this is hilarious.one night my son came up to tell me there was"something wrong"with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room."hes just lying there looking sick."he told me."can you help?"i put on my best hamster healing expression and followed him to his room.one of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back looking distressed.i immediately knew what to do.call the expert."honey"i called"come and look at the hamster."my wife diagnosed her and said"my gosh.shes having babies."my son looked at her and demanded"what?but their names are burt and ernie,mom."i was equally outraged."how can that be?i thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,"i accused my wife."well what did you want me to do,post a sign in the cage?"she inquired.(i actually think she said this sarcastically)"no,but you were supposed to get two boys!"i reminded her.(in my most loving,sweet,calm voice)"it's kinda hard to tell on some guys"she informed me(again with the sarcasm) by now the rest of the family had gathered so i decided to make the best of it."kids,we're going to witness the miracle of birth"i said."well isn't THAT just great.what are we going to do with a litter of teeny hamster babies?"snapped my wife.(i think she was being snotty)we peered at the patient and after much struggling what appeared to be a tiny foot would appear briefly,vanishing a scant second later."we don't appear to be making much progress"i said."a breech birth"my wife whispered,horrified."do something dad"my son urged."ok ok" squeamishly i reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared giving it a gingerly tug. it dissappeared. i tried again with the same results."should i call 911?"asked my eldest."maybe they could talk us through it"(you see the pattern with my females)instead we headed for the vet with my son holding the cage urging ernie to breathe."i dont think hamsters do lamaze"says my wife(women can be so cruel to their own young,i mean what she does to me is one thing but this boy is of her womb)the vet examined ernie and said he wasn't in labor-he was a boy and asked to speak to us parents privately."you see ernie is a young male and sometimes as they come into maturity they master, er,er"he blushed,glancing at my wife."so ernies just.. excited?"my wife offered.the vet nodded.we were silent absorbing this info.then my viscious cruel women started to giggle.and giggle.then laugh loudly."whats so funny"i demanded,knowing,but not believing that the woman i married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.tears were now running down her face."just..that..i'm picturing you pulling on its teeny..little.."she gasped for air to bellow in laughter once more."thats enough"i warned. we thanked the vet and left."i know ernies really thankful for what you've done,dad."says my son."oh,you have NO idea"my wife agreed collapsing into laughter as i gave her a dirty look.(and women have the gall to keep a straight face during the wedding ceremony)
Aug 11, '01
OHMYGOD... that is tooooo funny! Thanks for sharing!
Aug 11, '01
Thanks for the laugh. I really needed that!!
Aug 11, '01
great story - i needed a laugh .
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