Ex-husband problems

  1. I don't know where to begin so forgive my babble. My ex-husband who has had pretty much no communication with our kids for the last 7 years decided he wanted custody of our daughter !!! His reason is that he doesn't want to pay anymore child support, he wants me to pay. For the past 7 years he has not reimbursed me for their medical, dental, vision and now he has the nerve to try to get my daughter to turn against me. My daughter is 14 which is a EVIL age, she is enjoying this but I refuse to play their games. I contacted a lawyer and basically was told their isn't a snowballs chance in hell that he would get custody of her, well after going back and forth for the past few months, he is ordered to repay me, provide the life insurance policy that he neglected to take out (by court order). The problem is my son, he is a great kid, he turned 18 and his sperm donor (aka Father) told him that he could not visit, could not stay with him, and at his age he was in the military, That ******* told my son that "you are a adult now, so act like one" That poor kid was devestated. Now today, I read my daughters e-mail, (I know that is bad) and he is telling her to sneak things out, don't tell your mother, etc... I will send all this to the lawyer, who is in the process of getting a order for him to stop bad mouthing me. God I hate him so much, I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire !!! I have tried to explain the situation to my daughter but she just wants to go live with the sperm donor, she thinks that she won't have chores, you know life is greener stuff. Well I let her know that it is not in her best interest to live with someone like that. Her response was "why can't you be a normal mom, you know like someone who doesn't care, why do you have to care" I have gone gray and now bald over this. Where is Tony Soprano when you need him !!! Forgive my ranting I just needed to vent.
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    About BadBird

    Joined: Aug '00; Posts: 2,631; Likes: 20
    Critical Care


  3. by   Tweety
    Vent away. I get very very very angry at people who use children like that. Children should have absolutely nothing to do with a divorce (yeah right pollyanna here).

    By the way, the dishonesty he displays in his emails will just go against him in the long run. What kind of parent is he going to be if he encourages dishonesty? He is tying the noose around his own neck. Just sit back and watch it happen.

    I hope things work out peacefully soon.
  4. by   mattsmom81
    My DH was a victim of 2 parents that used the kids as ammunition thru their ugly marriage and uglier divorced years. He wishes one of his parents would have prirotized with the kids...protected him... even a little (as you are trying to do )

    In time your kids will see you both for who you are...and they will figure things out. They will see YOU are the good guy here....trying to lessen the negative effects on them.

    (((HUGS)))) Badbird....try not to let one evil person rain on your parade. I know it's tough.....hang in there and vent whenever you need to!
  5. by   Rustyhammer
    14 IS the evil age isn't it?
    I can just see him letting her hang out with questionable friends to all hours etc...
    I'd never SLEEP worrying.
  6. by   2banurse
    I don't think that you really have to worry about your ex-husband getting custody...after 7 years of absolutely no contact and no support, no judge is going to grant him partial custody let alone full custody. Your daughter is at the ugh! age and unfortunately is prime for manipulation and is the one who will ultimately be the one hurt. Don't stop caring for her and telling her you love her...she'll rant and rave for a while and hopefully see things more clearly in the future.
    Just a thought...why don't you see if you can get a lawyer for your daughter (and of course, have the bum pay for the cost). My sister is going through a similar situation and has one for my nephew.
    wishing you the best...as a former ugh! evil child, I've appreciated my mom a lot more as I got older and saw things as they truly are.

  7. by   duckie
    Make sure you print out any evidence that comes your way because if it comes through on your computer, answering machine, etc, it's evidence and will go along way to prove his character. CYA!!!!!!
  8. by   LasVegasRN
    I remember a friend of mine going through this. I don't know if I could do it with Emma but, it's a thought.
    When her 14 year old was playing this game, all of a sudden one day, she said to her daughter, GO AHEAD. GO LIVE WITH HIM.
    The daughter lasted 3 weeks and was begging to come back home. She never asked her mother to do that again.
    Don't know if this would work in your case or not, but sometimes it helps to let them see how that green grass can stink sometimes.
  9. by   BadBird
    Thanks everyone for your support, I do feel better after venting. I have passworded the internet so she can not access his evil e-mail, I explained to her that her Father was playing games and trying to use her, she insists she wants to live there but doesn't put up much of a fight, I think she wants to stay with me but is enjoying his game. I won't budge, I can not trust him to take care of her and I explained all that to her. It is a tough battle but I will do whatever is necessary for her. Hey Rusty, she does not stay out all night, I would never allow that, even my 18 year old doesn't I guess I am pretty strict but I have great kids, good students, no drugs, no drinking, no teen pregnancies, and of course no sleep for me. Oh well, Thanks again for letting me vent.
  10. by   NurseDennie
    (((((((((Bad Bird)))))))))))) What a bummer to be going through this.

    If I see him on fire, I won't pee on him either. Even if I have to go, really really bad.

    Stand firm you good mum, you. He probably figures that it's no work to have a 14 year old in his house (no baby food, diapers, putting snowclothes on the kids, buckling in and out of the car seats) and maybe she'll do housework for him! She'd undoubtedly figure it outand immediately come back home (if you did let her go with him), but like Deneen said, that would be WAY too scary for you!

    Thinking of you - you'll get through this!!!


  11. by   CountrifiedRN
    Bad Bird, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's hard enough raising teens with out someone who is supposed to be a parent encouraging dishonesty.

    I have an ex who is an immature ******* too. Last year when the kids went to visit he shared some beer with my then 15 y/o son and his cousin. He told the kids not to tell, but the cousin did tell his mom because he got nervous after the fact when he had to take his anti-seizure meds. My ex sis-in-law almost killed him (my ex, that is). Now I worry every time the kids go visit him, but I have ex sis-in-law keep a watchful eye on what they do.

    I hope things get better for you soon. I know how hard it is to hear your kids say they want to go live with "dad", when you know that he is totally unable or unwilling to care for them as you do. I am thankful that my ex so far has not tried to get custody.

    I wish you the best of luck in your battle. But it doesn't sound like he has much of a case anyway, just wants to cause you trouble.
  12. by   ptnurse
    Badbird, a 14 yo complaining that you pay too much attention to her and you should be more normal and not care is the greatest compliment your kids can give you. Roughly translated into english she is saying "Thank you and I love you too." Her 14 yo state of mind just won't let her actually say it out loud. I too have a friend that let her child go live with dad. Took about 2 seconds for her to come home.
  13. by   emily_mom
    And if she doesn't want to come home, he will probably send her! She is at that stage where she hates everyone. She just hasn't seen her father enough to hate him. But she will. The grass isn't always greener at Dad's house. He's obviously not used to having kids around, and I'm sure that would clash with his bachelor ways. He is just using her as a pawn and would have used your son too had he still been paying child support for him when that happened. You should sue him for all the medical bills he never paid on.

  14. by   Aussienurse2
    I have decided that kids just say these kinds of things to see how we will react. This too shall pass.
    I think that men just suck. There is no inbetween, they run out of things to hurt us with and then they start on the kids. They don't look into the future because they live for today alone. Am having a bit of a bad time myself at the moment, my head knows not all men are bad news, but my soul is a pit of searing purelent hatred, but...this too shall pass.....if I have to hit it on the head with a slegde hammer a few times myself!!! Sending you some patience, wont be needing it for a while! LOL!!