anyone help please!

  1. Hey there
    So I have been with my bf for over a year now. He does anythingggg for me, but he is very over possesive
    Anyhow he is very into me, and we talk about getting engaged very soon..
    but I dont get that feeling with him, I dont think I am very physically attracted to him anymore.
    What should I do?
    It would kill him if I break up with him...
    and what if Im jumping to conclusions and I do really want him????
    I always feel like I want to meet someone else
    I dont know...
    Anyone please help with this type of experience.
    Thanks
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  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   Mama Val
    When in doubt, STOP and THINK !!!
    Don't do anything your not really sure about , if that little voice in the back of your head is screaming at the top of her lungs then I think you should listen to her. Take a break and if this is true love it will still be there. I know this is something everybody says but its is true but in that piece of advice you have to remember this is thinking time, not go out and fool around time or your really not ready.
  4. by   Nurse Ratched
    A few things about your post strike me.

    "He's very over-possessive."

    "He's very into me."

    "It would kill him if I broke up with him."

    These statements concern me in that they are often uttered by women who may be later abused by these same loving, over-possessive, dying-to-be-with-them men.

    All that aside, if you don't love him, then you shouldn't marry him. Nor should you spend anymore time progressing toward what appears to be an inevitability of marriage in his mind. I agree with MamaVal. Stop. Think. Too many women get married because it seems like the thing to do. ("We've been going out for a while and he asked, so we did." Probably a big chunk of the reason the divorce rate is so high.)

    If you take a break and you suddenly have some epiphany that he is the greatest thing that ever happened to you and you were a fool to nearly let him go, then fine. But if not, get on with your life. Stop and think about the kind of man you really want to spend your life with. What values are so dear to you that you are unwilling to compromise them?

    Good luck with your decision.
  5. by   Tweety
    You have a take the time to listen to your heart.

    Doesn't sound like you're ready to commit to a long-term relationship at this time.
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I would ask myself WHAT DO I WANT? and pursue it. You will regret making a hasty decision, my friend. Good luck.
  7. by   caroladybelle
    [QUOTE]Originally posted by noeljan222
    He does anythingggg for me, but he is very over possesive
    Anyhow he is very into me, and we talk about getting engaged very soon..
    but I dont get that feeling with him, I dont think I am very physically attracted to him anymore.
    It would kill him if I break up with him...
    and what if Im jumping to conclusions and I do really want him????
    I always feel like I want to meet someone else
    I dont know..


    Everything above screams to me "GET OUT".

    If we as nurses heard this from a patient, we would be obtaining some interventional support for them fast.

    Seek assistance .. from family/friends/us/psych/spiritual counselor/legal avenues/local woman's center .. but get help soon.


    My thoughts are with you.
  8. by   renerian
    First listen to your instincts. Maybe you could try and take some time for yourself alone and see if you like it, if you miss him and it would give you some time to sort out your feelings. A person who is possesive is also very scarey to me.

    renerian
  9. by   BadBird
    I think you know in your heart the answer to your question. I realize that you don't want to hurt his feelings but he deserves someone to love him and much as he loves them and so do you.
  10. by   kittyw
    Take some time away from him to clear your head and think. You'll be much clearer thinking if you're not with him constantly....

    The above posters have some really good advice ... possessive men are scary...
  11. by   hoolahan
    PLEASE don't marry someone b/c you feel sorry for him, that he would be devastated if you broke up with him. You would be setting yourself up for a life time of misery. When you get married, you will be bound legally, FINANCIALLY, and otherwise.

    Plus I agree 100% w everything nurse Ratched said, please re-read her post, what she has said bears repeating!
  12. by   Youda
    I'm so sorry you're having this turmoil. Dating sucks!

    Slow it down some.
    Definitely agree with "stop and think."

    Also remember, that distance and a slow down will NOT hurt a good relationship; but it will hurt a bad relationship.

    If he loves you as much as he says, then he will be more interested in your concerns, need to slow down, taking time to think. If he puts his own insecurity (possessiveness) above your needs, then he doesn't really love you at all, but just wants the security of being able to control you.

    Be careful here. This one sounds like it's a disaster waiting to happen. BTW: also agree that as hokey as it sounds, you won't have these questions and feelings when it's REAL love and the RIGHT one for you.

    Take care of yourself. {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}
  13. by   tattooednursie
    I have no expiriance in that field. I suggest go with your gut feeling. That Is what I would do.
  14. by   maureeno
    I am glad you are seeking help and hope you are lnfluenced by the wisdom offered by mama val, nurse Ratched, and hoolihan.

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