discipline

  1. do you believe in spanking your children reasonably?
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  2. 47 Comments

  3. by   prmenrs
    Spanking serves a purpose: it shows the kid that if you're bigger and stronger, you can MAKE him/her do what you want. You can also scare him, fill him w/fear, and generally undo what you did in his 1st year by meeting his assorted needs so that he could learn trust vs mistrust. It is really counter-productive.

    Instead, put one hand on his shoulder, your face very close to his, and say in a quiet voice what you want and why. Use short words and sentences. If he's done something wrong, say something like, "I can't believe you did that!! I'm disappointed. What can we do to make this better?" I'm sad that you...(whatever). Time-outs should be 1 minute per year. Notice when he does better.

    If you're losing it yourself and there's no one to step in for you, give yourself a time out. Just walk away. Tell him that you feel very angry, and you need to take a time out to figure out how to deal w/what happened. Use a timer and tell him you'll be back in 5 minutes so he knows you're not leaving for good. I know, it might sound good to you just then...

    If it's a public tantrum, think basic needs: hunger, thirst, fatigue, cold, hot, wet. When you pick up an infant or toddler or preschooler from the sitter/daycare, they will be so relieved to see you, they may start crying just because they feel safe enough to do it now that you're there.

    Hope this helps!
  4. by   canoehead
    I think spanking is just the physical expression of "Because I said so." Both can be used to excess, and then again in some situations you need to have a child do as they are told whether they understand why or not, and whether they agree or not. For example running out into traffic- absolutely not allowed whether they understand, whether they think they are safe- it is not negotiable. Or screaming out during a formal ceremony- they need to stop, and the explanation can come later, but they need to stop. You get where I am coming from.
  5. by   CATHYW
    As a mother of 2 grown children, and grandmother of 7, I do believe in spanking-with a hand, on the child's bottom. A little fear is a good thing, I believe-not to scare the crap out of the child, but to remind him/her that there is someone who will give them an abrupt and somewhat painful reminder that when you don't follow the rules, consequences result. I do not believe that spankings should be first line. As others have said, I think talking calmly and to the age of the child is appropriate. If that doesn't work, sitting in a chair (without TV or books) aka time out, for a period of time is good. If there have been multiple attempts to correct a situation and it has not been remedied, then it is time to use spanking. I babysat for children who were not spanked, and their mother never raised her voice to those kids. They were both-girl and boy, absolute terrors. I watched how parents disciplined their children as I was growing up, and those that used a combination of disciplines seemed to get the best results. It worked well for my children, and seems to work for the grandchildren, as well. They all are happy, apparently well-adjusted and friendly adults and children.
  6. by   Q.
    I don't have any children, but I believe in spanking - as long as it is not some drawn out ritual (like pulling down the pants, placing over lap, etc) and I don't believe in using objects. My mom used to get whipped with a belt, although she turned out fine in the long run.

    I think a swift slap in the butt is used for shock value and to injure the child's pride a little bit. I think if used sparingly and properly, it can be very effective.
  7. by   KC CHICK
    I grew up on spankings and I turned out OK. (for the most part. )

    This is a very controversial issue. I can definately see both sides and have seen the results of inconsistency.....with whatever dicipline style was used. For example, I posted this on another thread w/a similar subject:

    "Anyway, it reminded me of a similar "scene" that I observed about 5 years ago in a local mall. A mother was standing in front of a cookie shop w/her two young boys. They looked to be about 4 and 6 y/o I think. The youngest of the two decided that he wanted a different cookie than what he had just ordered a minute before. When his "mother" was handing him this cookie, he said "No, I want a different one!". Mom said "This is the cookie you wanted, this is the one that you are getting". (Something to that effect....it's been awhile.). This child then decides to KICK mom in the leg. Any guesses as to what mom said then????

    "IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN, I'LL TAKE AWAY YOUR NINTENDO."
    That was it!!! Had it been me, the little bugger would NOT have gotten his cookie, would NOT have had Nintendo at home, and would NOT have been able to sit comfortably for a few hours.

    I wasn't too harsh, was I???? "

    I don't have any children yet, but will not hesitate to spank if the situation calls for it.
  8. by   fergus51
    I'm ok with spankings. I agree it's more about the shame a child feels when he got spanked because he did something wrong. I don't think it's to physically injure a child.
  9. by   cmggriff
    I also grew up on spankings. No one thought of it as abuse then. But I never hit my children. I learned the lesson of all physical punishment, the biggest gets their way. Don't spnak. You are the adult. Find some other way. Gary
  10. by   semstr
    NO NEVER!!!!

    I think spanking is very low life on children, it's the wrong way to show them they did something not the way it should be done.

    When I watch a parent, I don't care who it is, spanking his child, i go up to him/ her and ask them what they think they are doing.
    We have a law here, which makes it possible to go to the police if a child gets a spanking, because in a way it is child abuse.

    I think that is allright, when another grown-up hits me, I'll go to the police too. So a child, smaller and much more sensitiv as a grown-up towards injuries, can't do that?

    No spanking is wrong.

    Take care, Renee
  11. by   roachell
    When I watch a parent, I don't care who it is, spanking his child, i go up to him/ her and ask them what they think they are doing.
    Perhaps in Europe that might work but in the States, I would recommend that you not try to reprimand a parent while they are discipling their child. People here generally have a very hostile reaction to such things.

    My opinion on spanking:
    I started out with the no spanking rule but I have spanked my children when they have done something to endanger themselves, such as run into the street when told not to...
    Fortunately I have not been kicked as in KC CHICK's post or I might have to add that one to my list of reasons to spank.
    We will see what else I add as they grow older.
  12. by   KC CHICK
    No offense to anyone here, but, I've seen WAY too many BRATS come from homes that adhere to the "time out", and other non-spank rules.

    My fiance was a school resource deputy for a local high school before going to another department. It was AMAZING the way some parents gave dicipline, or lack thereof, to their children. My goodness, you'd think getting arrested for pot possession, or possession of a knife w/a 4" blade, would entitle a diciplinary action at home??? OHHHH, NO......it meant that mommy and/or daddy would hire a lawyer the next day to harrass the school administration or get them off the hook in court!!!

    Granted, these kids were no longer of spankable age, but how on earth did they get this way?? Did we as a country raise as many "spoiled brats" when spanking was LEGAL??
    Last edit by KC CHICK on Oct 17, '01
  13. by   thisnurse
    i think it all depends on the age of the child and previous attempts at discipline.
    im not talking about beating. im talking about spanking.
    if you are doing it to prevent similar behavior i think it can be useful. if you do it as a reaction it just teaches the child thats how to react.
    my fiance and i have this debate all the time. we wonder if our children would be more disciplined if we spanked them.
    we think back when we were children. we were both spanked. we did what we were told, which made us more responsible than some kids today. for the most part we didnt back talk and try to negotiate something for a prolonged period of time.

    with some kids that put your hand on their shoulder and talk to them sternly just doesnt work.
    how do you reason with a two year old?
    time out for a two year old? i dont think so.

    when my son turned 18 he decided he was adult enuff to tell me off. i had asked him to put the dishes in the dishwasher and he proceeded to tell me that he wasnt going to do it and that i was one f'ed up *****. i could kiss his ass and quite a few other nicities. i warned him three times to stop and he did not. finally i just picked up an areosol can and hit him over the head. he stopped.
    it wasnt that the can hurt him. i didnt hurt him. (he is by the way a foot taller than i am and it was a reach)
    it was the shock of it.
    there is just no way one of my children is going to talk to me like that. if the child does not respect the parent then how can you expect them to respect anyone else?
    i have a freind whos daughter beats her. she is definately one of the most "spoiled" brats i know. her mom didnt believe in spankings either. she always tried to talk it out. and the daughter was and is a master manipulator....she uses guilt to get what she wants from mom. (mom and dad are divorced) this kid is in jr high and mom buys her expensive dresses for dances, gets her hair and nails done for her and matching shoes, purse...you name it...the kid gets it.mom doesnt spend that kind of money on herself....she doesnt have it.
    but when the kid gets in trouble or wants to do something the mom doesnt want her to....the daughter starts smacking the mom around. ive recieved hysterical calls from mom asking for advice.
    my advice....beat her ass and STOP giving her everything she wants.
    i dont think grounding is going to work and talking surely doesnt.

    sometimes the drastic action of spanking is necessary for the childs own welfare.
  14. by   jayna
    Sometimes, but not too hard please!!!..it hurts!!! but good luck for those with big butts..
    i Grew up with spanking and sometimes i ran away from it......because it hurts!!!!.
    So when you wanted to spank your kids...do it lovely..please

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