Despicable-very long rant

  1. I was in an abusive relationship. My husband and I have been separated for over a year. We had a son together he is 4 years old. He has been the light of my life and I was very sure that my husband was treating him well. I thought he disliked my children because they were not his. I never thought he would do anything to my son. He is abusive to me, so why did I not see the signs? The last few weeks, my son has been saying, Mom I don't want to stay with Dad when you work anymore" When I asked why, he said, "because he is mean". nothing specific. But he seemed to love our son, and until recently, our son adored him...
    So Friday, I pulled up to the house and my husband was there waiting to drop off our son. He yelled at me because he had been waiting for 15 minutes. The last year has been hell, but I put up with it because he is out of my home, and I have peace at home. My son is very good to me, only occasionally acting out, but nothing like when the man was living with us. He has gotten quite a bit better with his outbursts, and I knew that separating was the best thing. But there were no signs that things were bad with my son. I spoke to my son every evening how did your day go, and he would say fine, I asked were you good for Dad, he said yes, I said was Dad good to you, he said yes...
    Then Friday night I took my son and oldest daughter to the mall for last minute shopping. My son needed to go pee, so we went to the ladies room and I took him in the stall. He looked at the toilet and said, "Mom, today Dad pushed my head in the toilet" I asked him why, and he said, "because I got pee on the seat and I did not want to clean it off." I said, "can you tell this to a Judge?" He said yes mom I will. I said you will never have to see Dad again if you don't want to and he said OK. I don't want to see him again.
    So this was friday night before christmas, I called the local police Saturday morning. He referred me to the police dept where my husband lives. I went there and filed a report. The day after christmas, I went to the courthouse, but it was closed. Yesterday, I went back and spent most of the day obtaining a PFA for my son. I found a wonderful daycare, (first one I called, it is reasonable, clean, and had openings) I felt the hand of God guiding me
    Next week, we go to court.
    Of course, my husband can only see that I did not let him see "his boy" for Christmas. He says I ruined his Christmas. Called me drunk Christmas day. Saved all messages. Now with the PFA, he cannot contact me.
    I thank God my son is now safe, that I have a good place to take him, and that angry, miserable man is now finally out of my life.
  2. 28 Comments

  3. by   clemmm78
    I'm so sorry. It's bad enough when it happens to us, but if someone hurts one of our kids, that's the worst.

    I hope that your son will not have long-lasting issues with this and, with your love and support, go on to be a wonderful young man.
  4. by   live4today
    Good for you for getting the court order to protect your son. I hope your estranged spouse gets into AA, and cleans up his act because his behavior will have a tremendous impact on the children as they grow into adulthood. Have you considered moving to another state to put distance between you and your estranged husband? If he behaves that way, I'd be concerned that he'd violate any court order you get just to get to you and the kids. Praying for your and your children's safety, and also for your estranged spouse to get the help it sounds like he needs. :icon_hug:
  5. by   TazziRN

    I was in an abusive marriage too. I thank God everyday I never had children with that man.
  6. by   jmgrn65
  7. by   leslie :-D
    thank God your son spoke up.
    it probably wouldn't hurt to bring him to a child psychologist, just to see if he's been traumatized by the abuse.
    wishing you and your family, love, faith and safety.

  8. by   Grace Oz
    Wishing you and the children a safe, harmonious, and happy future.
  9. by   muffie
    wishing a peaceful outcome to your family
    you are a wonderful mother
  10. by   donsterRN
    I probably shouldn't comment, but I'm so mad.

    I think any adult who would do that to a child should be shot. His having a ruined Christmas is the least of his problems. He should have to live the rest of his life looking over his shoulder.

    Sorry. It's the way I feel.
  11. by   bethin
    Don, I agree with you. This is a four year old boy. He shouldn't have to clean the pee off the seat, that's what parents are for. He is still at that age where you read them books at night, take them to the park to play, cuddle and watch a funny movie. There's still innocence in a four year old. Like to keep it that way for as long as possible.

    I was once in an abusive relationship but thankfully, no children. You are to be commended for getting out of that relationship with your children.

    Hope everything goes well and I'll be praying for you. (((((hugs)))))
  12. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from Don3218
    I probably shouldn't comment, but I'm so mad.

    I think any adult who would do that to a child should be shot. His having a ruined Christmas is the least of his problems. He should have to live the rest of his life looking over his shoulder.

    Sorry. It's the way I feel.
    It is the way I feel too . . . my heart just breaks for a child who has his head pushed into a toilet.

    I have a 5 year old and we do a reward system - he gets a sticker on a chart every time he remembers to lift the seat so he doesn't pee on the seat. When he gets 10, he gets a toy. But if he forgets, he does have to wipe it up. We keep those Lysol wipes on the back of the toilet for just that reason. He is getting very good at remembering - better to reward good behavior than to punish.

  13. by   SmilingBluEyes
    as a child who was abused, this angers me to no end. Please dont' let this go uninvestigated and untreated.

    I am so sorry.
  14. by   TheCommuter
    :icon_hug: (((((hugs)))))

    I dearly hope that all turns out well for you and your children. Please keep in mind that this site is filled with people who truly care about your outcome. Take care and remain strong.