Blond Jokes...

  1. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
    A: The blonde works in the dark!

    Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
    A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

    Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
    A: They're both empty from the neck up.

    Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
    A: Wave

    Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
    A: They both have black roots.

    Q: What does a blonde owl say?
    A: What, what?

    Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's @$$?
    A: A brain tumor.

    Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
    A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

    Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
    A: To see what was on the other side.

    Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
    A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

    Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
    A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

    Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
    A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

    Q: Why did God create blondes?
    A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

    Q: Why did God create brunettes?
    A: Neither could the blondes.

    Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
    A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

    Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
    A: To turn the blinker off.

    Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
    A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

    Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
    A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

    Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
    A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

    Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
    A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

    Q: Why does it work?
    A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

    Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
    A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

    Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
    A: A blond doing cartwheels.

    Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
    A: She missed the Earth!

    Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
    A: Pick them up off the floor.

    Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
    A: The vegetable garden.

    Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
    A: One.

    Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
    A: Far-from-thinkin

    Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
    A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

    Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
    A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

    Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
    A: Spot.

    Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
    A: Air Supply.

    Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
    A: A blond electrician.

    Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
    A: So brunettes can remember them.

    Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
    A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

    Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
    A: Perri-air

    Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
    A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

    Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
    A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

    Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
    A: The Air Pump!

    Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
    A: Because she got an F in sex.

    Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
    A: She missed.

    Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
    A: After a dye job.

    Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
    A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

    Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
    A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

    Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
    A: She kept having affairs with men!

    Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
    A: Grade 4.

    Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
    A: 144 blondes.

    Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
    A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

    Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
    A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub. .

    Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
    A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

    Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
    A: It swells at night.

    Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
    A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

    Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
    A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

    Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
    A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

    Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
    A: She moved.

    Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
    A: A blonde parade.

    Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
    A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

    Q. What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
    A. Goes home.

    Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
    A. Not everyone has been in a 747

    Q. What do you call 2 blondes in the freezer?
    A. Frosted Flakes.
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   karenG
    oh boy- I'm glad I'm a brunette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    where did you find these???????

    Karen
  4. by   J-RN student
    I got them in an e-mail:chuckle
  5. by   OC_An Khe
    But remember a Brunette is just a Blonde in training.
  6. by   Lausana
    :chuckle
  7. by   Rustyhammer
    A blind man goes into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
    After taking a good drink he says, "Anybody want to hear a good blonde joke?"
    It's quiet for a second then the guy nest to him says "Hey buddy, The bartender here is 6'0" not too well tempered and blonde.
    The bouncer is 6'3", a black belt and blonde. I am a former all pro linesman, am 230 lbs and ALSO blonde. Are you SURE you want to tell that blonde joke in here?"
    The blind man thinks for a second, takes another drink of his beer and says "Naw, not if I have to explain it three times I don't"
    -R
  8. by   RNinICU
    How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
    Three. One to make the dough, and two to peel the M&Ms


    Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
    She kept throwing away the W's

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