cartoon characters analyzed...

  1. Speedy Gonzales

    Hey, c'mon. Was there ever a rodent
    when Amphetamine abuse is so obvious?
    And did you notice, he runs out and
    gets the food for everyone, but does he
    ever eat any?

    Elmer Fudd

    No question, the boy trips on Ecstasy.
    I mean, listen to that laugh, would you?

    Wile E. Coyote

    Now here's a total PCP burnout case.
    Not only does he feel no pain, but he's
    too brain damaged to know he's licked.

    Yosemite Sam

    Another Angel Dust suspect. His aggression
    knows no bounds, but despite being shot by
    cannons at point blank range, he just gets
    madder and meaner.

    Snoopy

    Of course, likes to trip out with grass. Mostly,
    he's pretty mellowed out, but when he gets his
    paws on that Hash Oil, hey, its WWI flying Ace
    time.

    Olive Oyl

    Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines.
    Who is that skinny?! She might even be anorexic,
    she IS always giving her burger to her friend. One
    side question, what the heck are Popeye and Brutus
    thinking? They almost made the list for dating her.

    He-Man
    This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1.
    "BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Makes me
    want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting
    the weights. And on top of that he even injects the
    stuff in his pet tiger. Animal Abuse!

    Yogi and Boo Boo

    We all know what is really in those picnic baskets.
    They go back to the cave and trip. Another side:
    Are they gay? I mean, take a look at BooBoo. Not
    that there's anything wrong with that.....

    Droopy Dog

    The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't
    someone slip him an upper every year or two. The
    only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the
    picture of the babe.

    Dopey (Dwarf)

    He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement
    but they are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc
    is writing some extra 'scripts' for Sneezy and all the guys
    partaking are afloat.

    Daffy Duck

    If he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so
    wired he bounces around on his head without pain.
    Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might
    be from "daffiness" but Haldol wouldn't work for him.

    Shaggy

    By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad
    goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is
    nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody
    who averages 9.3 dog treats (Scooby snacks) consumed
    per episode smokes pot. And look at the way he and his
    friends painted that van!
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  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   LasVegasRN

    I always thought Shaggy was supposed to represent the pot smoking one in the bunch. :chuckle
  4. by   duckie
    Glad you didn't pick on Tweety or I would have had to flap my feathers and raised a stink!!! LOL Now there is just NOTHING to say bad about Tweety!!!!! Us birds gotta stick together!
  5. by   emily_mom
    I always knew Scooby was stoned! Who else would hang out with such geeks? Surely for the free munchies!

    Kristy
  6. by   adrienurse
    This reminds me of an exerpt from one of my favorite authors.
    Douglas Coupland, in microserfs.
    p. 265 breakfast cereal and communism

    CAP'N CRUNCH:
    Reason this cereal is decadent:
    a) Colonialist exploiter pursues naïve Crunchberry cultures to plunder.
    b) Drunkeness, torture, and debauchery implicit in long ocean cruises.

    SUGAR FROSTED FLAKES:
    Reason this cereal is decadent:
    Silky throated military-indutrial complex spokestoad "Tony the Tiger" exploits the need of the undereducated underclass for a paternalistic, Reagan-like figure. A cautionary tale of the perils of not indoctrinating at the crèche level.

    TRIX:
    Reason this cereal is decadent:
    Well-meaning rabbit, "Trix," kept in continual state of malnutrition/subservience by dominent children of the parasitic bougeoisie. "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids" can be constued as a call to class warefare.

    LUCKY CHARMS:
    Reason this cereal is decadent:
    Man with no adult friends lures children into forest for purpose of nutritional (idealogical) seduction. Sprightly twinkle motif on packaging (putatively an allusion to "flavor") are, in fact, metaphors for soul-deadening sucrose.

    RICE KRISPIES:
    Reason this cereal is decadent:
    Snap, Krackle, and Pop thinly veiled emblems for the Trilateral Commission.

    COCOA PUFFS:
    Reason this cereal is decadent:
    "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs," the demented cackle of Sonny the Cocoa Puffs bird/spokesmuppet, is resonent with the insanity inherent in the needless enslavement of the proletariat.

    COUNT CHOCULA--FRANKENBERRY:
    Reason this cereal is NOT decadent:
    Gay relationship offers an excellent role model for this new era of diversity. Witty vampire motif plays on never-ending struggle of the oppressed to topple the ruling classes.

    Well there you go!
  7. by   debyan
    Speedy Gonzales ain't nuthin compared to Roadrunner, and beep beep, how's about toot toot?

    Deputy dawg well mighty mellow don't you think, maybe dippin into the pot, heheh

    Tweety Bird well passive aggressive is my bet. First you hear a sweet little . kitty kitty then Sylvester gets slammed.and
    Sylvester trying to get something to eat all the time, no other motivation just lays around and he can't even figure out that bird isn't good for him, smokin too much catnip if you get my drift.
    what does that grandma have in that bag of hers, I don't think she's s sweet as she looks either. Talk about a dysfunctonal family, Dr Phil ought to talk with themnuthin personal duckie
    deb
  8. by   rebelwaclause
    Funny!
  9. by   duckie
    Originally posted by Debyanelsworth
    Speedy Gonzales ain't nuthin compared to Roadrunner, and beep beep, how's about toot toot?

    Deputy dawg well mighty mellow don't you think, maybe dippin into the pot, heheh

    Tweety Bird well passive aggressive is my bet. First you hear a sweet little . kitty kitty then Sylvester gets slammed.and
    Sylvester trying to get something to eat all the time, no other motivation just lays around and he can't even figure out that bird isn't good for him, smokin too much catnip if you get my drift.
    what does that grandma have in that bag of hers, I don't think she's s sweet as she looks either. Talk about a dysfunctonal family, Dr Phil ought to talk with themnuthin personal duckie
    deb


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