Attn: Childfree by choice nurses-

  1. I am 38 yrs old, married for 6 years, and have decided that I do not wish to have children.

    When I meet new people (at work and otherwise) one of the first things they often ask is "How many kids do you have?"

    When I say "None", the next question is usually "Are you a newly-wed?" When I answer "No".... then comes the sympathetic look on the face of the person asking questions. The next question is often "Oh... Are you having trouble getting pregnant?"

    Sometimes, people even recommend fertility specialists!

    When I actually come out and tell people "My husband and I have decided not to have children." people look at me like I'm from Mars or something.

    Any of you child-free nurses out there experience similar things?

    Do you feel pressured to defend your position at times?

    An unbalanced CNA once actually told me "You are a communist if you don't have children. The bible says the end of the world will be caused by women who don't have kids because they just want careers."

    I knew there was no point in trying to explain anything to this person, and didn't respond.

    I am interested in hearing about what you have to say about being "child-free by choice."
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  2. 66 Comments

  3. by   hapeewendy
    while I'm not childfree by choice , I want kids, want a husband too ,but this isnt the wendles wish list thread *although, that would make a great thread hehe* , right now I am single, and obviously no kids , and I get asked all the time about my "status"
    do you have kids? - hmmm nope
    are you married ? - hmmmm nope again
    oh why? - uhhhh cuz I havent met a man that I would entertain sharing a piece of gum with ,nevermind the whole sperm-egg connection
    well how old are you? - 26
    oh better get started - yeah okay cuz we are still in victorian times where everyone had babies by 12 -15 years of age

    that CNA is nothing but unbalanced, you should have responded with something like "well i happen to believe that the end of the world will be caused by the mass murdering of people who do nothing but spew forth stupid and incorrect information"

    some people want children
    some dont
    its just that simple

    whats better? to procreate just for procreations sake and then resent your children? or to realize that you dont have the desire to be a parent and live your own life to the fullest without regret?
  4. by   RNonsense
    Helllllllllo nurse...I'm horrified people would actually say that to you!!!
    And the CNA...well, that's just nuts.
    There is a group here called "No Kidding" that I think is international...I believe they have info how to deal with rude questions/people.
  5. by   caroladybelle
    At 38 - I am unmarried and childless - and probably going to be for life.

    I raised my niece for 8 years.

    I,too, get tired of the questions, but just put up with it.
  6. by   rreed
    36 here, married for over 10 yrs and NO kids.
    don't plan on any and don't want any, end of que.

    oh yeah, I get the same all the time.....Why are you not having kids? (just don't want any)
    I never go to family or church baby showers, that is the worst place to get the.......what is wrong with you for not having kids type questions?

    I love to travel too much and go on a spur of a moments notice and with kids, I think that would be a little harder.


    Rachel



    www.pbase.com/rach1966
  7. by   NurseRachy
    I don't ever plan on having kids either.... people say that it is only because i am 21 and enjoy the impulsive/ party lifestyle and like many things this desire to have kids will come with time.... but seriously, will it?? It is not that i don't like kids- i love them, but i also like to give them back to their parents.
    People have accused me of being selfish, but i am under the impression it is more selfish to bring kids into the world when i don't really want any. Even as a little girl with my dolls i was always the aunty, never the mum.
    I say everyone to their own...
    Rachel
  8. by   Nurse Ratched
    I get less of that over time, partly I think because it bothers me less, if that makes any sense. It used to really annoy me. When I said at 16 I didn't want kids, people laughed and said I'd change my mind. At 31, I still don't want kids. The response I get more commonly now is "good for you - there are a lot of people that have kids that shouldn't. If you know you don't want them, you shouldn't have them."

    Did you ask your unbalanced CNA why she was at work instead of home raising her kids? (Evilevilevil I know - and totally NOT a slam against mothers who also work outside the home - just that particular freak lol .) If she's older and her kids are grown, she should be aware that in "the old days" women croaked as soon as their childbearing years were up.
  9. by   emily_mom
    I'm a Mom (i know, pretty hard to figure that one out), and I don't think there's anything wrong with not having children. I would rather see people with no kids than with just to please others while dying inside. Many people have children for selfish reasons (someone to love them, etc...). I have many friends whose only kids are their dogs. They get to travel, come home to a clean house, and have quiet time. Sometimes, I'm quite jealous of that. But, I wouldn't trade my life for anything, as I'm sure none of you would (cept Wendy).

    And Wendy, you'll never meet a nice doctor or resident at work if you continue to work SARS floor! Hon, your day will come. Look at LV. She found love when not looking.

    That CNA was just rude. I'd like to know where in the bible she spews forth her lies. Did you make her empty bedpans all day?
  10. by   baseline
    I also have no children. By choice. I am a great person, but I would be a lousey parent. I know this in my heart. I don't want one. I feel no guilt whatsoever, and if anyone thinks less of me for that, I reccomend they adopt a few.

    I am not inclined to worry too much about what others think of me......which in turn tends to annoy those people that think I should care.......... :-)
  11. by   nurseman
     I'm 28 and single I do want kids but haven't had any yet. When people ask me why I don't
    have a wife/girlfriend/family yet I tell I'm a strong believer in arranged marriages but I still haven't
    convinced my parents of that. It seems to work better than "I haven't found the right girl yet"
  12. by   frannybee
    Nosy Patient - "Are you married? Do you have any kids?"

    Snarky Franny - "No, I'm living in sin and I'm infertile."

    Shuts em up every time.
  13. by   hapeewendy
    I wouldnt trade my life for anything
    I would however change my geographic location
    and some of the people I have to deal with on a daily basis..

    and the kid I saw at the drugstore today made me want to purchase every form of birth control known to humankind ......yes even that horrible female condom
    talk about holy terror , if anyone EVER asks you why you dont have/want kids, lemme know, I'll try to "book" this kid to make an appearance.......
  14. by   delirium
    I don't have kids. Of course, I'm a lesbian and conceiving a child would be a bit of an inconvenience, but there are plenty who have done it.

    Seriously, when I was younger I didn't want kids because I was sick all the time. I didn't want to pass on my jacked up genes to anyone else, I didn't want to die before my kid graduated from high school or something.

    Now, well, I'm still sick. But life is cool. I have animals that I love and consider my babies, I'm in love with my significant other... my life is complete without kids. I won't have them out of some sense of obligation. I think if the only people that had children were people who really, really wanted them and were committed to their future, society would be much different.

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