1. Hi

    Well, I don't quite know what to say.
    After 33 3/4 years of being married, DH suddenly pops up today & says he wants a divorce! He sort of hinted at it last week & I must say I really didn't take him seriously. STUPID ME!! He came right out with it today as we argued about taking the decos down.
    Again, I wasn't doing it right! There is only ONE right way--his way!! LATELY!! He was never like this before.

    His whole personality changed 6 yrs ago after an open heart. He admits that & says he likes the NEW HIM!! He has become so over bearing & nasty since that OR!! He was always MR. NICE GUY!! Now he even says--NO MORE MR NICE GUY!!
    This is when the arguing started.

    Well, today there was THIS announcement.
    I really don't know what to do--I think I'm in shock right now.
    I have NO ONE to talk to about this. He's always been my best friend. We were everything to each othe--especially the last few years when I needed lots of physical help.
    Now, I'm better, but not great.
    Yes, I do work 72 hr/pay Period, but that's realy about all, altho, in the last few months, I have been able to do more.
    He has been Retired since about 9 months before his Open Heart.

    I don't know; I don't know what to do or what I will do.
    I told him that I'll sleep in the living room on my nites off until he finds a place. I just think that at least tonite, I can't be near him. Can't or simply don't want to be near him .

    One of the first things I need to buy--& there i slittle money for it, is a car.
    We got rid of the 2nd car a couple of years ago---I should NEVER have agreed to that.

    On top of everything, I hurt my back taking the decorations down.
    When it rains it pours!!

    Thanks for listening

    Mary Ann
  2. 55 Comments

  3. by   Spidey's mom
    Oh my goodness Mary Ann - I'm so sorry. What a shock.

    This morning in church I felt moved to ask for prayer for marriages in trouble for some reason.

    I think he should sleep on the couch though my dear - you should get the bed.

    Hugs being sent to you right now. ((((Mary Ann)))))

  4. by   bethin
    O My Gosh!! I'm so sorry Mary Ann.

    HE dropped the bomb, HE should be sleeping on the couch. YOU take the one car. He's retired - he doesn't need to go anywhere, except to find another place.

    Has he hinted - is this going to be an amicable divorce or a tough one?

    For your sake, I hope this goes smoothly.

    Mary Ann, I'm so sorry. Know that we all will be thinking about you.
  5. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I am so very sorry. What horrible news....I feel for you. I wish I had some wisdom for you. I just don't. But my thoughts are with you, Mary Ann.
  6. by   bethin
    Go to the bank in the am and get the cash divided and open an account that only you can access. Let the bank know you are going through a divorce and you do not want your husband near your money.

    I say that because I don't know what he's going to do. If he has a heart, he would have said "Mary Ann, this isn't working for me. Can we try therapy?" And if he has a heart, he would agree to split everything 50%.

    I had a co worker whose husband dropped a bomb like this - on their 25th wedding anniversary and at a fancy restraunt. No hints, just left her. Had to leave town because he was seeing another woman and she was making it hard for my co worker. Two years later, she got married and she says now she knows what love is. She also loves her step children and step grandkids who call her gramma.

    I'm attempting to be positive and I'm doing a lousy job. Sorry, I will be praying for you as you go through this. Every step of the way, I'll be here. :spin:
  7. by   Katnip
    I'm so sorry, Mary Ann. ((((Mary Ann)))

    I agree he should be sleeping on the couch.
  8. by   Roy Fokker
    Oh how horrible!

    I'm so sorry Mary Ann :icon_hug:
  9. by   TazziRN
    I'm so sorry, Mary Ann. I agree that you need to divide the assets immediately. I trusted my ex to be fair and he stole so much that in the end there was pocket change to split. You also need to file for legal separation, or you will still be responsible for each other regarding insurance, bills, etc.

    As for you, hie thee to a counselor asap. In the absence of friends, this will be the best decision you can make for yourself.
  10. by   suzy253
    Mary Ann--I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this.
    Hugzzz to you.
  11. by   Seven, RN2b
    MaryAnn -

    I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I went through a divorce about 8 years ago. I had been married about 12 years. It is a very painful experience. My advice, although I'm not sure how valuable, would be to put your focus on caring for yourself. That means doing what is best for you, resting when you need it, not worrying about what other people think, what he wants, etc. I also suffer from depression - so the experience tested me emotionally as well. A book that was an easy read and very helpful to me was "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Melba Colgrove, PH.D., Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D., and Peter McWilliams. I would highly recommend it. And, although I'm sure it is too early for you to accept this (and I apologize if this is inappropriate to say at this point) - but, everything happens for a reason. I look back on my experience now and think, "Thank God"!


    P.S. Give him the couch!
  12. by   laughing weasel
    Protect yourself get a lawer now. divorces are never amicable.you do not need to start a war but protect yourself.Change your insurance ect. I agree with the bank account advice. also call and writ your credit card companies make sure that you take care of yourself without being vindictive if possible. I can only imagine how horrible you feel.I wish there was more that I could do or say.good luck and godspeed.
  13. by   dianah
    Mary Ann, I'm so sorry!! Do heed the advice of other posters who have been through this, so you aren't left with NOTHING. You must look out for YOU. Hugs, and you're in my prayers.
  14. by   Grace Oz
    I've only just read this! I'm in shock! Check your email Mary Ann, I'm writing to you personally there. Hang in there, hon. ((((Mary Ann)))))