Break-up

  1. Hey guys, my girlfriend of the past year and a half just broke up with me. I don't understand what happened. The first 6 months were great. Then we got real busy with clinicals and school. The past 6 months we hardly saw each other (alone maybe once a month) except for at school. Well we both passed our boards and I made the mistake of not congratulating her. When I passed, I emailed her and she said good, now get a job. I was getting fed up with her attitude and putting me down on and off thru the year, so I told her something I should'nt have and she emailed me back and said it was over, wanted her stuff back, ect. I tried to apologize and called her and wrote several emails. She finally said we'll talk. About a week later she had a free day. I was waiting to talk to her. Instead she comes over when I was'nt home, got her stuff, left my key, then left a phone message saying I have'nt been taking it seriously and she knew it. She also said she has been protecting herself and kids from me from the start. I admit I did'nt say I would except her kids as my own (she has 3, I have none) until after she said it was over. But I thought she knew. We made plans to live together part-time for awhile to be sure it would work, but changed her mind again. I think the main issue was she got 2 cna jobs working about every day right after graduation until boards, while I worked part-time in a factory and did'nt really start looking for a nursing job until I passed the boards. My finances are'nt the greatest either from going to school the past several years. She said in her message we could still talk about nursing if I had any questions. She did'nt answer my last email in which I asked if we could still be friends, just talk or go out sometime with the kids and also asked about her new job and if she had advice about my applications, ect. My question is should I write her one last time to say goodbye, ask why she did'nt reply, ect?
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  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   Ruby Vee
    [font="comic sans ms"]i'm sorry you're hurt. breaking up is hard to to, and you're going to go through a period of hurting before you're over it. find a constructive way to deal with it, and reflect upon the lessons you've learned. (you did learn a lesson about communication didn't you?)

    nowhere in your post does it indicate that this woman was the love of your life. so remember the good parts of this relationship, gloss over the bad parts except for the lessons you've learned, and get on with it. getting in touch with her again is probably not going to accomplish anything except making you both miserable.
  4. by   Medsport
    Yes, she was the love of my life. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Maybe I realized it too late. I tried to explain it to her, but she did'nt really explain herself. I already lost her once when she was a high school sweetheart. I broke up with her being a dumb teenager. We met up again 18 years later and I thought I had a second chance. Though I did miss out on having kids together or on my own for that matter. Looking back, we probably got intimate too quickly (though we both wanted it) and maybe I got too attached too quickly and rushed the issue. She did say she loved me (until the internet argument). I told her I wanted to marry her, but knew she did'nt want to until we lived together and was sure. She also said she would have said no if I had asked her. We are both really busy though and it would have been really difficult to work it out as we both work 2 jobs and most likely 3rd shift. I don't know when we would find time for each other and when we would sleep. We had disagreements about sex in the past, but I told her I just wanted to be near her now, but to no avail...
  5. by   CTstudent
    I think you should let her go. She might have came back into your life for a reason not necessarily to stay. Somebody sent me this email once and I think it makes so much sense:


    People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When
    you
    know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When

    someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet! a need
    you
    have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to

    provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
    emotionally
    or spiritually.



    They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there
    for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on
    your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do
    something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die.
    Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a
    stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire
    fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered
    and now it is time to move on.


    Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has
    come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or
    make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They
    usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real.
    But! only for a season!


    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must
    build
    upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to
    accept
    the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in
    all
    other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is
    blind
    but friendship is clairvoyant.

    Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a
    season or a lifetime.
  6. by   DudeNurseRN
    Whoa lots of stuff happening all at once for you!

    Congrats on passing the NCLEX! That test isn't easy!

    It's never easy cutting ties with someone you've been in a relationship with for a long time, but that sounds like the best option for the moment. Although it would have been great if she would have talked with you like you guys planned to, she decided to grab her stuff like a ninja and bolt. Sure, you could email her, and try for more answers or a time to talk, but how frustrating would it be not to get any response again. If you can let go, I would let go, and move on. Put the focus on getting comfortable in your new role as an RN, and things will work themselves out from there.

    I know that this post won't make life any easier, or less frustrating, and things are going to be bad for awhile before things get better.
  7. by   Medsport
    Thanks for the replies guys. I have one more question that is bugging me. Should I email her one last time to say goodbye? I was thinking of saying "I thought you said we could be friends" because she said I could contact her if I had any nursing questions or what not. I was going to write something kind of mushy, like I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but that has'nt worked in my last letters. Think I could just say thanks for the good times and your help thru school? Or anything else? I don't know if I upset her in my last email. I never seem to know with her. Or just let it go and wait and see if she contacts me some time?
  8. by   CT Pixie
    Why not pick up the TELEPHONE and talk to her! The meanings of thoughts/emotions get lost in an email. You can't tell what was meant by the person. so many times people take things wrong when they read an email but had the person said it to them you would be able to pick up on the mood etc. And honestly email is blehhh...it so impersonal! You've said several times that you emailed her but never once did you mention a real live conversation where you HEAR each others voices.

    If it were me and the man I just left was emailing me instead of calling me, I'd be thinking he really didn't care.

    If my hubby and I have an email argument, it never fails both of us pick up the phone to call the other to talk.

    Sweetie, pick up the phone (cell or land line..your choice) and talk with her. Then you can ask her directly whats what, you can ask a ? or make a statement, she can respond and you can respond right back without having to wait for her to check her email, read yours, respond back and wait for your response.

    I wish you the best with the relationship.
  9. by   Medsport
    I don't know when she'll be home and I usually have to leave a message if I call her cell. I guess I could do that and leave a message if I have to, but I'm not as good of thinking what to say on the phone. She did say it floored her when I called the home phone a couple weeks ago. That was before she said it was over though. I did call and leave a message last week, but also emailed more thoughts.
  10. by   insa
    I'm no breakup expert, but here's a suggestion: write her a letter, on paper, in which you let go of this relationship.

    I feel very uncomfortable saying something that sounds this harsh, but here's why I offer this advice:

    Your tone suggests to me that you think there's a chance it's going to continue somehow, maybe just as friends. But this is a woman who said she was "protecting" herself and her children from you. For those who have kids, this probably means something very different than it does to those who don't. Being in a relationship with somebody means making yourself vulnerable to being hurt emotionally by that person. The challenge for people with children who want to find a romantic relationship is that it's very difficult to do this without putting your children in a really unfair position: her kids weren't dating you, after all, but if they get to know a guy their mom is dating, they too are vulnerable to being hurt emotionally by that guy.

    If she said she was protecting her children from you, I think that may be a reflection of this situation. And if that's the case, I don't think it's realistic to expect that she will want to continue any kind of relationship. Sorry.

    So, why write a letter? Even if you never send it, perhaps it will help you work through some of your feelings. You could say what you enjoyed, what you regret about your relationship. I've found that putting it on paper (not pixels) can help when you're going through these feelings.
  11. by   Carmino
    Congrats on the test.

    Dam shame you lost the girl though.
    I would suggest you follow your heart on what further actions to take. If she is the love of your life do you want to let her get away?

    Maybe you should buy her a few dozen roses and a few boxes of chocolate and go on over to her place? Apologize and tell her shes your everything and you don't want the relationship to end over something like this. Yes I know thats corny but is she worth it?

    Or you could email her again. though this could show her you cant even take the time to see her in person.

    Or you could let her go but you would be kicking yourself after. You all ready are.

    All I am saying is you could try to do something that shows her you care about saving the relationship. I was simply giving you an example. Whats the worst that can happen you don't get back together? See what I mean it can only go up from here. Good luck!

    Hey its just my
  12. by   nursemike
    I have two observations. One: nursing school is tough on relationships. I've seen what appeared to be pretty well-established marriages end over the demands of school and/or in the immediate aftermath. All that commitment to something other than the relationship is a pretty severe test (I'm not using "test" in the sense of an exam to be passed or failed. It's more like a stress test--how much strain can this relationship bear?)
    Two: Dude, it's over. From your description, it sounds like it has been over for awhile. I'm sorry for your loss--and it is a loss, comparable in some ways to the death of a loved one--but I hope you'll soon realize that life goes on. Although I still have a soft spot in my head for each of my ex-girlfriends, I don't really buy into "the love of my life." Most of us have several loves in our lives, and each is a special as any other. Go ahead and grieve, for now, but try not to do anything too stupid. I'm assuming from your post that you're young, in which case by the time you've made it to Kubler-Ross's fifth stage, other women are going to start looking pretty good (if they haven't already) and at least some of them are going to be interested in a handsome, intelligent, caring and sensitive man such as yourself.

    Plus, based on my experience, as a male nurse you will get hit on plenty, at work. Mostly by women in their 70's and 80's, but, you know, at least you've got options...
  13. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from nursemike

    Plus, based on my experience, as a male nurse you will get hit on plenty, at work. Mostly by women in their 70's and 80's, but, you know, at least you've got options...
    :lol_hitti:lol_hitti:lol_hitti

    leslie
  14. by   leslie :-D
    i'm really sorry, medsport.
    based on what you've said, it sounds like her mind is made up.
    it's time to let her go.

    wishing you healing and peace.

    leslie

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