Divorce after only 3 months?

  1. I'm hoping some of you can pass some advice along to me. I am newly married...3 months actually. Now, for the past month everything my husband does seriously bothers me....I just cannot take it anymore. I am 90% unhappy, and I have no idea what to do.
    To give you an idea of things.... I cannot eat with him anymore because he has started chewing with his mouth open(that drives me nuts because it is so rude)...its a fight to get him to clean or to watch the kids...he gets upset when I talk about going back to school...he thinks that I am "making it up" when I tell him that his mom and sister are talking about me behind my back...he just does things to annoy me(tonight at dinner he was scraping his fork on his empty plate, I asked him to stop he kept doing it, I asked him again to stop, and he kept doing it, then he got mad at me for leaving the table!)...I could keep going!

    These things may be petty to some, but I am seriously going nuts. I am actually considering leaving with the kids. I've had it.
    Counselling will not work because he thinks that there is no problem. No use in talking with our family members either...he hates my family, I hate his!

    What the heck am I supposed to do? Am I seriously supposed to live with this for my entire life?

    Please, offer me some advice. I'm at the end of my rope, and need some help before I do file for divorce.

  2. 21 Comments

  3. by   Rustyhammer
    Awww...we ALL go through periods like that. There have been times when she drives me nuts!
    But then again there are times when I'm sure I do the same.
    A couple can never ALWAYS be on the same wavelength.
    Look for the good. It's there. And TALK to him!
    Men are mostly clueless when it comes to women.

    ps: sometimes I irritate her on purpose (she is so cute when she's PO'd).
  4. by   Rapheal
    You have kids, a new husband. Very stressful transition period. Since you asked for advice -here goes. Try to not let him drive you crazy. Step back and kind of move back from the picture. Concentrate on yourself and the kids and do take time out for yourself.

    Just give yourself a break from dealing with him. Try not to ruminate on his faults. When your batteries are recharged-take a look at your situation and marriage again. I think at this time you might be stressed from your new marriage, and maybe some unrealistic or unrealized expectations for your new hubby and blended family. After things cool down, sit down and talk about your need to go back to school and how you are counting on him for support.

    Hope things get better soon. (((hugs)))))
  5. by   CountrifiedRN
    If it's any consolation, I feel the same way sometimes. Well, ok, a lot! But like Rusty said, everyone goes through periods like that. There had to be good things that attracted you to him. Did he change after you got married?

    Even if he won't go to counseling, you can still go on your own. It would probably do you some good to vent and maybe get some professional advice on what you can do to resolve some of those issues.

    In the meantime try to do something nice for yourself. Get a manicure, or pedicure, or a massage. De-stress a little, and get away from your house for a while.
  6. by   oramar
    Why don't you try discussing this with a professional?
  7. by   FutureNurse2005
    Thanks for the replies.
    He has changed so much since we had the kids...and I know I have as well. However, his attitude now is "we are married, I dont need to impress you anymore"....ummmm yes honey you still need to!! It just makes me crazy when he wont dress up to go out either! He takes no pride in his appearance! I still need to hear the "I love you" and I still need those little romantic things he used to do.

    I have tried talking to him about all of this...and he just brushes it off. He gets mad at me! He tries to make me feel bad for having my own feelings. And Why does he irritate me on purpose?? I just dont understand that!

    I am glad to hear though that other people go through this! I suppose then this too shall pass! In the meantime, I'm going to go get a massage and do some more school work!

    Thanks again...heres hoping that today is a better day!
  8. by   Tilleycs
    I hope things get better for you, but I hope you remember that this IS just a message board. All we get is YOUR side of the story, and there's very little we can do. I agree, it may help to talk to someone in your area.
  9. by   passing thru
    I think professional counseling for you is a great idea.

    My first advice: ''''' NEVER -NEVER - NEVER- NEVER - NEVER -NEVER

    begin a sentence with """"YOUR MOTHER""" ___________."

    That is instigating/provoking an argument and it's nagging, and whining.
    In communicating with him, all sentences that start with YOUR MOTHER, YOUR SISTER " are instant turn-offs to all men. He tunes you out at that point.
    It isn't communication at all, it is nagging, criticizing, and whining.

    Who wants to hear that?
    What do YOU really expect him to do???????????
    You sound insecure and sound like you need a lot of reassurance.......

    And you have to pick your arguments.....what is really important...what will matter 10 years from now?
    Eating with his mouth open....hard to realize you never noticed this before, or to believe he never did it til after marriage....
    And scraping his plate???

    I think you are going to have a hard time integrating the guy you actually married with your perception of the guy you WANTED to marry.

    He is probably looking forward to being '" cut loose"' too.
  10. by   RRMLPN
    I'm sorry your having such a hard time and i hope it gets better. Being newly married with kids, school and all the other little everyday stressors can sure build into something really big, maybe he is acting out because of a little resentment on his part??? and maybe a little on your end too? just a shot in the dark there... we are here for you when you need to vent
  11. by   nowplayingEDRN
    First let me offer you a BIG (((HUG)))......second let me tell you that everyone goes though these periods in their marraige (you already heard that one, right?? )....in 18 years I have found it much easier to talk to my husband when the kids are sleeping and there is no distraction (never try to talk when sports or NASCAR is on...you already lost and never had a chance)....and the talking always works best when you are kind of snuggled up along side him......less threatening that way and although I do not agree with all that passingthru said, passing is right in saying make your husband feel threatened andhe will tune you right out.

    When I went to nursing school, hubby thought it was great....and then I got into school and needed time to study and had clinicals and other obligations that went with school.....and then he dug his heels in (so it seemed)...no support with the kids when it was study time or clinical day......no help around the house....no nothing......study groups got all but impossible as i would have to take my kids with me and the others started making the group kid free ( guess i never tried to make them understand), clinicals had to be very close to home (I had a n ursing instructor try to encourage me to drop out, said I did not have the commitment to the profession)....but I kept plugging along......he would never admit it and to this day won't but I know that when I went to school he felt threatened...when I graduated he felt even more threatened, because he knew that it was the begining of independance.....that i would be able and can stand on my own 2 feet and take care of myself and the kids and him too if necessary....and that is an assault to the male ego (a fragile flower that male ego).....now he is looking for work, I gave him the boost and support to go back to school and he has and graduated and is looking for work now...and his morale is beter but I have learned that in 18 years....somethings just aren't worth getting steamed over....my house has a permenant lived in look.....clean but cluttered...lol(it wan't worth nagging and fighting to get him to help clean)and there are a thousand other little habits from channel surfing to avoid commercials to not rinsing the sink out when he rinses with mouth wash to picking up his socks to having to eat bread and butter with every meal rather than veggies.....he sometimes still needs to be reminded that I need to hear I love you or some of the other little romantic things he used to do.....and I still have to badger him to dress up now and again (with age comes the desire to dress up.....lol lol) but when I look deep inside, I still see the same caring, devoted man that i married...and i would encourage you to talk to a professional, as others have said.

    Keep your chin up and feel free to pm or email me if you want a willing shoulder to cry on or vent. I empathize and support you, Future!

  12. by   NurseDennie
    My hubby went through a period like that right after we were married. Of course, we didn't have any kids, so there wasn't even that pressure on him. I tried treating him like he treated me, and things got worse. So I just treated him nicely and after a while he just kind of snapped out of it. (we're married 30 years now LOL and he's really shaped up in the last 10 months) .

    Now, he says he knew what he was doing and couldn't tell me WHY and he couldn't NOT do it. We're still married because I'm extremely stubborn and bloody-minded.


  13. by   AmyLiz
    I hope things get better for you soon. I couldn't stand my husband for about a year and a half after we got married. Things are much better now! You get through it...it's one of those very common occurances that no one tells you about before you get married.
  14. by   passing thru
    LOL...not rinsing the sink after he spits out the mouthwash...ha ha...sounds too familiar.........the critters (husbands) have some of the AWFULEST / DISGUSTINGEST habits....

    Nurse Dennie, so odd you would say 30years/10 months. LOL

    I was visiting with one of my cousins yesterday, and she just "looks like" a woman who has had a hard life. She said she and her husband had been married 30 years....She said, "most
    people in the family don't know how hard I've had it with Bill. He's drank, beat me, run around on me, gambled both his money and mine away, etc.etc."
    I asked her, "Has he gotten any better with age??????????"

    She said, "yes, in the last 3 years he has gotten a lot better.
    But,....... he had a triple by-pass operation 3 years ago, I had to rush him to the emergency room."
    "And since then , he has had 3 TIA's."

    (No comment from me,.........I wanted to ask, "WHY did you rush
    him to the emergency room?")