Eating Tips for The Holidays

  1. Eating Tips for The Holidays

    1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

    2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

    3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

    4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

    5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???

    6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

    7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

    8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

    9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

    10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips: Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
  2. 26 Comments

  3. by   sirI
    hahahahahahahaha..........Excellent, Don.

    I totally agree with all of it except #9. I'm weird. I LOVE fruitcake.
  4. by   RGN1
    Yeah me too!! Lets hear it for the fruit cake - mine's marinating in brandy already - every year I pretty much manage to get it to soak up a whole bottle (small size though!!) it's very popular in our house - can't think why - oh & I put brandy in the marzipan - well how else can you make it palatable??

    Also my daughter wants to say a little something for carrot sticks - she doesn't like any cooked veg (she's 6) but will eat some of them raw - so she will be having carrot sticks with her Xmas dinner!!
  5. by   Spidey's mom
    I've had good fruitcake . . . it didn't have as much of the "fruit" in it and was mostly cake and nuts and alcohol . . . .

  6. by   bethin
    Quote from stevielynn
    I've had good fruitcake . . . it didn't have as much of the "fruit" in it and was mostly cake and nuts and alcohol . . . .

    My rule for holiday eating: no desserts with fruit. I'll get enough of that when I'm trying to fit in my bikini in March. Why ruin perfectly good chocolate with something healthy like fruit? Takes all the fun out of it.
  7. by   mercyteapot
    I don't like fruitcake, so I'll just have me a few extra of those Santa shaped frosted cookies. Oh, and can I get 3 pieces of pie each time I visit the buffet, then?
  8. by   dianah
    Ooooooooo, Don, this was GREAT!! Thanks for all the heartfelt advice!!
  9. by   weetziebat
    Oh, Don - I love it! You're a person after my own heart. If you have a Christmas party, I've drive all the way cross country to attend.....
  10. by   BSNtobe2009
    My mother used to make these little fruit-spiced cookies. The cookie mixture was delicious, but she always put green and red cherries, dates, raisins and pecans in them.

    You should have seen me as a kid going through the cookies trying to pick all that stuff out except for the nuts and the cookie.
  11. by   leslie :-D
    well, here's a little peek into my concrete thinking:

    i thought we were eating (steak) tips for the holidays and i immediately went "mmmmmmmmmmmmm, steak tips".

    i take the fruitcake bowling with me.

  12. by   SmilingBluEyes
    THIS is great! Thanks don.
  13. by   live4today
    hi don! too funny! loved them all.

    siri - i luv fresh baked fruitcake!
  14. by   sirI
    I'll tell ya, Cheer, my momma could make a fruitcake that would make you want to slap not only your mamma, but your daddy, too. Heck, your whole family.

    I never learned how. Takes way too much time and effort and I'd end up eating it anyway.