As you slide down the banister of Life . . .

  1. As You Slide Down The Banister Of Life, Remember.........

    1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."

    2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

    3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

    4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

    5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

    6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

    7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

    8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

    9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

    10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

    11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

    12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."

    13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

    14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.




    REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL
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  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   Spidey's mom
    The first thing I thought of was splinters. . . . .


    I relate mostly with the following:

    13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.



    steph
  4. by   Jessy_RN
  5. by   Tweety
    OMG! That was too funny. So glad I wasn't drinking coffee because it would be all over the screen.
  6. by   sjb2005
    Oh that is good.

    At the grocery store, ya know how they ask you....paper or plastic.
    We tell them we are bi-sack-tual...so either is fine....lol
    Always gets them to laughing.

    Minnesota friendly....it gets to ya somtimes!

    That's hubby's joke...he is the KING OF CLOWNS. I'm just a class clown (clown in training) and his bystander.
  7. by   SouthernLPN2RN
    Dianah, that's hilarious!!
  8. by   babynurselsa
    Dianah,
    That was great.
    #8 is sooooo my dh.
    #9 is my dream.
  9. by   bethin
    OMG #6

    hehehehehehe

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