Correspondence between Erma Bombeck & Martha Stewart....

  1. correspondence between erma bombeck & martha stewart

    dear erma,

    this perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper i made myself to tell you what i have been up to.

    since it snowed last night, i got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. i hand-painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. then, to make the sled complete, i made a white horse to pull it, from dna that i had just sitting around in my craft room.

    by then it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. i'm serving the old standard stewart twelve-course breakfast, but i'll let you in on a little secret: i didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so i used the ones i had on hand.

    before i moved the table into the dining room, i decided to add a festive touch. so i repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. then, while the homemade bread was rising, i took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. these were made from hungarian clay, which you can get at almost any hungarian craft store.

    well, i must run. i need to finish the buttonholes on the dress i'm wearing for breakfast. i'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries on the envelope i'll be making. hope my breakfast guests don't stay too long; i have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement at noon. it's a good thing.

    love, martha stewart

    p.s. when i made the ribbon for this typewriter, i used 1/8-inch gold gauze. i soaked the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries, which i grew, picked, and crushed last week just for fun.

    response from erma bombeck:

    dear martha,

    i'm writing this on the back of an old shopping list, pay no attention to the coffee and jelly stains. i'm 20 minutes late getting my daughter up for school, packing a lunch with one hand, on the phone with the dog pound - seems old ruff needs bailing out again. burnt my arm on the curling iron when i was trying to make those cute curly fries; how do they do that? still can't find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using an old disposable razor ... trashed the tablecloth. tried that cranberry thing, frozen cranberries mushed up after i defrosted them in the microwave.

    oh, and don't use fruity pebbles as a substitute in that rice krispie snowball recipe, unless you happen to like a disgusting shade that resembles puke!

    the smoke alarm is going off, talk to ya later.

    love, erma

    i am definitely an erma....:d
  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   RNConnieF
    LOL, Thank you from all of us "Martha" challenged TV viewers.
  4. by   WashYaHands
    :chuckle I'm with Erma too.
  5. by   Stargazer
    From a website I was reading earlier today:

    One of the most humorous things I ever saw on television was an episode with Martha Stewart as Oprah's guest, explaining how to make your own mirrors by painting silver leaf or whatever on the back of glass.

    Piece of glass: $7.50
    Silver leaf: $5.39
    The look on the face of one of the richest women in the world as one of the other richest women in the world insisted that it was reasonable and worthwhile to make your own mirrors: Priceless.
  6. by   Heather333
    I hate Martha Stewart. She annoys the hell out of me.

  7. by   cactus wren
    Love it !!! I always thought that Erma must have been hiding in my closet, her columns were so much like my clan.....Do not like Martha..phoney,baloney....
  8. by   deespoohbear
    I about died reading that one about Martha and Oprah. If I made 1/8 of what those women take in a year, you can bet your sweet bippy I would not be making my own mirrors!! (Or my own meals, or my own bed.... )

    Yeah I can't stand Martha either. I think she is a witch who needs a BIG TIME reality check!! Geesh.

    A couple of years ago I had a funny writing about Martha's Christmas calendar and the preparations for Christmas Day. I will have to see if I can dig that is a real hoot....

    Go Erma!!!
  9. by   passing thru
    I always felt kinda sorry for her. Her husband of 30 years ran off with his secretary ..the sec'y was pregnant I think. Anyway, before all this happened to Martha, she was a homebody housewife raising a daughter for 20 years, she and hubby met in college. I saw her on a talkshow where she told how shocked and devastated and hurt she was when her husband left her.
    As far as the stock market scandal, she hasn't done 0.001 th of what the Enron and all those other thieves did.
    Everyone still loves them. 99.9% of us don't even know one of their names.
    It's always the female who is drawn and quartered, sacrificed in every society in the world--Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Somalia, or even the richest and greatest... the U.S.
    Punish the female and string her up as an example....
    (even though the males committed worse crimes)
    pathetic reflection of our 52 % majority society