It seems like every day at work some one finds something to yell at me about even though I am trying my best.
Yesterday was one of the worst with that. I called in sick the day before because my ulcer was making me vomit. I couldnt sleep the night before too well because it hurt so bad, but I thought it would be better in the morning. I woke up at 1 that afternoon vomiting, and in pain. I called in sick to work because I knew I wouldn't be able to function. Yesterday I came in and one of the nurses said "You called in too close to your shift, and your sick time should have been denied!" And I explained what the situation was, then she said, "They still should have made you come in."
I have seen people answer the phone to call in's 5 minutes before the shift , and they were accepted!!!
Later that day I was asked if I could do 5 hours overtime on my day off for anytime on the day that hours were needed. Since the option was "anytime" I said that I would come in on night shift to cover the hours. I enjoy nights, so I don't mind at all. Anyways, one of the aides (who is infact a friend of mine) sort of conned me into doing the hours on evening shift, the shift that I work nearly every day, and I hate that shift.
Also I am getting so burned out. I have explained that to many people that I really need some time off. I asked for 3 days off in conjunction with my offdays at any time of the month for this month. but ofcourse after the schedual came out, I didn't get the time off. "Well. you were supposed to give specific days you want off." So I applied for 10 days, the 5th-15th of August off. THEN There was a nightshift to be covered for 2 weeks at that time, so I was approached about that. Then it was said that I could have 10 days off at the end of the month. Now its, "Mandi, I don't know if I can give you your vacation now, were shirt handed."
Then I was venting about it with some co-workers, and they said, "But you've only been here for a year, you don't need time off that bad."
I am constantly getting guilt trips, left and right. ot from everyone, but most people! I am getting fed up with this. I'm tired of being a pushover, and everytime I try to stand up for myself, I get my butt chewed about it. I've been trying harder and harder, and the other day I found out that it had been said that I have an attitude problem, and low self esteem. I do not have an attitude problem, and YES I have low self esteem because I am the constant pushover! That couldnt possibly make me feel good about myself!
Thanks for letting me vent.
Jul 21, '03
Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. You really need to learn to say no, no to overtime, no to evening shift if you said you'd work nights, you have to stick up for yourself or you will get people who will walk all over you. You have to take care of yourself!
Jul 21, '03
Reread your post.
Get a sheet of paper and list what you are feeling. Nearly every sentence is "seems to" or "supposed to" or you explained or felt guilty, or got conned....
You need to analyze every word in this post.
You are young and inexperienced and trying to please everybody.
You are going to have a rough time out in the cold cruel world until you learn to assume control.
When the nurse said you called in too late & your SICK TIME SHOULD HAVE BEEN denied.
You should not have explained to her. It's none of her business.
You should have just shrugged & kept walking.
Life lesson # 1: When someone ALREADY has an opinion formed of you.................... no amount of explaining, humbling yourself, apologizing will ever make them change their opinion.
I woulda replied, "You're right." and smiled real big and kept walking,................get out of her range.....she is shooting you down.
Don't stand around and "Let" someone critisize you.
Give them a cold stare, and go find some linens to restock rooms or something.
And, stop gossiping and telling everything to your co-workers.
Keep your lips zipped and keep your info to yourself. None of this ""she said............"
No one 'SORT OF CONNED' you into anything. You did not /failed to assume responsibility.
Then, you changed from the night shift you wanted and had...for the five hours on evenings ...and then complained about it. !!!
I think you are driving your co-workers nuts and crazy with your wishy-washiness.
Stop venting to co-workers. When you whine to them, you are actually saying, "whine -whine- whine-" and then each of them
gives you an opinion on whats WRONG with you.
And, then you feel bad.
You are standing there saying....."beat me up verbally."
You are asking for it....begging for it.
You're not a push-over.
You're asking to be pushed around. You're seeking criticism.
Again, analyze your post and ask yourself , WHY did I do that?
At the end of every sentence- - - ask yourself, "why did I do that?? Why did I vent to them? Why did I tell them how I feel?
Why did I complain to them?
You are going to be the most miserable and mistreated person in your city until you learn these co-workers are NOT your friends.
You vent away from work.
Go do your job. Stop asking for a different shift....don't call in...go to the dr...take your ulcer medicine....don't switch hours or shifts with anyone.
The # 1 rule you need to make today is:
"From now on, I am not working any shift but the shift I am scheduled for. I will not trade shifts with anyone."
And yes, you do tell your co-workers this....when they come to you and say, "hey, I want to go to my brother-in-laws' friends party next Thursday, will you switch shifts with me?"
Your reply is as above. Stop trying to be "Friends"
Stop trying to be liked. Stop seeking approval.
It's survival time.
Jul 21, '03
Mandi...it'll get better, it always seems like everything comes down on you at once.
As for time off, are you taking advantage of your days off, or are you always running errands and doing work around the house, etc. That could be a big reason you're tired at work.
I also don't think your self esteem should be of any concern to people at work, everyone has a weak point, some are just more noticable then others.
I wouldn't start glarring at anyone either, I would just quietly back away for awhile and stay to myself until everything blows over. Just try your best, that's all you can do.
Jul 21, '03
If I'm correct you are pretty young. Just graduated High School, No? You have much to learn. I can say this because I was a lot like you when I was your age.
I suffered from the disease to please too. I couldn't say "no" to anything, anyone, even though on the inside I was screaming that I didn't want to take that extra shift, I didn't want to switch with so and so, sure, I'll baby sit rather than do what I have been planning for the past month, etc. etc.
I had to be the nice girl, I had to be the perfect girl that would take care of everything and everyone even when I didn't want to, even when I needed time to take care of myself. I couldn't say no and dissappoint someone or let them down or make them feel bad.
It wasn't until a few short years ago when I got laid off from my first real job out of college that I changed. I realized that during my career I had said yes to everything, extra work, extra hours just to please everyone and it never did. It was never enough. I was never appreciated. All the extra work I accomplished and how nice I was to everyone didn't matter. I still got the axe anyway and never even got a thank you.
I quickly learned that you live your life for yourself, not anyone else. What matters is that you are happy, not them. They'll find their own happiness. If you really don't want to do something, don't do it.
It is a hard habit to break, I know, but hopefully you can start saying "No" now, before you waste a lot of time and energy on things that don't matter.
Years ago Oprah covered "The Disease to Please". If you look it up on the internet you will probably find some helpful information about how to change your behavior. Don't wait til you get so absolutely sick of saying yes all the time that you just flip your lid. Make a change now.
And do what passing thru says. Start making little rules for yourself and don't break them, no matter what. That's a good start. Another good rule to start with is, "no matter who asks me what, it's none of their business." It's no one's business why you called of sick, or why you can't work another shift or day shift or evening shift.
Take care and good luck, make a change now because once you become an RN it won't get any easier.
Jul 21, '03
Colleen, excellent post. Mandi hang in there and take the advice offered you here. It will get better. And so will you.
Jul 21, '03
The more you do for people, the more they expect you to do without ever saying thank you, without ever being appreciated. I learned the hard way too. Saying ''no'' isn't that hard to do. Once you let them know you're not a pushover, they'll start treating you like a real person. You're not there to be popular with the staff, and saying "yes" to everything won't get you there either, it'll only make you look like a kid who is willing to do anything to be accepted. I'll guarantee once you say no to them, they'll realize that you're not their door mat.
The next time someone "yells" at you, just tell them in a calm voice that their behavior is inappropriate and you're not a child. Ask them to speak to you in a normal tone of voice. The first time is a killer, but after that it's real easy to do. You are #1, not them.
Jul 21, '03
So many good replies....as your confidence grows you will find your challenges and solutions to these problems will begin to fall in place. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to be human......and just grow one step at a time/////one day at a time. You will work through this and be all the wiser in the end
Jul 22, '03
Every single post here has good advice!
Well, I got through my overtime today. It was rather pleasant actually. I agree that I was born with the disease to please. I have been like that since I was little. I always wanted (and still do!) for people to like me. It is definantly something I need to overcome. The disease to please kicked in again tonight at work (before reading these posts) " I agreed to come back at 2 am until 7 am because some one called in sick. *sigh* oh well, at least its night shift.
That's correct about why I am often tired at work. I do housework on my offdays. Not tomorrow though. I'm going out to have some fun with friends, and forget all about work!!!
Thank you so much everyone. It's really good advice, and it's helping me.
Jul 22, '03
Mandi some great advice here. Everyone deserves a vacation and you do to. Demand it. Take it. Enjoy it. No guilt trips!
Jul 22, '03
Wow, great advice, everyone. PT, that's probably the best post I've ever read from you. Very well said. The only thing I can add is that you must remember to take of yourself, or you won't be able to take care of anyone else.
And your self-esteem is YOUR responsibility, not anyone else's. Don't look for anyone else to boost it by thanking you for being so accomodating.
Jul 22, '03
Mandi darling. You have heard this before:
You are only young once.
It bears repeating again and again. Please, live while you are young.Have some fun---like the Sheryl Crow songs say. You need to enjoy yourself more and worry less what others think or what their agenda is.
Go out and play in the sun today and just relax. Be young and have fun while you can. You got a LOT of working years ahead of ya, chickie. Take care.
Jul 22, '03
Sounds to me like everyone at work is calling in and taking the position, "It'll be okay. Just ask Mandy to cover for me , she will do it, just butter her up, flatter her, ask her in a real desperate way, and she will do it. !!"
Time to say, No ....Never again! I have PLANS !
Here is how you do it. Go to work prepared >>>> having already "Played it Out" in your head.
Have your excuse's ready. When they say they want you to work whatever hours or shift.....when they beg, plead, flatter you, etc.
Be prepared to play "your own game."
Smile so sweet and say....""YOU KNOW I would if I could. But I have already made plans AROUND MY SCHEDULE. ""
"I have a family event I am participating in. THERE'S NO WAY I CAN WORK.""
Memorize these words.
THEN, leave the area....go turn somebody...or check a temperature...don't hang around and discuss it. They will try to manipulate you and get you to change your mind.
You will have to teach your co-workers that your no means NO !
Don't say that you didn't mind as in your above post.
You must learn some consistency.
Some one went out & partied hardy, called in and you covered for them from 2 a.m. til..............
WHY? so, remember , it is your fault they all think they can get you to work for them at any time and then not even show you any respect for it.
So, it is your responsibility and duty to re-teach them. And, it will only work by you maintaining consistency. NO! NO! NO !
This means you cannot come back on here a month from now & complain about the same problems at work .....
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