awful evening

  1. so last night was an awful evening and i just need to vent....we had a lot of complete patients and not a lot of staff. so of course, everyone is on edge. i totally understand being stressed but where is the professional courtesy? there is no need to snap at one another. nursing is team work. we need to work together. how hard is it to help someone turn a patient? it takes 5 minutes at most...oh well. 3 of our nurses were supposed to leave at 7, which would have left us with 4 nurses for 33 beds. thankfully, one stayed til 9 and the other till 11...but we also tried calling some midnight people in early. no one came in early. unfortunately midnights was short staffed too, but after an awful shift who wants to stay? so there were comments made about us not staying to help them. i then said something about it works two ways. i didn't mean it to be mean towards them, but i guess it sounded that way. it is all one horrible cycle. days is short, so they don't want to stay for eves, then eves and short and doesn't want to stay for nights.....i then got the remark from one nurse that she has put in her time. that she is ___ years older than me and shouldn't have to stay. that she put in her time years ago and now it is my turn, yada, yada, yada. i believe that if someone helps you, you should help them in return. not get dumped on. it can't always be a take, take situation. i normally try to stay until at least 3 to help them with midnight lines, call lights...but i can't do that every time i work. it is too tiring. and then it becomes expected of you and you catch crap for leaving... then the nurse confronted me while i was in the locker room. seems that someone told her that i called her a whore and a ****. of course, i was shocked and asked who said this so i could ask them about this. she said she didn't want to say. omg, i would NEVER say that especially about a coworker. that has NOTHING to do with our job, so it is irrelevant to me. if you are doing your job as a nurse, then who cares about your personal life. i left work in tears. this sucks because i am such a conscientious person. i try so hard to help out and leave nothing for the next shift. i also have this crazy complex and try to please everyone, so it makes this so much more painful to me. i haven't been this hurt, angry, upset in years. i thought that i had a good relationship with all of my coworkers, but i guess i was wrong. i honestly don't know what to do.


    thanks for listening/reading...anxiously awaiting your always awesome replies....(wow that was a lot of a words!)
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  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Sorry I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom for you Shannon. All I can pass along are a bunch of hugs, and the knowledge that we all have these days, and they DO pass

    As for the co-worker/**** thing, I would just say "I'm glad you did the right thing and came to me to clear this up. I DID NOT say these things about you." And leave it at that. You can't do anymore to change her mind or try and please her.

    :kiss Heather
  4. by   JailRN
    I HATE people who say, "well I heard you said this about me" then won't tell you WHO said it. Usually they're lying, and just want to srit up $hi!. Drives me crazy. (((HUGS))) to you , keep your chin up, this too, will pass,(usually when something better to talk about comes along)
  5. by   Lausana
    ((Shannon)) It's sad how hurtful people can be Heather's advice is right on for dealing with the coworker, hopefully she will think twice at what kind of person you are and realize she shouldn't have even listened to a word from the unnamed gossiper. Sounds like you are going above and beyond what your job is right now, and you should be receiving a thank you, we apprieciate it...but unfortunately, not everyone has enough class they're just worried about themselves.

    Hang in there & let us know how things are going.
  6. by   Aussienurse2
    Doncha just hate working in a catty, nasty environment? I think too many people spend too much time at work and forget that the real world is just outside the door. Life is too short to spend too much time thinking about work babe. If the highlight of their day is to bytch about you, then feel good 'cause you've done them a good turn and you can just walk out the door feeling good about yourself and then get on with real life! It's not your problem, it's theirs.
  7. by   prn nurse
    I think some communication with the manager is in order.
    The manager needs to be reminded ....again... of the shortages, and also of the co-workers comments...it is a CYA thing....
  8. by   Brownms46
    ((((((((((((((shannonRN))))))))))))

    I have to agree with everything you have said here. You're a great person, and the reason I say that is because of what you wrote. You try to help out others, and staying to 0300 is above and beyond in my book. You didn't deserve to have someone add to the problem by bringing up unneccesary stuff....that should have been ignored by the person who attacked you...after you had given your all! You did nothing wrong here, and it seems as though...this co-worker is just looking for someone to strike out at...and you were the safe one to approach with this mess! If strange how it's the nice people that get walked on...and the I don't care types who do the stepping on.

    Sometimes also...people are just jealous...period. Sometimes people can resent you...just because of your good heart. They don't have the character, or caring nature that you do...and become resentful....that you do! So hold your head up high, because if those you work with...don't realize the gem they have working with them....that is their problem not yours!

    As for the co-worker who feels she has put in her time...and can't see the need to continue to help others. Well...I think it's time she moved on...and go work where team work isn't needed. When the crap hits the fan...everyone should be willing to pull together, and get the job done. When the crap hits the fan...all team members are needed to help...not just those who just came on the scene...or who others fill need to put in their time. When you're not part of the solution...you're part of the problem. And who needs co-workers...who don't want to play anymore!

    If you accept help...then you should stand ready to give help. The words that express this for me is. To whom much is given, much is required. You shouldn't be a taker...if you're never on the giving end. A caring caregiver...should never be too old to continue to give to those around them.

    Maybe for a little while...you need to just take care of your shift, and let them take care of theirs. Maybe it will be an eye opener, and a reminder...giving them a chance to see...just how the help you give...has benefited them. Sometimes you don't appreciated the well...until it runs dry. Take care of yourself...and rest. I hope your upcoming evenings get better, and you find just a little appreciation along the way..
  9. by   hapeewendy
    shannon , you sure you dont work where I work?
    I think I've seen you in the halls.........
    werent you the one spreading the rumour that I'm the sexiest nurse around? hehe just kidding my friend, keep your chin up and heart pumping.
    I am where you are right now and having been on vacation for the last 2 weeks I have put many things into perspective.
    I am a lot like you , a chronic "try to please everyone" personality type, you have got to get out of that mode, seriously if you do not want to be taken advantage of left right and center and then criticized when you dont bend over backwards to please the masses then start making yourself a priority and not them.
    this is easier said then done, I'm only in the baby steps of trying do do this, trying to do the best possible job I can while others seem to want to pass off mediocre nursing care.
    about the whole no one to help turn patients , I keep on asking til someone relents and helps me, I dont care who I sound annoying or bothersome to, the job needs to be done and in the case I cant do it myself.
    I just had an incident where someone I work with pulled me aside and said that one of our co workers told her that I called her a lazy B*tch and that I hated working with her.I took the time to simply say that a. I didnt and would never say that , especially not at work , especially not to a co worker and especially not at the nursing station which was where I supposedly said it, b.I'm a little to smart to badmouth people in general and specifically here on the unit because I've seen people have battle royales on the floor before and c.I'm not in highschool, havent been in highschool in years and dont particularly want to be back in higschool so unless you are providing me with the name of the tattle tale so that I can clarify this infront of you then I am uninterested and you will just have to believe what you want to since you've left me no way to clear things up.
    that settled that very quickly and nothing else was said.
    Sure we like to think we get along with our co workers, I always thought that I had a great relationship,but you have to keep in mind, if you hear them badmouthing others on a regular basis who do you think they badmouth when the ones they badmouth infront of you are not around?
    fact is that nursing can be very catty and full of manipulative people who always want to feel that they have it worse of all - like they have the hardest patient assignment and they have the most responsibility yaddy yaddy.
    nursing can also foster great working relationships , teamwork and friendships outside the working environment . Nursing like everything else in life is a gamble, you get some good you get some bad but hopefullly when the cards are on the table the good outnumber the bad.
    plus you have all of us here rooting for you ,caring about you and just generally sending good thoughts your way.
    so now as for what to do , just keep doing what youre doing, keep on providing the best care you can for your patients, keep management up to date on the UNSAFE work environment ,because it is unsafe to be understaffed- at work we fill out an unusual occurance form when short staffed (the irony of the title is not lost on me since we are almost always short staffed therefore not being an unusual occurance at all , but still) this gets filed and sent to upper management so at the very least there is annoying paperwork on their desks that they need to at least acknowledge....
    try to seek out a co worker and buddy up if you can. Having worked with total lazya$$es on nights I took it upon myself to find one or two good hard working people and in the morning we turn/change all the patients that need to be turned on our 2 teams.
    when the shift after yours is shortstaffed and they are absolutely brutally busy of course I suggest offering the help that you can and staying etc , however if you do this on a regular basis it will become expected, so you just have to decide for your own wellbeing what to do there.
    most of all leave your job with your head held high and your concscience clear since you know that you havent done any of the things some of your catty miserable co workers suggest you have.
    the moral highground feels so good to walk on let me tell you
    and you can walk it gracefully too, like the nurse in the case with me , claimed she was such a good christian yet she was gossping and believing untruths and not giving her "fellow man" the benefit of the doubt, lil old me walked out of our meeting the far better person on that one, without having to yack about what a good christian or good soul I am
    best of luck
    we are here for ya!
  10. by   fedupnurse
    Where was management in all this short staffing?? It is NOT the responsibility of the staff to cover the holes management allows. If it is known that an upcomning shift is going to be short beds should be closed. If MANAGEMENT/ADMINISTRATION decide to keep the beds open then THEY can stay and staff the uncovered patients. Why is it that staff goes after other staff when it is a management problem?? When I see this where I work I remind everyone involved in the bickering who is actually responsible and not to take it out on each other.
  11. by   Brownms46
    I agree fedupnurse. But there have been times when nurses have stayed over and helped out, and the help is greatly appreciated by most....if not by all. Sometimes people are needed just until the "rush" is over...and then the rest of the nite is relatively Q***T.

    Where I am now...we do 12hr 7 to 7, and they have a scheduled person who does 3p to 11pm, and this works out great to help get things under control at the beginning of our shift. But I agree that being short...is a mangement problem.
  12. by   shannonRN
    as usual you guys are awesome. :kiss you always seem to know what to say...

    heather, i did try to convince the coworker that i would never say anything like that. but i was in such a state of shock that i was at a loss for words. i was also on the verge of tears (i hate being a crier). she then said well one of two people is lying and strolled away. i know all that matters is that i know that i didn't say it, but it still hurts.

    jail, aussie, and lausana, i have had it working with all these females. too catty for me. i was way over that in high school which is why i have only 1 or 2 girlfriends. had been burned one too many times by someone who was supposed to be my best friend.

    prn, my manager would so not want to hear about this. just the other day she was saying that she isn't the personal therapist for all of the staff and how she wished they would stop coming to her with all of their personal problems. as for staffing, she knows. but you have to make an "appointment" with her to talk about anything....

    brownms, this nurse is infamous for being mean to people. i think that she is really unhappy and trying to bring people down with her. i hate mean people!

    wendy, i have definately heard that you are the sexiest nurse around (second to me that is)!!! i totally understand the whole taken advantage of thing. i am working on it. maybe we should start a support group?! :chuckle i guess the two of us would be first in line for that allnurses hospital!!!

    fedup, i wish management would do something about this....does it ever really happen that management helps? i have seen it on rare occassion. my manager helps on days, i haven't seen her stay past 3p since i started there over a year ago.

    okay, i've tried to respond to everyone....just my thanks for sending me encouragement and advice.
  13. by   BadBird
    Big HUG to you, you earned it. Isn't it funny how no one appreciates what you do extra until you stop doing it then they think you owe them!! The Nerve!! I would speak directly to my nurse manager and tell her what you were accused of and put an end to the gossip immediately. If that nurse doesn't want to meet with you and the nurse manager then she should have a written statement of concern for starting trouble.
  14. by   donmurray
    A useful ready reply would be "Until YOU hear me say such things, then don't believe it!" ((((HUGS))))

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