Computer Humor

  1. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

    In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
    reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.

    6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

    7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

    8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

    9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

    10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.




    :chuckle Heather
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  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   mageean
    Game,set and match to GM
  4. by   PennyLane
    That is funnnnny!
  5. by   J-RN student
    Funny!
  6. by   emily_mom


  7. by   cbs3143
    Good one Heather

    :roll

    Chuck
  8. by   tiger
    :roll :roll love it!
  9. by   NurseDennie
    OMG, I had the most horrible experience one day. It was about noon, and I was walking along this boat dock, over deep water, headed back into the shore. All of a sudden, I saw TWO!! men, both DROWNING - one on one side of the dock and one on the other! One of them was Bill Gates and the other was Steve Case, CEO of AOL.

    They were on opposite sides of the boat dock and they were both in EXTREME distresss.....

    It was the most difficult decision I've had to make in a long time.... Conch chowder for lunch, or grilled shrimp?

    Love

    Dennie
  10. by   TheBrainMusher
    ah ... nothing like a good joke about bill gates to make my computer feel better
  11. by   nakitamoon
    :roll,,,,, lmao,,,,, thanks heather,,,, i have this problem,,,, when reading,,,, "a fatal error has occured~~" you just don't tell this to a nurse!!!!!!! ~kitamoon,,,,,,
  12. by   DebsZoo
    Some possible computer bumper stickers
    1. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

    2. <-------- The information went data way

    3. The name is Baud...James Baud.

    4. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

    5. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

    6. C:V> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

    7. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

    8. Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.

    9. E Pluribus Modem

    10. .... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

    11. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

    12. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?

    13. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.

    14. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

    15. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .

    16. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

    17. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

    18. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

    19. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

    20. E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

    21. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.

    22. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

    23. Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

    24. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

    25. REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)

    26. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

    27. Hit any user to continue.

    28. Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.

    29. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

    30. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?


    :roll :roll :roll
  13. by   night owl


  14. by   SmilingBluEyes
    :roll :roll

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