chain letter leprechauns

  1. Hello, my name isn't 'Dumbass' or 'Gullible', and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.

    Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email $1000? How stupid are we? "Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every good looking model in the magazine!"
    What a bunch of BS. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.

    Screw them! If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a penny from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't care.

    Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity! The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shag less or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 pence per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

    They can kiss my ass.

    Now forward this to everyone you know; otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
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  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   Robin61970
    ROFLMAO!!!!!!!
  4. by   Nurse Ratched
    One of my favs...

    I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's, sent to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals, when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken-which is predictable, since, as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC. Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true-I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So, anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
  5. by   Nurse Ratched
    Hats off to the sick genius that came up with this one lol ...

    Hello.

    I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer; only started crying harder. I don't ask her that anymore.

    The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.

    Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her really bad.

    I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. The doctor said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA.

    NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. The prayers will come back to earth and go to the Pope. He will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.

    Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I am ten.

    If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless person without a known father, who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head and a sack of leaves for a body. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to everyone in your address book. They too can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

    Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its business in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.

    Thank You,

    Billy "Smiles" Evans
  6. by   cactus wren
  7. by   JonRN
    Ratched.........you made my day!!!!! I just knew we Hoosiers were the best. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! I am sending forthwith to all the idiots that send me this crap...you hear that Rick???? I'm sending them to you Baby. How dumb do you have to be to believe in this crap????? Oh I forgot Tina..........lookout Tina here they come. Little dancing men after you forward 20 times my ass!!!!
  8. by   Mkue
    :chuckle :roll
  9. by   bagladyrn
    Ratched, you're my kind of person -sick,sick,sick! LMAO - you got my day off to a good start!
  10. by   duckie
    Okay you guys, this ain't fair!!!!!!! I have pneumonia.......ever tried laughing till you cryed with pneumonia? It hurts...it hurts like HELL/O as a matter of fact so would you all lay off this stuff till my lungs fill better or I may just fall over, webbed feet up!!!! Seriously, thanks for the laughs, it made this puny duck feel better, Hugs to all!!!!!
  11. by   live4today
    :roll
  12. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Come on now, guys, the Space Aliens who took up residence in my yard in their 2000sq foot state-of-the-art spacecraft TOLD me these are all true! And nonbelievers are NEVER gonna get that $1million promised by Gates, that surgery for the poor kid or any of the other wonderful and TRUE things promised here. You just shattered all my illusions and beliefs and I will have to evict these visitors now.
  13. by   Sleepyeyes
    hey! you fergot the ones that tell me that I'm not a REAL Christian if I don't send their emails along!
  14. by   Sleepyeyes
    Originally posted by Duckie
    Okay you guys, this ain't fair!!!!!!! I have pneumonia.......ever tried laughing till you cryed with pneumonia? It hurts...it hurts like HELL/O as a matter of fact so would you all lay off this stuff till my lungs fill better or I may just fall over, webbed feet up!!!! Seriously, thanks for the laughs, it made this puny duck feel better, Hugs to all!!!!!
    (((((((hugs, duckie!!)))) Get better!!! remember, laughter clears the lungs!! :chuckle

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