Feeling used

  1. Ok, it's probably my own fault because I am always doing good deeds for people. Back in early november, one of my sons friends (15 y/o) who is at my house quite often asked if he could stay at my house for a few days at the end of Nov because his mom had to go out of town and his dad is out of the country with the military. I told him I would have to talk to his mom (actually step-mom) because I would need the details from her, and I hadn't met either of his parents yet. I normally make it a point to meet or at least introduce myself to all of my sons friends parents, but attempts to meet his mom before this didn't work out.

    So he told his mom to call, and finally about a week before she was to leave she called me. She seemed very nice over the phone but she said she would be gone, for a job interview in Hawaii, for about 10 days, and she wouldn't be back until the day after thanksgiving. I thought it sounded strange to interview for that long, and over a holiday, but I didn't want to question her and seem like I was doubting it. I agreed to have him at my house since we were having thansgiving at home anyway, and she said she would contact me with all the info, including a medical power of attorney just in case, before she left.

    So, the night before she left she called to confirm, and I invited her over so she could bring his stuff and we could meet. She declined, and said that he would come to my house from school the next day and she would send everything with him.

    So the next day he comes home with my son and they have to go get his stuff from his house. He had no phone numbers for his mom or dad, and she only gave him $20 to buy school lunch with, which he managed to spend half of that day. I was a little annoyed (not with him, but with her) that I now had responsibility for this child, I had no way to get in touch with the parents or even any doctor info if something should happen, and he didn't have enough money to get through the next ten days.

    Four days later the mom calls to check on everything, and I told her I needed contact information for her since I never received it from her son. (He didn't know where it was) She said she had given it to her 17 y/o daughter, who went to her friends house, and who was supposed to get it to me. She gave me her numbers and said she would call back the next day.

    So, not surprisingly, I didn't hear from her for the rest of the time. On friday after thanksgiving, the boy tells me at 10:30 that his sister had called and said his mom wanted him home by 11 am, and that he would walk home. I had company so I told him to try to call his mom and let her know that I would take him home around one if that was ok. He wasn't able to get in touch with her, so he decided he needed to get home by 11 so he wouldn't get in trouble.

    I thought the mom would call me to see how things went, or at least say thank you, but I still haven't heard from her. I have been reluctant to call her because I'm pretty mad and I know I will say things that I will probably regret. This boy has said in the past that he has problems with his step mom, but I always thought it was the normal teen/step-parent issues.

    Anyway, there are more details to this story, but it already looks like a novel instead of a post. Just needed to vent. My husband had doubts about watching him because we hadn't met the parents, and now he is saying "I told you so", which I deserve. Thanks for listening.
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    About CountrifiedRN

    Joined: Jan '02; Posts: 1,032; Likes: 7


  3. by   Stargazer
    I know this is YOUR vent, rn2B, and yes, the stepmom sucks, and yes you were taken adantage of, but I just feel so sorry for this poor kid right now. He must feel completely unwanted in his own home.
  4. by   Lausana
    I feel bad for those kids, it's hard enough staying over as a guest for a couple days, but for 10 days! You did good by helping him...he probably had a better holiday with your family than he would have at home! But I think you need to speak with his mother...her story sounds like BS. I'm sorry you got dumped on, but at least feel pleased you did good by that young man.
  5. by   researchrabbit
    You did a good thing for that young man...I am sorry for him and his sister that she is shirking her responsibilities.
  6. by   ptnurse
    You did a very good deed by being so nice to that boy. You are indeed a sweet and kind soul. What in the world might have happened to him if you had not agreed to take him in??? A week long interview in Hawaii over a holiday?--yeah I'm thinking she is way bogus.
  7. by   oramar
    Sounds like the biological parents are abdicating their duties also.
  8. by   BadBird
    I feel sorry for that poor kid, I can't imagine not being with my kids on Thanksgiving. Can you imagine what the kid is thinking? My son has a friend who we have unofficially adopted, he lives with us during the summer and all school breaks, he is a really good kid with really ******* parents. I won't go into detail but let me say that I would rather have him with me where I know he is taken care of than have something bad happen to him.
  9. by   Tweety
    Yep you were used. She dumped her kids on people while she was on a nice holiday in Hawaii. Very selfish.

    But at least you did good by the kid.
  10. by   aus nurse
    Oh yep, you were used allright. At least this poor kid got to spend time with a normal caring family though.
    I can not fathom any parent...step or other...who would allow their kid to go to a house even for a day, let alone 10...where they have not met the parents!!! I find that amazing.
  11. by   casperbjs
    How nice of you to let him stay with you. He was very fortunate that you said yes. You probably showed him what a happy and loving home really is. Wonder what his stepmom would have done if you had said no. It is so sad that there is people like her in this world. Poor kid!
  12. by   Rustyhammer
    It's not the kids fault.
    If he is a good kid and well behaved and follows the house rules then welcome him back to your home. He will know he has a port in the storm and it kind of sounds like he could use one now and then.
    Originally posted by ptnurse
    You did a very good deed by being so nice to that boy. You are indeed a sweet and kind soul. What in the world might have happened to him if you had not agreed to take him in??? A week long interview in Hawaii over a holiday?--yeah I'm thinking she is way bogus.

    (can you tell I'm lazy today?)

  14. by   CountrifiedRN
    Thanks for all the thoughtful replies, I half expected to get bashed for being so naieve, and for not getting the info....demanding the info....before she left. But once I had committed, I wouldn't have backed out in any case, because I was worried about where he would go if he didn't come to my house. I know the step-mom hasn't met any of the other parents our kids pal around with either because it has often been a topic of conversation that she is hard to get up with.

    This kid is a really good kid, but has a lot of anger issues right now and gets in trouble at school a lot. But he is always respectful to me and my family, and he confides in me sometimes that he is angry that his father is never home, and he wants to go live with his mom who is in another state, but his dad won't let him. (Don't know the full story behind that) I have let him know that he is always welcome in my home, and that he can talk to me anytime he needs to. He is really smart, and has a humorous outlook on life, and I see a lot of potential in him. I am certain that the trouble he has in school is just a cry for attention.

    Aus nurse, I had to giggle at your statement that he got to spend time with a normal and caring family because we're anything but normal! Caring, yes, but I think we are definately closer to the Osbournes than the Cleavers on the normal scale, LOL!

    Anyway, it felt good to vent. Thanks everyone!