Bound to Offend at Least Half the World

  1. Got this via email today, and it left me rolling. I'll say ahead of time it is for laughs, ONLY. If you take offense, sorry.

    Axis of Evil Wannabees
    by John Cleese

    Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil,"
    Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed
    the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . we're the best."

    Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

    International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable."

    With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
    filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
    called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly
    Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

    While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

    Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
    privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.


    This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)
    named above and may contain information that is confidential
    privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs.

    If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
    distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either
    explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux

    Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the pit bull next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

    Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be
    gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by
    reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice
    from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your Computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.

    If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.

    Sure, you can TRUST the Government. Ask any Native American.
    Last edit by kmchugh on Mar 21, '03
  2. 40 Comments

  3. by   caroladybelle
    I've always enjoyed John Cleese.
  4. by   TNcanNURSE
    The message is funny, but I thought the disclaimers at the bottom were hilarious.
    *I circled our neighborhood with salt before I responded*
  5. by   sbic56
    While it was mildly entertaining, I wasn't ROTFLMAO...nor terribly offended, personally.

    What I appreciated most was that you admitted that over half the world may be offended. (Still understated, but good enough!) It's good to know that you, of all people on these boards, admit that more than half the world shares a vision of peace through democracy over compliance through war.
  6. by   FullMoonMadness
    I love John Cleese.I have always enjoyed his humor,this brings to mind Monty Python's Holy Hand Grenades.This does not offend me at all.
  7. by   l.rae
  8. by   Mkue
    Kevin, I heard that on the radio yesterday ! It's so funny, thanks for sharing it.
  9. by   Ted
    :chuckle :roll :chuckle

    John Clease. . . . truly a talented comedian! He's one of my favorites!


    P. S. Here's the six million dollar question: Who or what do you think he's poking fun at?!?

    (And in re-reading the skit, he's poking fun at a whole bunch of people/things/ideas! He's a genious!)
    Last edit by Ted on Mar 21, '03
  10. by   mastiff38
    :roll :roll :roll

    When I'm tired, I tend to get a little giggly and find things much funnier than I normally would... well, I'm exhausted right now, so this message had me laughing so hard I cried. Nearly fell outta my seat. I'm sure I'll still find it funny after I've gotten some rest, but right now, it's absolutely hilarious!

    Thanks for the laugh, I needed that!!!
  11. by   hoolahan
    Originally posted by TNcanNURSE
    The message is funny, but I thought the disclaimers at the bottom were hilarious.
  12. by   Ted
    One of the funniest television shows I've ever watched, thanks to John Clease!

    Of course we can't forget Monty Python! Great Humor!
    Last edit by Ted on Mar 21, '03
  13. by   semstr
    Fun, disclaimers are the best though!
  14. by   Mimi Wheeze
    Thanks, Kevin! That was funny!

    Darn it.. got salt on my keyboard somehow.....