Financial advice

  1. I really need some financial advice from you guys. I know you can't decide for me, but I really need to talk to somebody.

    I have gotten behind on my bills every since my mom died and having to pay her bills. ( well i finally got to file bankrupt on her stuff). Well anyway, I owe 1200 dollars with check cashing places. I make 814 per month after taxes. I went to a credit counselor to see if they can help me consolidate and they told me the best advice would be to file bankrupt or find a job that pays more. I can't leave my job cause they are paying for my school.

    Me and my boyfriend are having a lot of problems. We went out of town last weekend just to get away. The room for 3 nights was 68.00. We spent totaled around 75 including the room. (we took food with us). He threw up to my face that I backstabbed him into going on our trip with my bills being behind. I told him three weeks ago how far behind I was. I did not tell him about the check cashing places. Well, anyway, the next two nights and days, I did nothing but cry. The things that he has said to me, I cannot say back. He has told me on several occasions that if I did not like the way things were, then there is the door. My supervisor says that I am obtaining alot of verbal abuse from him and that is as bad as physical abuse. She is telling me to go to a safeway house.

    I guess what my question is....I have an appt on Tuesday to talk to a lawyer about bankruptcy. I feel like if I can get out from under some of these bills, I can then afford to move out. But I am afraid to be alone. I have talked to two of my creditors that I want to affirm with (car loan) and they said that would be the best thing for me. Can anybody please offer any advice for me......Should I go ahead and file and try to find me a place to live and move out.
  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   Nurse Ratched
    Hissy, my heart hurts for you.

    My sister was in a position where she lived with a man who ran up a number of bills in her name (using her credit card.) She works a low paying job, was in the position of being afraid to be alone (she felt like a loser was better that no one at all) and felt like she ahd no options. He had beaten her self-esteem to the point that she thought she didn't deserve any better.

    Let me tell you how proud I was of her when she finally moved out. She swallowed her pride, went home to my parents who were thrilled she was finally away from this mentally, physically and verbally abusve man, and she got her life back in order. She is finally finishing paying off the bills accumulated during her time with htis man (it's been 4 years) she is happily married to a man who treats her like gold. They aren't wealthy, but they are happy.

    Is there anyone with whom you can move in at least temporarily? I know you said your mother is deceased - my sympathies on her loss. Do you have siblings, close friends, or have you been estranged from them because of this relationship? If you want to get out, start by getting a PO Box and changing all your stuff to it ASAP. He may not be object to you leaving, but he may do his level best to sabotogue you. If you think he will become violent in any way at the thought of you leaving (despite the "there's the door" commments, then you should plan your leaving, get out while he's away and don't let him know where you'll be.

    Might also consider getting anything out of your name in terms of utilities if possible.

    One step at a time, but it's up to you to make that first step.

    PM me if you need some support.
    I have to admit, He has never physically abused me. He has helped me in so many ways to get out of this mess, that his bills are now behind. There is nothing in this world that he would not do for me. He has even gone to get me a loan to help me last year, and he is currently paying on that. He encourages me in school to do my best. If I make a good grade in school, he will congradulate me and the next payday, he will take me out to eat. I have two sisters, but they live an hour away. I try my best to make him happy. He has alot of problems and that might be getting in his way of thinking. I know he has said that I have gotten on his nerves lately. He is a very moody person. He could be happy one minutes, and then I could say something, and he could bite nails the next minute. I have offered to go with him to counseling, but it is wasting my breath.

    He is angry with his job. He has been there 10 years and has never received a raise. He lost a daughter 11 years ago. I know that is weighing on his mind. I am not trying to make excuses, but I did not know if this helps or not.

    Hissy :O)
  5. by   BadBird
    Awwww Hissy,

    Well you asked for advise so here is my opinion.

    1. Cut up your credit cards, do not use them at all ever !!!!

    2. Pay more than the minimum on the credit card bills

    3. Do not buy anything except food, no new clothes, shoes, etc.. until your debt is paid off.

    4. Stop eating out, cook at home it will save you money.

    Yes, those seem hard to do but you will never get out of debt if you don't change your spending habbits. How much is your total debt? If it is less than 5,000.00 I would not declare bankruptcy, just pay what you can, the bill collectors will call, let them, just pay what you can. Even to file bankruptcy a attorney will want hundreds of dollars that could be applied to a bill.

    As for your boyfriend, from what I read here he seems stressed about his own problems as well as your debt. Do you feel trapped like you have no where else to go? If you could move in with your family for a while that may be a good solution. If his mood doesn't improve then at least you will be away from him. You said you are afraid to be alone, I personally would rather be alone the rest of my life than be stuck in a relationship with someone who verbally abuses me. Once you get your finances under control, continue to do well in school and get closer to your goals you will find independence and inner strength. You sound like you are afraid to be away from him but if you were you would have the opportunity to get to know yourself and your own strengths. If you choose to stay with him , well that is your business but please don't tolerate abuse in any form. Good luck.
  6. by   Nurse Ratched
    Great advice, Badbird!
    Thanks guys I appreciate your advice.

    I have not used my credit cards in four years. The only new clothes I have gotten was at Christmas time. I totalled up my y car and the funeral bill, it is 12000.00 not including everything else. I want to reaffirm my car so I can get to work.

    I really appreciate your words and will take them to heart. Love you guys.... :O)
  8. by   Nurse Ratched
    Hoping all turns out well for you, Hissy. You seem very driven to do the right thing. The fact that you have tried so diligently to wrap up your late mother's affairs speaks highly of you and your values.
  9. by   gij1
    Stay, stay in school. A degree will lead you out of poverty. Also, even though your guy encourages you in school and at times really positive does not mean he is a keeper. I had the same situation, my guy really helped me emotionally with school but he hardly worked, never paid bills, smoked pot every day, so the bad out weighs the good. Is your guy really worth keeping? If he emotionally abuses, makes you cry and feel bad, just does not sound like a good situation. Call a local women's abuse line, talk to them, and have someone give you feedback on the situation. You don't sound happy. Maybe just get out, go stay with someone!!! Good luck, keep us posted how you are.
  10. by   manna
    Good luck.. the thing I'd be worried about most in your position is the check cashing places. If it was a "check advance" type of place (where you write them a check and they hold it until "payday" or whenever), if those checks are returned they can send them to the D.A., who will ultimately arrest you if you don't have the money to pay them. Are you getting a tax refund? Maybe you could clear some things up with that?

    My favorite financial advice guru and radio host is Dave Ramsey - you can listen to his show online at He is totally anti-debt.
  11. by   babynurselsa
    The only other suggestions that I can offer are the ones that I have done myself. I worked overtime, even took a second job. I was working 70-80 hours a week but was able to avoid bankruptcy.
    No eating out, no splurges, every extra cent goes to pay extra for something. Do not make the "minimum payment for anything.
    You may have to forego a few other extras like cable tv or cell phones. Personally I decided I would rather live the spartan existence for a while than declare bankptcy.
    Hang in there there is light at the end of the tunnel.
  12. by   Katnip
    Hissy, you said he refuses to go to counseling, but have you considered it for yourself? It might help you help deal with him, and maybe help you find the self-esteem you so badly need so you don't feel afraid to be alone, Sweetie.

    Most cities and counties have mental health organizations that you can go to for free, or your school may have some options. They also might be able to put you in touch with other resources.

    No matter what you choose to do, I wish you the best. You're in a tough situation, but I think you can make it.

  13. by   Tweety
    Good advice here. Lots for you to think about. Best wishes. Hope you can stay in school, try to work extra hours though on breaks and such.

    Hope it works out for you. Oh and stay away from those check cashing services.
  14. by   LauraF, RN
    Hissy- It sounds like your boyfriend was angry because you guys planned a trip rather then using the money to pay your bills. You really should not plan any get aways or anything until this is under control. Bankruptcy is not the worse thing in the world. We had to file for it several years ago. We are almost finished with it. It does effect your life for some time. But I am finding more and more people who have had to do it. It will help you get back on track. It may be worth your time to talk to a lawyer about it. Find one privately. Don't go to someone who advertises on TV. Find one that is reputable. He will tell you if you have other options.