Are HIS friends also YOUR friends?

  1. The wife of one of my husbands co-workers called last night to invite us to a wedding shower next week, for both the guys and girls. I know my husband wants to go because they are his buddies from work. But I have never really felt like I fit into this group, and for the most part they annoy me. I have really tried at past get togethers to get to know the others and find something in common with them, but it has just never clicked. At the last get together, I was so annoyed with certain behaviors, I thought "This is it! No more! I can't stand this!"

    I have no desire to be around these people, yet they are a tight group at hubbys work. When I mentioned to him that I didn't want to go, he looked a little hurt and asked why. I haven't told him that I can't stand his friends.

    Not sure what I'm going to do. I'm tired of faking it when we are around these people. Normally my hubby goes out with them by himself, but this is an expected husband/wife thing. I am tired, burnt out from school and other personal problems, and just don't feel like doing something that will make me more miserable than I already am. But hubby doesn't ask me to do much for him, and these get togethers only occur about every 2 - 3 months.
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  2. 36 Comments

  3. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    My advice to you is not to go. Why do something and waste your valuable time if it's going to make you miserable?

    As for your question, hubby and I have virtually no mutual friends. Sometimes I like it that way, sometimes I don't.
  4. by   Angelica
    I don't have any good advice to offer you, but if it were me I would definitely not go. Life is too short--why do things that make you miserable if you can avoid them? Besides, your time could be better spent. You could spend the day treating yourself to something special (you deserve it, and it sounds like you could really use it about now). Good luck!
  5. by   GraceyB
    My boyfriend and his co-workers are tight friends. My problem is no the guys but the guys' girlfriends. One is particular is extremely immature and all she cares about is what labels people are wearing. I have learned to ignore them and have a good time at the party talking to anyone else I can find. Introduce yourself to other people in the group and have a good time. Think about it, if you want him to do something with your friends, he might turn it around on you and say that you don't like his friends so why should he like yours. Men do that.
  6. by   SingingNurse2
    I would go, if for no other reason than I may need him to return the favor one day.

    My husband and I have the understanding that we go to each other's "things" and whoever's "thing" it isn't gets to choose when we leave. That way, when the misery gets to be too much - he has to leave without a complaint.

    It's worked great for nearly 20 years! :kiss Good Luck!
  7. by   phn92
    Originally posted by SingingNurse2
    I would go, if for no other reason than I may need him to return the favor one day.

    My husband and I have the understanding that we go to each other's "things" and whoever's "thing" it isn't gets to choose when we leave. That way, when the misery gets to be too much - he has to leave without a complaint.

    It's worked great for nearly 20 years! :kiss Good Luck!
    I totally agree! My husband's friends really don't get together very often, I usually can tolerate most of them. He actually likes my friends better! Have some kind of signal set up so you can let him know you have had enough!
  8. by   emily_mom
    I wouldn't go. I'd stay here with your allnurse buddies.... We're a lot more fun and won't serve you bean dip at the cyber bar....
  9. by   Robin61970
    I would go....it's not all the time and it seems like it would cause more problems not to go. There are a couple of my hubby's friends that I nearly hate, but I am cordial to them when they would come over because it was easier than a huge marital battle...it wasn't that often so....
  10. by   RNonsense
    You need your own friends, he needs his own friends, and once in awhile I guess it's good to do things as couples. If you really can't stand them maybe tell your hubby how you feel...
  11. by   Disablednurse
    I would go and as singingnurse suggested have a signal between the two of you that will let him know when you have had enough. No need to cause a conflict if you can avoid it. It will only be for a short time and just think how pleased he will be.
  12. by   BadBird
    We have mutual friends and seperate friends. If you know that you won't enjoy yourself just don't go, send him off and go enjoy yourself with your other friends.
  13. by   TX Guy
    RN2BCNC

    It's so nice that you care about your husbands feelings!

    I would like to see you not go. But recommend you discuss this problem with him as it's not going to go away.

    Who knows, maybe he'll be OK with it and he can just say your not feeling well or something.

    If it makes you feel better just do something special for him to make up for it.

    Paul
  14. by   renerian
    Time is valuable, tell huby your just not interested but he is free to go. Hubby and I have separate friends. We know no couples. We do things separately.

    renerian

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