Brothas on the DL (downlow)

  1. How many of you had the opportunity to see Oprah's show yesterday where the author of a book titled "Brothas on the DL" spoke?

    This is a big time "CURRENT EVENT"! And, release of this author's book has caused death-threats on this man's life simply because he is bringing out in the open "not so new -- news" on married men having sex with other men while married. This man claims that these married men having sex with other men are NOT gay...I repeat...are NOT gay...they simply enjoy "having sex with men", but claim to "really love their wives".

    This is a frightening CURRENT EVENT to read about. I intend to buy the book and read up on it more. Now that I am newly single, whom shall I date?

    Married men are not being totally honest with their wives anymore than I'm sure many married women are not being honest with their husbands about their adulterous affairs outside of their marriages.

    The spread of HIV/AIDS is on the rise (especially in the Black Race of people) because of this "newsflash" that has hit air waves, bookstores, and radio talk shows alerting women to this CURRENT EVENT about the men they are involved with.

    In Ecclessiates (sp?) in the Old Testament of the Bible, there is a statement that says "There is nothing new under the sun". I believe this wholeheartedly, however this is something that is now coming out in the open since we live in a society today that wants EVERYTHING out in the open.

    I'm thankful to the author for publishing this book to open women's eyes as to what is destroying the sanctity of "marriage and family". Divorce is no picnic! Children are the ones hurt the most by divorce. As women are learning about their husband's behaviors in this manner, the divorce trend is climbing along with HIV/AIDS.......especially in the Black Race, and in women of other races who marry or are married to Black men who practice this art of sex on the side with other men.

    The author also said this is NOT a "Black Man's thing" to do outside of his marriage, but many other cultures are practicing this unsafe behavior as well, so don't think you are safe just because you have never been with a "Brotha". The author is a Black Male, and that is why his book is addressed mostly to the Black Brotha's wives, girlfriends, etc.

    This is not about being gay! This is about keeping a secret from your wife that may affect her health and the lives of your children because of your promiscuous involvement outside of marriage with other men who do the same as you are doing.

    I'm baffled by all of this, and never thought something like this would surface to the extent it has. If anyone wants to learn more about the book and the author, go on Oprah's website and read yesterday's show for an update.

    Just wanted to bring this to everyone's attention for your own protection! It's a major health concern for all of us today.
    Last edit by live4today on Apr 18, '04
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  2. 27 Comments

  3. by   Jaaaman
    they simply enjoy "having sex with men", but claim to "really love their wives".
    Adultery is adultery whether it be a man having sex with another man or a woman outside of his marriage. If a marriage is to be strong and sound, then that type of activity must not go on outside of that marriage. Adultery destroys marriages.
  4. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I saw this feature on OPRAH friday. It's frightening to say the least when you consider one statistic quoted on her show:

    HIV/AIDS is the number one killer of African-Americans age 25-44 (I am sorry this may be off a bit here, but that demographic is very close).

    Another growing HIV/AIDS demographic: folks over 65. Not one many would suspect.

    How SCARY is THAT? We really need some education here, I think.
  5. by   nekhismom
    It is very scary indeed. I mean, we get married, settle down and think, "well, I don't have to worry about STD's anymore, because I'm married." Just when you think you're safe, you realize that you're not. I mean, I'm sure many of these women have NO CLUE that their husband is cheating. It doesn't matter if it's with a man or a woman, it's still adultery, and there are still risks associated with it. And women cheat, too. So yes, it is scary indeed.
  6. by   live4today
    Quote from jaaaman
    adultery is adultery whether it be a man having sex with another man or a woman outside of his marriage. if a marriage is to be strong and sound, then that type of activity must not go on outside of that marriage. adultery destroys marriages.
    you are absolutely correct! adultery is adultery...no matter who your having sex with outside the confines of one's marriage.

    the "awakening news" about this topic is many women automatically think their husbands are having affairs with "other women" not "other men" which is why this author is bringing this topic out in the open to open women's eyes to the fact that it may not be "just another woman" their husbands are adulterous with............that's the difference in the two. just another avenue for women to think about when they suspect their husband's are cheating on them.
  7. by   Tweety
    It's a free country, consenting adults should be free to do what they want to do. Hopefully they are using safer sex.

    But let me go on record as saying I don't have anything to do with fence jumpers. It's just plain wrong. IMHO. Can't stand 'em.

    edited: I'm not talking about bisexuals. But married men who on the sly sleep with men.
    Last edit by Tweety on Apr 18, '04
  8. by   ktwlpn
    [QUOTE=cheerfuldoer] This man claims that these married men having sex with other men are NOT gay...I repeat...are NOT gay...they simply enjoy "having sex with men", but claim to "really love their wives".

    As women are learning about their husband's behaviors in this manner, the divorce trend is climbing along with HIV/AIDS.......especially in the Black Race, and in women of other races who marry or are married to Black men who practice this art of sex on the side with other men.

    QUOTE] crap---this is nothing new for caucasians....I have found that black males tend to be more verbally homophobic(in my experience) Maybe they are the ones the book is about....It's not about being gay---it's about being bi-sexual....and not monogamous...I think it is adultery unless you enter into an open relationship and your partner understands this...It's downlow cheating and men that engage in this practice are playing Russian roulette with the lives of thier loved ones.....
  9. by   SharonH, RN
    This topic sure is making the rounds on the internet. I'm surprised by that because E.Lynn Harris broached this subject years ago and has continued to write about it and Essence magazine also has written articles about it. It is truly chilling. It has been suggested one of the contributing factors to this is the pervasiveness of homophobia in the Black community which makes living on the DL necessary. I would certainly agree with that. I also believe that a lot of women know or suspect that their men are cheating and rather than call him on it, they just accept it and tell themselves that as long as he doesn't bring it home they will deal with it because they don't want to lose the family setup which is quite understandable. Unfortunately, when it does come home it is in the form of HIV. Tragic.


    P.S. Edited to add: I love, love, love your avatar!
  10. by   howie122832
    This happened to my sister... IT's not just an african american problem!
    My ex-brother-in-law had a cleaning business, he cleaned offices and that meant that he was out "at work" everynight. My sister became suspicious when he wasn't where he said he was going to be etc... so she began to follow him, and Low and behold.. he was out having sex with other men. They have 3 children together, and this was very hard on them. My sister immediately filed for divorce, but not b-4 she had her first HIV/AIDS test. She tested negative(thank god!) and now is tested on a regular basis. This is something that she will have to live with for the rest of her life. She thought just as everyone else does... "I'm married, I don't have to worry about those things..."

    The fact that the guy on Oprah said "no, I'm not gay" just floored me! I think he just married because he thought it keep him from having to disclose the fact that he was indeed homosexual!
  11. by   nekhismom
    Quote from SharonMH31
    It has been suggested one of the contributing factors to this is the pervasiveness of homophobia in the Black community which makes living on the DL necessary. I would certainly agree with that. I also believe that a lot of women know or suspect that their men are cheating and rather than call him on it, they just accept it and tell themselves that as long as he doesn't bring it home they will deal with it because they don't want to lose the family setup which is quite understandable. Unfortunately, when it does come home it is in the form of HIV. Tragic.
    I agree, sharon. I know that homosexuality was pretty much always taboo in the communities that I grew up in, and they were always multi-racial.

    I do know a group of black men who during high school did have sex with other men, but ADAMANTLY denied being homosexual. They even had girlfriends who did NOT suspect anything. One of the men unfortunately did contract AIDS, and has since passed away. Another is living with HIV. Unfortunately, as their girlfriends did not suspect anything, some of them were victims, too. It is truly sad. Perhaps, if there had not been such a stigma against being gay, this could have been prevented.
  12. by   NurseHardee
    The idea that HIV/ AIDS is not just a 'gay disease' is now beginning to hit home. In fact, it is a disease that needs to be dealt with as TB once was. We'd all be dead by now though, if the Bible and Quran had seemed to imply that TB sufferers were all evil and sinful, and Satan's children. That's the problem here. Religion hates sex, and HIV is sexually transmitted. We are on a perilous slope into doomsday now.

    NH
  13. by   nekhismom
    NurseHardee, I don't think that religion hates sex, per se. I think that many religions condone sex, just within certain limits. And as far as I know in my limited studies of other religions, many religions are against homosexuality, or at least are interpreted to be that way.

    But HIV/AIDS is a very dangerous track, I agree. More education needs to be done, more money needs to be put into research. I firmly believe that there is a vaccine available for HIV, and has been for years. But something has to be done, and it needs to be done on a wide scale quickly.
  14. by   SmilingBluEyes
    nevermind.....

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