1. Ok its late and im thinking.
    As some of you may know my life and family life has always been pretty screwed estranged from one side of my family by distance and the other by a restraining order (lonngg story).
    But I have had and do have some wonderful friends that are to me my family....they have been there and have loved me more so than any of my blood...i consider them family whereas those that are related to me are strangers...and yet my mother expects me to except those people when they all that sudden after these many years want to be 'family'.... i was just wondering if anyone else had real hearfelt 'chosen ' family like this and wanted to share about there wonderful family.
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    About alwaysthere

    Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 608; Likes: 5


  3. by   Jenny P
    There is an old saying about "you can pick your friends but not your family." I really like part of my family a lot; and then there is part of my family I'd rather not deal with. I have some friends that I've known and loved for 30-40+ years who I'd trust my life to who I do consider family since we are so close. One friend and I are so close we act like siblings; last time I saw him, the first thing he asked me to do was help get an ID tag out of his daughters' goats' ear (he'd just found out he'd labeled the wrong goat). It may not sound too odd, but I hadn't seen him in 2 years and he didn't know I was in that part of the country when I dropped in unexpectedly.
  4. by   RNinICU
    My husband and I are both estranged from our families. He has not seen his mother or sister for over seven years. We get a Christmas card from his brother every year, but haven't seen him either. I see my mother three times a year, her birthday, mother's day, and Christmas, even though she only lives ten minutes away. I can't seem to bring myself to make the final break, even though I know how toxic she is. I have one freind that I am very close to, who I have known fo 35 years. She knows all my secrets and fears. I have a very difficult time forming close relationships with others. It takes me a long time to trust them. I have many social freinds, but only the one who is close enough to call family. My hubby is the same way, he has one very good freind, and a lot of more casual freinds.

    When it comes to my husband and my children, though, we are very close. And I have become close to my sons' wives, seeing tham like my daughters. Can't bring myself to feel the same way about my daughter's husband though. I can barely tolerate him.
  5. by   SmilingBluEyes
    My "family" is my dh, my kids and a very few CLOSE friends. My family (nuclear one back in Chicago) are RELATIVES to me....I love them, but they are not there for me, I have separated myself from them as a result. They disowned me when I joined the military in 1982. I was an embarassment and shame in their upper middle class thinking.......... They have since "taken me into the fold", but the damage is done as far as I am concerned. It's they way it is; painful but oh well.

    You do well to find people who share common ground and care about you for WHO YOU ARE, and they are NOT always related by blood. That is a given. My friends have done SO MUCH MORE FOR ME THAN my sisters or parents ever have or will. Hope I can somehow raise my own kids differently. Time will tell, I suppose. It is sad how things end up w/family at times. But, That's life.:stone
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Sep 24, '02
  6. by   ptnurse
    I am actually pretty close to my parents, but I have a couple of brothers and we are not close. I wish we were. I was never very close to my older brother even growing up. He has a quiet personality and stays to himself and as an adult has always lived some distance away. My younger brother used to be around some, but there have been problems and now he is just not around. I miss my brothers. Something inside of me misses a relationship with my siblings that I never really had in the first place. There are no major problems between any of us, it is just like we don't have a lot in common to hold us together either.
  7. by   Mattigan
    My friends are my family. My family was/is weird. Not close at all.I have 1st cousins/aunts I've never met. Basically, my father's family couldn't stand him and were never around. (no blame- I couldn't stand him either) amd mom's is just full of screwed up religious fanatics and evangelical preachers.

    I moved to Oklahoma 30 years ago. It was my parents, my sister and myself. My parents have been deceased for years. I have nothing to do with my sister(that's a loooong , sad story) but I raised her daughter and she and her husband are "my family" . I have a friend who has 2 kids and I am their "Aunt" (one of the kids has been my nieces best friend since 1st grade). I have another long time friend and I am godmother to her 2 kids. I have a few other very close friends that are family. They are always there for me.They know who they are and they are the sisters and brothers of my heart.

    Then I have a buch of run around and have fun friends.
  8. by   BadBird
    Isn't it odd that so many of us consider out dear friends more like family that our blood relatives. I am somewhat comforted reading the above posts and now realize that I am not the only one with a dysfunctional family. Choice is wonderful and thank God we can choose our friends.
  9. by   live4today
    I have a very loving and extremely DYSFUNCTIONAL family....even my husband and I get along like "friends" and we are making preparations to go our separate ways". Like husband number second husband and I will always love one another, and wish each other well. I see no reason for's too too too short for feelings of that nature. I choose to take the "high road"....forgive.....move on...hold no grudges......learn from each season of my life and take with me the hard earned lessons learned. I wish this for all who struggle in their lives with forgiveness and the ability to be mature enough to accept one another's differences without hating or isolating oneself from the person. My motto is: LOVE THE PERSON.....HATE ONLY HIS/HER ACTIONS that tend to rub you the wrong way. One can continue to love someone without staying in the life of that person. Hating only adds anger, anxiety, unrest, and discontent in the hearts of those who choose to harbor such feelings. Let go of that garbage....throw it out with the is trash you know......move forward in life with love in your heart.....forgiveness in your heart.....forgiveness does not mean forgetting.....forgiveness is in place for us to offer one another because it brings about a heart filled with inner peace from having freed ourselves of the burden of holding on to something "ugly". To forget would be to forget the lesson(s) learned from the moment in time that caused those hard feelings in the first place. Appreciate the and pray for the person......add to your life what was good...toss out what is bad...move forward with love in your hearts always. :kiss :kiss :kiss
    Last edit by live4today on Oct 3, '02

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