Doctors Notes

  1. Subject: Fw: Doctor's Notes:

    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
    to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
    rushedout to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began
    to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
    there were several cabs -- I was in the wrong one.

    Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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    At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
    on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
    anterio chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they
    used to be," remorsed the patient.
    Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
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    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
    told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
    myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
    later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
    that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
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    Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
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    I was performing a complete physical, including the
    visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty
    feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye
    with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
    your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
    requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read
    the large E on the top line. I turned and
    discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
    with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
    Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
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    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
    with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that
    he was having trouble with one of his medications.
    "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put
    on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out
    of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
    discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the
    man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
    instructions include removal of the old patch
    before applying a new one.
    Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
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    While acquainting myself with a new elderly
    patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
    look of complete confusion she answered... "Why,
    not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
    Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
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    I was caring for a woman from Kentuckyand asked,
    "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very
    good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
    used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
    asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
    packet labeled "KY Jelly."
    Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
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    A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a
    young woman with purple hair styled into a punk
    rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
    strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
    that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
    scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
    completely disrobed on the operating table, the
    staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green,
    and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off
    the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note
    on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
    and Finally . . .
    A new, young MD doing his residency in OBwas quite
    embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To
    cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a
    habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom
    he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
    laughing and further embarrassed him.
    He looked up from his work and sheepishly said,
    "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
    She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
    whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer
    Wiener'." -- Dr. wouldn't admit his name
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  2. 1 Comments

  3. by   SmilingBluEyes
    THESE ARE GREAT!! thank you!