Dedicated to kewlnurse

  1. This is dedicated to kewlnurse and everyone else used to a heavy winter wonderland.

    I'm dreaming of a white Christmas......
    > >
    > > December 8 - 6 pm. It started to snow. The first snow
    > > of the season and
    > > the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
    > > the window watching
    > > the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked
    > > like a Robert Frost
    > > poem brought to life. So romantic we felt like
    > > newlyweds again. I love snow!
    > >
    > > December 9. We woke up to a beautiful blanket of
    > > crystal white snow
    > > covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
    > > sight! Can there
    > > be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here
    > > was the best idea I
    > > ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and
    > > felt like a boy again.
    > > I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This
    > > afternoon the snow plow
    > > came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in
    > > the driveway, so I
    > > got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
    > >
    > > December 12. The sun melted all our lovely snow. Such
    > > a disappointment.
    > > My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely
    > > have a white Christmas.
    > > No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
    > > have so much snow by
    > > the end of the winter, that I'll never want to see
    > > snow again. I don't
    > > think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm
    > > glad he's our neighbor.
    > >
    > > December 14. Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. the
    > > temperature dropped
    > > to 20 below. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The
    > > wind took my
    > > breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway
    > > and the sidewalks.
    > > This is the life! The snowplow came back this
    > > afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
    > > realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
    > > but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
    > > I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
    > >
    > > December 15. 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and
    > > bought a 4x4 Blazer.
    > > Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra
    > > shovels. Stocked the
    > > freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
    > > electricity goes out. I
    > > think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
    > >
    > > December 16. Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on
    > > the ice in the
    > > driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife
    > > laughed for an hour,
    > > which I think was very cruel.
    > >
    > > December 17. Still way below freezing. Roads are too
    > > icy to go anywhere.
    > > Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile on the
    > > blankets to stay warm. Nothing to do but
    > > stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
    > > should have bought the wood stove, but won't
    > > admit it to her. God, I hate when she is
    > > right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own
    > > living room.
    > >
    > > December 20. Electricity is back on, but had another
    > > 14" of the damn stuff
    > > last night. More shoveling. Took all day. *******
    > > snowplow came by
    > > twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but
    > > they're all too busy
    > > playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
    > > hardware store
    > > around to see about buying a snowblower and they're
    > > out. Might have
    > > another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob
    > > says I have to
    > > shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I
    > > think he's lying.
    > >
    > > December 22. Bob was right about a white Christmas
    > > because 13 more inches
    > > of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it
    > > probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to
    > > get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had
    > > to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
    > > dressed again I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire
    > > Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the
    > > winter but he says he is too busy. I think the *******
    > > is lying.
    > >
    > > December 23. Only 2" of snow today and it warmed up to
    > > 0. The wife wanted
    > > me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
    > > What is she....nuts???
    > > Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She
    > > says she did but I
    > > think she's damn well lying.
    > >
    > > December 24. 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I
    > > broke the shovel.
    > > Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch
    > > the son of a *****
    > > who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the
    > > snow by his balls. I
    > > know he hides around the corner and waits for me to
    > > finish shoveling and
    > > then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour
    > > and throws snow all
    > > over where I have just been! Tonight the wife wanted
    > > me to sing Christmas
    > > carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy
    > > watching for the
    > > ******* snowplow.
    > >
    > > December 25. Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the
    > > !*$&D!X#@$&*! slop
    > > tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my
    > > blood boil. God I hate the snow. Then the
    > > snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I
    > > hit him over the head with my shovel. The
    > > wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an
    > > idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one
    > > more time, I'm going to kill her.
    > >
    > > December 26. Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever
    > > move here? It was
    > > all HER idea. She is really getting on my nerves.
    > >
    > > December 27. Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes
    > > froze.
    > >
    > > December 28. Warmed up to above -15. Still snowed in.
    > > The ***** is
    > > driving me crazy!!
    > >
    > > December 29. 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel
    > > the roof or it
    > > could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard.
    > > How dumb does he
    > > think I am.
    > >
    > > December 30. Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is
    > > suing me for a million
    > > dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home
    > > to her mother. 9" predicted.
    > >
    > > December 31. Set fire to the rest of the house. No
    > > more shoveling.
    > >
    > > January 8. I feel so good. I really like those little
    > > white pills they
    > > keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
    •  
  2. 1 Comments

  3. by   renerian
    OMG that is why I cannot wait to move far away from winter. This is the first time my kids will be together on this holiday in 10 years! If the winter storm hits that is all a wash..........I am praying it does not get bad.

    renerian

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