five surgeons

  1. > Subject: Five surgeons
    > Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
    > The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table,
    > because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
    > The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians.
    > Everything inside them is color-coded."
    > The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;
    > everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
    > The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers.
    > They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the
    > end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
    > But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when
    > he observes: "The French are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts,
    > no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and butt are
  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   nurs4kids
    >>Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the
    >>day by a female interviewer concerning guns and children.
    >>Regardless of how
    >>you feel about gun control this is one of the best comeback lines
    >>of all time.
    >>It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between
    >>the female
    >>broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald as he was
    >>preparing to
    >>sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
    >>FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going
    >>to teach
    >>these young boys when they visit your base?
    >>GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing,
    >>archery and
    >>FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
    >>GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised
    >>on the
    >>rifle range.
    >>FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly
    >>activity to be teaching children?
    >>GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper
    >>discipline before they even touch a firearm.
    >>FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent
    >>GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but
    >>you're not
    >>one, are you?
    >>The radio went silent and the interview ended.
    >>You gotta love the Marines!
  4. by   rncountry
    Funny Tracy!

    An American was in Paris on business, he had to take a train back to the hotel and he was extremely tired. As he looked for a seat the only one he found was one that had a poodle in it.
    He asked the Frenchwoman that had the poodle to please move the dog so he may sit down. Instead she said "You American's are so rude"
    So the American walked the train again hoping to see a seat he missed before, but it was to no avail. He returned to the Frenchwoman with the poodle and explained he was very tired, that he could not find any other seat and would she please move the poodle. The Frenchwoman's response was to say"You American's are not only you, you are arrogant as well."
    At this point the American was simply too frustrated and threw the poodle out of the window.
    The Brit across the aisle remarked "You American's do everything wrong, you threw the wrong b***h out the window"
  5. by   nursenoelle
    Too funny you guys

    I saw this somewhere day one of conflict

    Sadaams day:

    Sweep palace

    Call France to get an estimator out here

    Change pants
  6. by   Mkue
    Tracy, Helen, nursenoelle, you are all too funny:chuckle

    Heard on the radio before the War began.

    Colin Powell and Iraqi Diplomat meet up in a UN lounge sipping coffee before a UN meeting.

    Iraqi Diplomat: Mr. Powell are you aware that only 4% of the American people even know where Iraq is?

    Colin Powell: Yes I am, (pause) but unfortunately for you that 4% are all Marines.
  7. by   sbic56
    All of Saddam's body doubles are called to a meeting.

    "First, the good news. Saddam is alive."

    "The bad news is, he has lost a leg and an eye..."


    Oh, and your tagline. I've always thought Charles rocked!
  8. by   nurs4kids
    LOL!! those are too funny, guys! Thanks sbic..he's a local hero 'round here.
  9. by   nursenoelle
    Laughter is indeed the best medicine

    Hans Across Iraq

    Dear Mr. Blix,
    Welcome to Iraq! It is so good of you and your Weapons Inspectors to visit my humble nation once again. My people are overjoyed to assist the totally neutral and gloriously impotent UN in serving their American Masters. I realize that many of you would much rather be touring the Third World for some magnificently ineffective do-nothing NGO, but alas you are here compromising your values on behalf of Western oil companies.

    Before you wipe the blood from your hands and get down to the business of concocting reasons for the US to bomb us back to the stone ages of 1991, I thought I'd help reorient you to the ways of magical Baghdad with a few "Dos" and "Don'ts".

    Slavishly patronize Baghdad locals with chocolate bars and worthless Western baubles. Nothing ingratiates us more to intrusive throngs of chubby, sweaty, lobster-red warmongers then when they pass out meaningless tchotkes to us Third World "savages". We will remember these tokens as we dance on your bleached bones. I joke!

    Ignore my playful peoples penchant for recreational HAZMAT suit use. Moreover, ignore the glowing, three-tailed rats that are indigenous to Baghdad. While you're at it, ignore the totally desolate warehouse full of rotting canisters at the corner of Saddam Is Great Avenue and Drown In Blood Yankee Dogs Boulevard.

    Feel free to enter any building, factory, or hospital you desire. And while you're busy violating my paranoid and fragile egos sovereignty, feel free to double-check the bedpans of the dying, gut the teddy bears of orphans, and pour into the dirt any and all bottles of weapons grade baby formula you might uncover.

    Forget your high-tech Weapons of Mass Destruction Poking Sticks or Nintendo Gameboys at the hotel. We know that without these useless, aesthetic "tools" you cannot unearth the make-believe stores of plutonium I don't have hidden underneath my opulent Presidential Palaces that my people willed me to build for my own noble pleasures.

    Ignore the cultural relativism we know you studied in your Liberal Arts Colleges. We humble Iraqis have a far different culture than the advanced West. Whereas you respect the differences between languages, cultures and value systems, I want to kill. Kill you, your family, friends, grammar school teachers, the Israelis, whole bunches of Saudis and just for good measure, my new yet treacherous-looking barber Adnan.

    Mock our cherished Iraqi way of life. While you might think it barbaric and backward, our seemingly brutal governmental system is based on sound fascistic principles that have helped keep the majority of Arabs in splendid desolate squalor for decades.

    I truly hope your stay here is a positive experience. I pray that those of you I do not like do not accidentally get caught in the crossfire of the invasion you are busy inventing!

    In Me I Trust,

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