1. How is it possible to be SO frustrated with someone you love SO much?
    My auntie V is driving me nuts! She's 86 years old, very needy, always miserable. She went to the doc who told her she had some fluid in her lungs, now she thinks her lungs are swimming pools and she's developed this dramatic, hacking cough she didn't have before.
    So I'm off to take her to be x-rayed.
    She desperately wants to live with us. I can't have that yet... I'm trying to see if she can make it to the end of her lease in the senior apartment building she's in.
    I love her, nothing is more important than family, I'd do anything to help her... but she's tap-dancing on my last nerve today. I called her and she sounded so godawful pitiful.
    Just wanted to vent, thanks for listening (reading?).
  2. 17 Comments

  3. by   BadBird
    I don't have any words of wisedom just a big {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}} for you.
  4. by   oramar
    Godbless people who are caregivers at home for the sick and the elderly. Come and vent here anytime.
  5. by   ayemmeff
    Originally posted by delirium
    . but she's tap-dancing on my last nerve today.
    I *love* this quote.

    And I'm really sorry your Aunty V is giving you the irrits! Breathe deep and count to 10 before you do anything rash!
  6. by   oldgirl
    Go ahead and VENT! My Dad went through a period a few years ago of dramatic physical complaints, with deterioration of mental status. Guess what--depression! It was a look haul and several med adjustments, but he is now a pleasure to spend time with again. Physically he was and is fine. You have to get it out of your system, and don't feel the least bit guilty. If we didn't love them, they wouldn't bug us do much!
  7. by   JonRN
    If we didn't love them, they wouldn't bug us do much! [/B][/QUOTE]

    This is true! We have all been through it as our family gets older, hang in there Reb.
  8. by   Tweety
    Hugs to you. It's so difficult to decide what is attention getting manipulation and true complaints, or a combination there of. Complicated by love beyond measure.

    Good luck.
  9. by   renerian
    You are very kind to help your auntie! Hugs to you for caring for her,

  10. by   hoolahan
    Ask the doc to send out a home health nurse. This will help get the info to the doc that is needed, maybe get her a home health aide for a few weeks while she is feeling less than herself, and it will give her some attention from an unbiased person. We can't help but get frustrated w our loved ones, esp the elderly sometimes, we are only human.

    Maybe the nurse or you could call the local dept of aging, can recommend some alternatives like a live-in helper so she won't be alone, or adult medical daycare, these things are expensive, but can be a big help.

    I think sometimes they just need to know that someone thinks about them and worries for them, and it takes the burden off of you for as little while if the visting nurses can do it, and it meets her needs as well.

    I could vent about my grandma, but it wears me down to just talk about it!
  11. by   Jay-Jay
    My sympathies, Reb. I'm going through the same thing with my aging parents (mom's 90, dad's a year younger) and it's tough, real tough. With my patients, I can be detached and professional, but when it comes to mom and dad, I just wanna cry!

    Actually, that's not a bad idea sometimes...

    (Jane who just finished a 11 hour day, put 130 km. on the car odometer, has a sinus infection, and really needs to drive 20 miles out to the west end of Toronto to adjust Mom's coumadin dose..... )

    And homecare??? HAH! Yeah, they'll go in and fill the dossette, but after a couple of visits, they'll expect the family or the patient to take over.... Teach and discharge, that's what we do, until the government comes to its senses and gives homecare the funding it deserves! (As if that's going to happen any time soon!)

    Hmm... gotta be some way I can get the CCAC to PAY me for being my mother's nurse...
    Last edit by Jay-Jay on Feb 13, '03
  12. by   Mkue
    Originally posted by hoolahan

    I could vent about my grandma, but it wears me down to just talk about it!
    I can relate to that.
  13. by   kids
    Originally posted by 3rdShiftGuy
    Hugs to you. It's so difficult to decide what is attention getting manipulation and true complaints, or a combination there of. Complicated by love beyond measure.

    Good luck.
    My thoughts exactly

    And huge doses of sympathy for you.

    And now I am going to hi-jack your thread to do a little ranting of my own...

    My Mom has non-small cell lung Ca...dx last March...on chemo most of the time since (short remission over the summer) hospital last week with a plural effusion (they tapped it)...Doc wrote a script for home wont pay for it...SpO2 on room air while ambulating was 94% (ABGs are also good) airway obstructions on CT and MRI...she REFUSES to go home without O2...they were going to send her to a SNF so the O2 would be covered and she could get a little PT/OT for conservation and endurance...was fine with me...they had to sedate her for agitation when they tried to discussed it with her. I am now paying $250 a month for an O2 concentrator and E tanks at she can sat at 100% on 1 lpm.

    Over the past week (since she got out of the hospital) Mom has gotten more and more confused (norm is some VERY mild short term memory loss), is unsteady on her feet and has been complaining that all she does is sleep all of the time. Today I got suspicious and did count all of her meds and discovered she has taken 46 (fourty-six) 25mg Benedryl in the past 7 days...but has not goofed up ANY of her other meds (Paxil, MS Contin, prednisone & MVI).

    I took her Benedryl away.

    BTW...she qualifies for COPES (meal prep & light house keeping) 20 hours/week PLUS a bath aide 2Xweek PLUS a nurse to come in 2X week to set up meds, check O2 sats etc...she REFUSES...tells everyone that her "daughter is a nurse and doesn't mind taking care of me"...well, I hate to say it but YES I DO MIND, I know it sounds cruel but I spend 4 hours a day there AND get an average of 20 (twenty) phone calls a day from her, I can't discribe what it is like to get a call from her (caller ID) and hear the phone go thunk and no one answers at 3 I go flying over there in my PJs, expecting the worst to have her tell me "oh, did I call you? I must have bumped the auto dial"...every time I even suggest getting help in she has a hissy fit, calls 911 and gets herself an ER visit. She has begrudgingly agree to move into an assisted living when her lease is up 3/31 if (and only if) I can find one that will let her keep her cat.

    I love my Mom beyond reason but it is all pretty hard to take when she has admitted to exagerating and manipulating to get attention several times in the past...including doing the same stunt with Compazine that she has pulled with the Benedryl. I swear I am ready to call Adult Protective Services but am afraid I would get myself in trouble...there is almost no food in her house other than snacks and sandwitch stuff because I cook and deliver 3 meals a day and heaven only knows when she last showered because she refuses to let me do it no matter how bad she needs it (but the house is clean).

    In the words of Reb: "Arrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh!"

    I now return you to Rebecca's thread.
    Last edit by kids on Feb 13, '03
  14. by   oldgirl
    To all of us who have dealt with, or are dealing with this kind of stuff--HUGS all the way around. And it is OK to cry too.