extension of fran's gentle thoughts......

  1. - when cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

    - when someone asks you, 'a penny for your thoughts and you put your 2 cents in, what happens to the other penny?

    - if a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

    - what if there were no hypothetical questions?

    - before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

    - why do croutons come in airtight packages? it's just stale bread to begin with.

    - if the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

    "i am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the english language. could it be "i do" is the longest sentence?

    - is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

    - do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

    - if God dropped acid, would he see people?

    - how is it possible to have a 'civil' war?

    - if a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

    and finally,

    - if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation???

    some of these are george carlin, some not. all great.
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   jnette
    Quote from earle58
    - when cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

    cut !!! :uhoh21:


    these are great... :chuckle
  4. by   VivaLasViejas
    Quote from earle58
    - when cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

    - when someone asks you, 'a penny for your thoughts and you put your 2 cents in, what happens to the other penny?

    - if a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

    - what if there were no hypothetical questions?

    - before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

    - why do croutons come in airtight packages? it's just stale bread to begin with.

    - if the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

    "i am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the english language. could it be "i do" is the longest sentence?

    - is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

    - do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

    - if God dropped acid, would he see people?

    - how is it possible to have a 'civil' war?

    - if a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

    and finally,

    - if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation???

    some of these are george carlin, some not. all great.
    Especially the one about God dropping acid.......the mental pictures are hilarious!!

    Here's a few of my personal favorites:

    Why is it that we park in a driveway, but drive on a parkway?

    Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    How come they call it a TV set, when you only get one?

    Shouldn't the number 11 be pronounced, "onety-one"?

    Why is it that goods on a ship are called cargo, while goods delivered by vehicles are called a shipment?

    Why are they called "apartments" when they're all stuck together?

    If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

    Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

    Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

    You know how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks? What do Chinese mothers use---toothpicks?

    Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

    If you shoot a mime, do you need a silencer?

    If a man says something and there's no woman around to hear, is he still wrong?
    Last edit by VivaLasViejas on Jun 26, '04
  5. by   nurseunderwater
    ditto on the God and acid one.........thanks for the laughs sista!
  6. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from nurseunderwater
    ditto on the God and acid one.........thanks for the laughs sista!
    only us druggies could appreciate this.......
  7. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from mjlrn97
    Especially the one about God dropping acid.......the mental pictures are hilarious!!



    Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

    If you shoot a mime, do you need a silencer?
    why do i only pee myself with hysterical laughter on those jokes that suggest violence??

    and if a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands???
  8. by   suzanne4
    Thanks for the smiles, my brain is too tired to add any at this time, have already been up for about 14 hours and have more to go........

  9. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from earle58

    - when someone asks you, 'a penny for your thoughts and you put your 2 cents in, what happens to the other penny?

    - if a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

    - what if there were no hypothetical questions?

    - before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

    - why do croutons come in airtight packages? it's just stale bread to begin with.

    - if the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

    "i am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the english language. could it be "i do" is the longest sentence?

    - is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

    - do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

    - how is it possible to have a 'civil' war?

    - if a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

    and finally,

    - if someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation???
    These are my favorites.
  10. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from mjlrn97

    Why is it that we park in a driveway, but drive on a parkway?

    Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    How come they call it a TV set, when you only get one?

    Shouldn't the number 11 be pronounced, "onety-one"?

    Why is it that goods on a ship are called cargo, while goods delivered by vehicles are called a shipment?

    Why are they called "apartments" when they're all stuck together?

    If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

    Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

    Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

    You know how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks? What do Chinese mothers use---toothpicks?

    Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

    If you shoot a mime, do you need a silencer?
    These are good too.:chuckle :chuckle
  11. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from earle58
    why do i only pee myself with hysterical laughter on those jokes that suggest violence??

    and if a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands???
    :chuckle Such good stuff!!!!!!!Hee,hee!
  12. by   VivaLasViejas
    Here's another one for ya Leslie:

    If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty litter?
  13. by   FranEMTnurse
    Would a Local Area Network in Australia be
    called the LAN down under?
    I often break into song but only because I
    can't find the key.
    When you see one shopping center, you've seen
    a mall.
    Eve was probably the only woman who ever took a
    man's side.
    When my Novocain supply ran out, I knew my
    number was up.
    I found a penny and two dimes in my soup
    yesterday. The waitress told me it was because
    I'd threatened to stop eating there if there
    wasn't some change in the food.
    Mary Poppins now lives in Los Angeles, telling
    futures by smelling your breath. The sign outside
    her shop reads, "Super California Mystic, Expert
    Halitosis."

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