child support laws

  1. anyone been through this situation? we were sued by a woman for child support who my husband had as a girlfriend when he was 17. he is now 35(almost 36). actually, the state of tx was the one to sue us going by the info given by the woman that my hubby was the father. she had given his name awhile back as the father and the state of tx is going through a reform on child support. anyway......we requested a blood test, the mother refused, and the case was dismissed. just wondering about thoughts on this. the child was 17 when the suit was filed(about 3 months from turning 18). hubby had no idea. is this fair to you, even if he was the father??????? to go back 17/18 years for back child support when the "named father" had no idea that there was a child????????? i can understand if the father knew, but if you have missed out on all the childhood years cause you had no clue you had a child(for whatever reason the mother never let the "presumed" father know), should you be required to pay???? opinions please. we had to pay 2300 dollars for a lawyer plus hubby had to get tested and then the mother refused the test.
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  2. 17 Comments

  3. by   tiger
    oh and from my understanding--they can go back and require payment from prenatal care with interest. i also understand there is a limit in some areas if you can prove you had no clue there was a child. i think the mother should have to give the name prior to recieving child support/state assistance. get the facts(get tested) right at the beginning. so both mother AND father can be a part of the childs life. but to not say anything, and then when the child is almost 18, and you had no part in raising him/her, and be told you have to pay back child support + interest is just wrong to me.
    Last edit by tiger on May 8, '03
  4. by   Disablednurse
    I think there should be testing for paternity before any decision is made regarding payment. I also feel that the father should be notified earlier than 17 years if they want him to pay child support. This is ridiculous.
  5. by   Spidey's mom
    What I tell my two boys is that anytime you have sex, no matter what kind of birth control method you use, YOU take a risk of making a baby (or getting a sexually transmitted disease). If you aren't willing to take that risk, keep your pants zipped. Sex isn't something to play around with. (even though it is fun). :-)

    While it seems unfair to get this news 17 years later, if someone made the choice to have sex, then this is the consequence. I'd expect my boys to be responsible and do the right thing.

    My goal is to raise boys to think of the consequences of their behavior not just to themselves, but to the girl they may impregnate or to the possible child they may help create. I'm pretty graphic . . .is an orgasm worth the possible consequences? Are you ready to be a father? Do you want a STD? There is one boy at my 18 y.o. son's school who has herpes and has passed this virus on to at least 5 girls in his school. You have to be graphic and tough with kids today. The stuff that goes on is amazing . . .and I have to do this all over again in 13 years . . . (toddler son now)
  6. by   Brownms46
    tiger since you say that Texas is going thru a reform now, is it possible, that this woman was not required to give a name until recently? Still doesn't excuse the fact, that she may have pointed the finger of blame at the wrong man...BUT..

    I agree with stevielynn here. If a man/woman has sex, he/she must take the consequences that go with having unprotected sex.


    However if the woman just gave a name, and KNEW your husband wasn't the father, then I feel that is wrong! But...there again goes the problem of having unprotected sex.
    I feel that since the case was dropped, and the woman refused to have the child tested, then your husband should be compensated for his loss.

    I also feel this woman should not have been allowed to refuse to have the teen tested. Your husband has the right to know if this child is his, and so does the real father...whomever he is. And the child has a right to know who his father is also! I think it's time this woman grow up and took responsibility for her actions also!
  7. by   BBFRN
    So, this woman was allowed to put you, your husband, and her son through hell over this, and then refuse to go through with the testing??? Man, that really sucks! Is there any way you can be recompensated for your atty fees?
  8. by   jnette
    No. I DON'T think this is fair. Was SHE protected? And even IF she was taking BC and still got preganant, why wait 17+ years ?

    Sounds like she's wanting a retirement fund now.

    Had she persued this from the getgo, fine. And certainly would not pay a dime without paternity results ! PLUS if she refuses, I'd sure be asking her to come up with hubby's atty. fees !

    No way is this fair. IF it's proven he IS indeed the father, then perhaps it's a different story, but I still don't buy the idea of waiting all these years, plus never having been informed of the son... just smells fishy to me.

    I think you should have to notify the father or at least show you have attempted to do so (if the father takes off) or SOME kind of verification as soon as you find out you're pregnant... to show that you've attempted to do your part... AND to be tested !
    JMO, though.
  9. by   gwenith
    Have you thought about suing the mother through the small claims court - that is IF this is a malicious thing.

    If it is the state of texas that has brought the suit they may have done so on the information she supplied on the child's birth certificate. She was obviously young as well and could have named anyone not realising that it would end in a lawsuit years later.
  10. by   Brownms46
    Jnette on this one we are going to disagree here. Now I have a son and a daughter, and I would expect my son to use protection, just as I would my daughter. And I would hold them both equally responsible if they failed to do so. And I told them so as soon as they were of age to understan

    I tend to agree with gwenith, that this woman might have just given a name back when this child was born. The original post states this, and it also states it's the state of Texas that is suing him. So the only thing I fault her for is not clearing the matter up IF she KNEW he wasn't the father.

    Maybe she didn't want to have him in the child's or her life, and is refusing the paternity test to prevent this from happening. I don't know. I'd have to hear both side before passing judgement But no matter what the reason, she is wrong for not clearing him. She should clear up the question of this child's paternity NOW, for the sake of all involved!

    One thing I will say is that you reap what you sow! There is a reason the Lord said no sex before marriage, as it's situations like this that make you realize why He did. Whether you believe in the bible or not...sounds like a good reason to me
  11. by   jnette
    Originally posted by Brownms46
    Jnette on this one we are going to disagree here. Now I have a son and a daughter, and I would expect my son to use protection, just as I would my daughter. And I would hold them both equally responsible if they failed to do so. And I told them so as soon as they were of age to understan

    I tend to agree with gwenith, that this woman might have just given a name back when this child was born. The original post states this, and it also states it's the state of Texas that is suing him. So the only thing I fault her for is not clearing the matter up IF she KNEW he wasn't the father.

    Maybe she didn't want to have him in the child's or her life, and is refusing the paternity test to prevent this from happening. I don't know. I'd have to hear both side before passing judgement But no matter what the reason, she is wrong for not clearing him. She should clear up the question of this child's paternity NOW, for the sake of all involved!

    One thing I will say is that you reap what you sow! There is a reason the Lord said no sex before marriage, as it's situations like this that make you realize why He did. Whether you believe in the bible or not...sounds like a good reason to me
    No argument here, Browns.

    By my asking wherther SHE was using protection, too, I was indicating that BOTH parties are indeed responsible.

    As for hearing both sides before passing judgement, you're absolutely right... I guess I was playing devil's advocate and "specualting"... wrong of me.

    Yes, the matter SHOULD be cleared...by the state of Tx., and by her. No doubt.

    And yes...I DO believe there's a sound reason behind each one of God's commands... they are for OUR benefit and OUR protection... not just to be the "Big Guy" who "says so" and to deprive us of our fun. Instead, they are meant to protect us from all the sorrows and pain we bring upon ourselves. Agree with you there as well.
  12. by   Brownms46
    Jnette you're a sweetie as always..! I do think this woman was wrong to let all of this time go by without getting things straight! Making an error as a teen is a totally different thing then not clearing this thing up in all of this time.

    Maybe it's the embrassment of not doing so for so long, but she must face up to what she did, and make things right. The really bad thing is, is there might be some family out there, who are about to have their world turned upside down because she has waited so long to point the finger in the right direction, if she hasn't already done so. And a child who has been left to wonder what the truth really is..

    Talk about the past coming back to bite you!
  13. by   LauraF, RN
    Child support stuff really stinks. I'm the third wife and I have children number 3 and 4. I do know that if the "mother" is trying to get some sort of state assistance they will try and get the person that the "mother" says is the father to pay support. And yes they will charge for back support. The crappy thing about it is that your husband is now involved in a situation where he may or may not have a child that is his, and goodness knows what this "mother' has told the child about him. And he may be an incent bystander.

    Good luck with it all!
  14. by   tiger
    thanks for the replies.

    i agree that both mother and father should take responsibilty(better yet to have avoided sex altogether at that age). the problem i had was the after 17 years bullcrap. it is bad enough if you find out that you have a child at the age of say, 10, and then have to pay child support from then on out until the child is of age. i mean, you missed out on ten years of the childs life and had no say in how he/she was raised.but to find out at age 17, and then they want BACK child support WITH interest is just unfair. imho.

    i don't know what the situation was with the mother. husband says he barely remembers her. we were only told he was the named father but not on the birth certificate. our lawyer said she(the mother) did not want child support or anything. it was the state of tx.

    now hubby is left wondering???????

    thanks again for the opinions.

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