atheletic scholarship- advice needed stat!

  1. Ok guys, here is the scenario:

    Took 20 years for my husband to get his BS degree in business. I went to school for my ADN at the age of 38. Live from pay check to paycheck. Never hungry, but fragile web of financial stability. No cruises, hot tubs, 3 bedroom ranch-you get the picture.

    Dghter #1 in college- self driven, way above average student bordering on genius. 3rd year major biomedical university. Financial aid and student loans-works and almost never asks for a thing cept tuition and books.

    Dgter #3 freshman in HS- talented swimmer, good-great student

    Okay- Dgter #2, good-great student, good great athlete, learned a long time ago to fly under the radar, but has performed well enough to glean 3 offers for athletic scholarships. #1 NCS with a 40%, probably would have to work, the award would take the place of some student loans. Our cost= prob $10,000 year. She likes the school. Visited.

    #2 VaTech- sight unseen has offered 50% tuition, prob to cover student loans and wouldn't have to hold down job too.

    #3 Mich State offers full tuition, books, et al. She visited, liked the coach and team, not particularly the school and weather.

    Dilemma: Daughter #2 doesn't want to go the Mich State. The offer just came yesterday and we have til Wed 12M to sign. Worst case scenario she doesn't sign, has a mediocre year or an injury and no offers will stand for the second signing period.

    My take: strongly encourage her to take the 100% offer. It is guaranteed barring arrest or academic failure. For 4 years. I think she should buck up and take it. I mean her dad works two jobs and all the time. This choice will not only build character but would be a source of pride that she did it this way. She doen't do real well in winter , but she was never an outdoor person, what difference would it make if she was down south? It is not a life sentence, but a four year opportunity-it is what she makes of it.

    Is this a no brainer?
  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   Youda
    You are looking at this in entirely financial terms. And, yup, that's a biggy when it comes to trying to put a kid through college. But, before I offer my oh-so-wise opinion , I want to ask what your daughter's major is, and which school has the better department in her major, if known.
  4. by   cargal
    That is one of my considerations as she really doesn't know what she will major in!\

  5. by   llg
    Tough question ... and I hate to "but in" to someone else's family business -- but that seems to be what you want.

    How has your daughter reacted to being forced to do something she hates in the past? If she is the kind of person who responds well to that situation, it might work out to go to Michigan State. However, some people rebel when coerced to do something they really don't want to do. If her feelings about not liking MSU are strong, forcing her to go there might lead her to do badly in school.

    My gut says, "Don't force her to go somewhere where she will really be unhappy." If my parents had not respected my wishes about some of those big life decisions, I would have had a hard tme forgiving them.

    Encourage her to do the sensible thing ... help her see the financial advantages of MSU and look for the good in the school. She can always transfer out if she is REALLY miserable there. But I wouldn't force her if her negative feelings are really strong.

    Just my $.02,
  6. by   2banurse
    I realize that you want to do the best for your daughter, but unless she really wants to go to college at this time, I think that you are wasting a lot of time. You have done what you can, she will have to make the decision. Also as much as you would probably love for her to go to college now, it might not be the right time for her.

    she has to realize that she will have to make some sacrifices herself. She can go for the full-scholarship and grin and bear it, she could go to one of the others and work part-time to make up the difference if she really want to go to school, or puts off college and goes to work full-time.

    As they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

    Good luck!
  7. by   cargal
    Oh 2banurse,
    She does want to go to college, it is just which one? We really don't have the money for the others. If this offer didn't come in for the full ride, we would suck it up and take out more loans we can't afford. We need to dig a new well as we have no water and we can't afford that. Money IS the issue here.
  8. by   Youda
    Cargal, you have to understand my basic philosophy about kids and "others" before I say anything. I am mostly danish, heart, mind and soul. So many of my attitudes come from that homeland, and are very contrary to typical "American" attitudes.

    Children are treated as just smaller adults; little adults with their own personalities, likes and dislikes, goals and dreams, past and future. So, in general, a dane wouldn't try to coax or persuade a child to do one thing or another, because that would be what the PARENTS felt was right, not what the little adult (child) feels is right.

    Speaking from this philosophy, I would suggest that you lay out the financial problems with the daughter. Show her how much you can contribute per year. Any deficit in meeting the financial needs, she will have to resolve herself either by finding more scholarships or grants (not loans because you can't afford to do this) and/or by working. She will need to understand clearly that if she chooses to go to a school that does not offer a full scholarship, she may need to work, and show her the time commitment that this would involve, and how it would be likely to infringe on her sports, study time, and fun with friends. It is a lesson in economics that she needs here. If she is willing to make that sacrifice, then it's her decision and her cross to carry.
  9. by   cargal
    Thanks Youda.
    I want to give her choices, but the choices are not so attractive. Is it my job as a parent to make everything right, even when it would be detrimental to our finances? Also, what if the ecomomy got worse? What if her father and I divorced? Wouldn't it be wisest to go with the paid educational route? Time to grow up, I say! I also think she is fortunate to get this opportunity. Alot of people come out of college with alot of debt.

  10. by   Youda
    You are still thinking about rescuing her from the results of her decisions. To allow children to grow up, they have to also experience the consequences of their decisions, both the good and the bad. When you show her what you can afford, that's ALL you can afford. If something happens that you can no longer contribute that much, then that's a consequences of her decision, isn't it? If your circumstances change, it doesn't mean that you will change your mind and give more, it means that you will give LESS, and she needs to understand this. It means she has to take responsibility for the results of her decisions, if she chooses to go to a school that doesn't offer a full scholarship.
  11. by   ptnurse
    When I first started reading your post, Cargal, everything in me said if you force this child into a situation because of finances my bet would be that she would not finish college because she resents the situation. However Youda has made a very good case for the idea of treating your daughter like a young adult. Lay the finances and all the details out for her and then leave the subject alone until she lets you know what she has decided. It will never work either way unless she "ownes" the decision.
  12. by   cindyln
    I would have her go where she wants to go and supplement the atheletic scholarship with student loans that she will pay back after she graduates.That is how we worked college out for my children.You want her to be happy where she is at so that she will stay there and complete the education.
  13. by   dianacs
    Why do you feel obligated, as the parent, to take out loans? Why not present your daughter the option of taking out a loan herself? It's great that you want to help her out as much as you can, but I'm of the school of thinking that (young) adults need to help themselves. Also, and none of my business, you mentioned the (remote?) possibility of divorce between you and your husband. Is it perhaps because he works so much to pay for the college educations that you never spend time together? Finally, are you and your husband saving for retirement? Your kids can get their own loans or work for college expenses, but you can't get loans for retirement! Anyway, sounds like you've got a talented bunch of kids. Good luck.
  14. by   Mkue
    I wanted my oldest son to go to Ohio State, .. he chose a closer State University, very diversified, excellent instructors, a real "college town".. he's a sophomore now and he's really happy.

    Our main concern was that he chose a college that he would feel comfortable with and focus on his major. Some of his friends from Ohio State actually transferred to his college this fall.

    Maybe your daughter could take another look at Mich State. Could she possibly know anyone from your area that attends Mich State? Would it help if someone on the "team" spoke with her? Maybe another new recruit who has just signed on or is thinking about it. Maybe there is more to offer at Mich State than meets the eye.

    Good Luck, let us know how things turn out