and keyboard get a cream and caffeine bath!!! lol lol lol

    oramar,

    I too respect your opinion and did not mean to cause offense. I freely admit that my sense of humor is warped, twisted and demented. I attribute it to years of working the graveyard (pun intended) shift and being a critical care nurse (I have had many folks tell me that critical care/emergency room nurse seem to all have gallows humor. so oramar, I hold out the olive branch and beg your pardon (sincerely) for instigating something that was offensive to you.

    Christie
  13. by   nowplayingEDRN
    I apologize for the double post.....when I hit submit...the server had it's own way and posted it 2x instead of one.....lol
  14. by   oramar
    We had scary handcuff situation in our family two weeks ago. My BIL is policeman. He has a safe with double lock where he secures his gun. However, he never locked up cuffs. My sister found the 5 year old playing with cuffs and just put them up high. Both of them were negligent because the kid found the cuffs again and handcuffed himself to door handle. Somehow he made them very tight and his little hand was turning blue. My BIL has only key, panic was the rule amoung the family females 'cause BIL was no where to be found. Police were called but somehow another male person took the screws out and freed the kid before cops got there. Now and forevermore handcuffs go in safe with gun when BIL gets home from work. It begs the question about how easy is it to get those cuffs apart. Wonder if a bad guy figured out how to get the screws out? BIL says that it takes two free hands to do that. Anyway, makes me scratch my head about how anyone could find those things erotic. My little nephew is terrified of them now. I bet he will never touch them again.

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