Ever wanted to kill a doctor.....well, I do!!!!!

  1. I posted a thread not long ago asking for input on your insights as to what could be going on with my daughter's health. All the symptoms of pregnancy but 5 EPT's said neg, as did the one at the doctors office. So her wonderfully compassionate doctor says, well, we'll run a blood pregnancy test, check your thyriod and I'm not certain if anything else was checked, oh yea, hormone levels. So my SOL speaks up and says, well, what if none of these show anything, then what? Her answer......"Well, then we'll do a C-scan, as there is a certain type of brain tumor a woman can get that can cause all her symptoms. Can we say, over reacting!!!!! Nothing so gentle, as, "Well, then we'll just keep looking till we figure it out." Well, she is not pregnant, although she is having to milk her breast daily due to all the secretions, thyroid normal and hormones just a little elevated. So now you know where this is leading. No amount of talking can convince her she doesn't have a brain tumor. My SOL nearly had to 911 her out the other night, she woke up in such a severe panick attack, she said it felt like her throat was closing up and in the same time she was vomiting violently. She is terrified. Sorry, I just had to vent. Seeing her cry to the point where her eyes are swollen shut and I cannot even understand what she is trying to tell me on the phone is killing me. I'm at my wits end, nerves are shot and I am out of ideas. Duckie


    Edited to remove my judgemental attitude! Sorry, I was out of line
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  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   jemb
    Is this doctor an internist, OB-gyn, other specialist? Is she iin a position insurance-wise that she cannot self refer, or get a 2nd opinion without a referral? If so, I would strongly suggest that she get on the phone with the insurance co/hmo, explain the circumstances, and request a referral.

    If that is going to take along time to get underway, I think she should press the current doctor, even if she is a nutcase (the dr, not your daughter), to order the scan asap! Your daughter will have no peace of mind until this is done. She can get a referral afterwards to somone else.


    (((((Hugs))))) to all of you.
  4. by   H ynnoD
    My wife has had a problem with one of her Knees,going on 4 years now.We had Kaiser for 2 of those years.She had one doctor that she seen all the time.He was going step by step all the tests,coming up nothing.One day I went to get a physical and got Her doctor.He started talking to me about my wife and told me the next step was to go inside her Knee and have a look around.I told her about what he said,so my wife called him to find out when.He told her he never said anything like that,without using the word liar.Only thing I like about Kaiser When you go up the ladder in one day filing a complaint with everyone, they actually do something about it.From what he told my wife he got chewed out pretty good and did'nt understand why I would do this to him.We left Kaiser and got Blue Cross,now two surgeries and a ton of tests later,all they can come up with is she has Chronic Pain .They even have a fancy medical name for it,can't remember what at the moment and she isn't here.Yea I've also wanted to kill a few doctors along the way!
  5. by   Tweety
    Sorry your daughter is having such anxiety attacks. Sounds like she's not coping well.

    Sorry, this is not a flame. But if they didn't want an honest answer, they never should have asked the question....what if this is all negative.

    Personally, if I had asked that question, I would have expected an honest answer. Let me know what I might be up against, what you are looking for, what you are thinking. If your thinking brain tumor. Tell me! That's my attitude. Again, please don't think I'm flaming, I'm talking about me.

    Sounds like it's your daughter who is the one over-reacting. Many people have tests for tumors and cancer. My mom is awaiting a breast biopsy. I had to growth under my tongue I had to wait for results to see if it was cancerous.

    I'm not in your shoes, I can't judge. I've never been told there's a possibility I might have a brain tumor. (I have worked neuro with brain tumor patients however). So I can't tell you how I would act, nor how I would act if it were my child.

    Hugs to you. Take care.
  6. by   passing thru
    I've had similar experiences with doctors.

    Your daughter's doctor is probably fairly new & coming from the teaching hospital envoironment ;
    they do tend to answer questions with brutal honesty.
    Especially when a question is asked.

    Most more experienced doctors have learned to
    answer only the questions THE PATIENT asks.

    What have I done in the past? What worked for me?
    After I calm down a bit, and digest what has taken place so
    far re: diagnoses, tests, and outcomes...................
    Even though I didn't want to at the time,
    I hung with the doctor.
    Went back, "okay, I'm not pregnant,
    what's the next step?"
    I allowed the doctor to be in charge of my health and do what she saw as the next step.

    On every occasion, I ultimately wound up liking the doctor, and
    was able to see that the doctor had my best interest at heart.
    And I was thoroughly taken care of.

    I like new doctors. They may not have the perfect bedside manner yet, but they check EVERYTHING, and communicate
    openly and honestly with me.

    I too, have experienced a lot of angst hearing the "well, it could be ______________, or it could be _____________. !!!

    I know what you all are experiencing.

    I would not seek a new doctor at this time.
    I'd make a new appointment, tell the appointment nurse why I need one "soon."

    I'd tell the doctor when I saw her that I've been thinking about what she said, and am really scared and worried.
    I'm sure your daughter will receive support at that time.
    Give the doctor a chance .......is my advice.
    Going to another doctor at this point is complicating. This one is on the right track.

    One doc I went to........... five diferent visits,...every time I sat in her office, I asked myself : "WHY did you come back here, you know you don't like anything about this doc.!"

    She eventually proved to be the best doctor I ever had.

    I had a similar experience with a male doctor.

    I'd forget the docs' spouses problems.
    That's a personal issue that the doc and spouse have to
    live with, and doesn't affect the doctors' abilities.

    The particular type of tumor the doctor related to is fairly common, is not a malignant brain tumor, and is curable.
    Check with your obstetrics nurses.

    Help your daughter learn to cope with this crisis. Crucifying the doc and doc's spouse won't help.
    When your daughter learns how to weather this crisis, she will have a roadmap, a paradigm to follow for future crisis, if they might arise. I wish you all the best.

    Good luck.
  7. by   warrior woman
    Tell your daughter to get a second opinion from another doc, in order to get to the bottom of this problem. Sounds like her doc isn't a big believer in therapeutic communication. Have her see someone else pronto!!! You're both in my prayers. WW
  8. by   jnette
    Yep, Duckers, a second opinion certainly wouldn't hurt. Hang in there, although I know how difficult that is when it's YOUR daughter ! Believe me, I know.
  9. by   Shamrock
    I think Passing is giving good advice.. Have they checked your
    daughter's prolactin level?? Is she on any meds. that might
    cause the breast secretions? Lots of things to consider.. Hope
    everything turns out well and keep us posted.
  10. by   SmilingBluEyes
    i would want to see an endocrinologist pronto, if not done already. this screams of endocrine....not necessarily tumor. but that is only my HO.
  11. by   duckie
    She has an appt. on Tuesday and I have a couple of things you said I will tell my SIL about, as my daughter is too upset right now to think straight. My daughter will be having the scan next week, at least that will hopefully put her mind at rest. I'm writing all your advice and words of wisdom down and am going to call SIL and tell him what you all have said. I thank you all. If this were something to do with the elderly, I would feel so much more able to give her advice but jeepers, I haven't handled this stuff since nursing school, 22 years ago! Thanks everyone, as always, you are great. If you think of anything else, please let me know. Duckie P.S.---- 3rdshiftguy, I'm not angry at her doctor for what she said, only the heartless manner she said it. A much better response would have been, "There's a lot of things this could be, we'll just keep looking till we find it." You just don't go from "Well, it could be your thyroid or hey, you could have a brain tumor." Great bedside manner this one has.


    Also edited for lossing my professional point of view and having a bad attitude. Again, sorry
  12. by   BadBird
    I agree with seeking a second opinion, I certainly hope your daughter is ok. I am a little concerned with your drug accusations aimed at her doctors husband, I don't think mud slinging is appropriate here, if you and your daughter don't like the doctor then by all means find another. You are spectulating that the doctor is a druggie too and that could get you in a lot of trouble for slander.
  13. by   passing thru
    Shows how bright I am, you'd think I'd put 2 and 2 together and figure out she was going to an OB doc.

    Anyhoo, the fairly common tumor that causes those symptoms is the pituitary tumor. I have taken care of lots of them post -op.

    The doc actually answered the question.
    With brutal honesty. Too bad the patient didn't ask it and wasn't prepared for the response.

    Either you're pregnant or it could be a "type of" brain tumor.
    "type of" being key words here.
    That is a correct and honest answer.

    You're right, the doc should have softened it.
    Was your daughter in the room when the doc said that??
    Or did the spouse relay it later?

    She needs help getting a handle on this.
    The doc , naturally, needs to run many tests to get a definitive
    diagnosis.

    If it is a pituitary tumor, and if they operate, they go thru the mouth and sinuses....a fairly simple operation.
    I've never seen any complications.

    Good luck.
    P.S. She will be referred to another doctor soon....especially if it is a pituitary tumor....
    OB-GYN's don't operate on that end.
  14. by   nimbex
    we all watch families through crisis as they await test results, they're pushy, anxious and hard to calm......

    sound familiar.... your whole family is in STRESS and rightfully so. Talk to her about the possibilities, coping with stress and second opinions prior to determining treatment, once she knows what lies ahead, it may not seem so fearfull to her.

    Keep her daily activities as normal as possible so she can be a "normal" kid for much of the day.

    If the family is focused on her sickness, how can she not become overwhelmed with it??

    Keep her busy, informed and listened to, is my best nurse advice.

    as a mom, I say hug her forever and reassure her that no matter what, you'll be there together.

    to me that's what matters.

    hope it helps, thinking of you

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