anyone going through a divorce?

  1. I cannot believe that my husband served me papers during my last semester of nursing school. Two years ago, we came to the conclusion that our marriage was not going to last, after counceling. He asked me not to take action right away bacause it wasn't the "right time " for him. So I agreed, especiallly since I was a stay at home mom and in NSG school. I figured we could hold it together until I get a job and could give my child a decent home close to where we live now, the purpose being to being to continue being in the same school system, etc. But, after Christmas break, right before my last semester, I was served with divorce papers.A total SHOCK! My anxiety level since then and a feeling of depression have elevated. I feel he did this to sabbotage my goal and to make me fail at what I am trying to achieve. I think I am developing A-fib! Because I am consumed with feelings of uncertaincy(we still live together) and I am trying to act "normal" in front of the kids-I am afraid of losing it! I am on the last leg of nursing school and I am totally stressed! Now I have the feeling that I HAVE to keep it together, but it is sooo hard! I have been disolving into tears for no apparent reason, I am scared I won't graduate, and I only have 6 or so weeks. What if I break! What if I can't handle it all? I am so scared and I have been so strong up to this point. Please pray for me, that is all I ask!
    Liz
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  2. 19 Comments

  3. by   Beverage
    Hang in there sugar, you're sooo close to your goal. Doing well is the best revenge =)
  4. by   cherokeesummer
    I agree, hang in there, it is almost done and you will be on your way to a new life. Has he said anything to you since you are living in the same house?

    Keep trucking and I know you will do great. Success is your option. You are entitled to your feelings though so at night when you are home go in your room and have a good cry if you need it.

    But you will make it for your sake and your childs. HUGS!
  5. by   CRNI-ICU20
    Oh Honey Lump!!
    He's a LOSER!! Dump his sorry butt, and go out there....get your nursing degree....and show him what a BIG MISTAKE it was to ever consider letting you go....
    My children's father did the same thing to me in the middle of nursing school twenty years ago....and now he wishes he wouldn't have....he married his flakey therapist....and now she's takin' him to the cleaners....HA!
    Life is funny....and sad...
    I am sorry he is trying so hard to sabotage you...but, YOU MUST CONCENTRATED ON YOUR OWN SELF RIGHT NOW....AND NOT TRY TO ANALZYE, DISSECT, OR EVEN TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY THAT MAN PERSON IN YOUR LIFE IS DOING WHAT HE IS DOING...
    You have a child to think of....get out there and be the best mother and nurse you were meant to be...
    What you need is all inside you....
    Don't let him rattle your cage....he's just a fool with no common sense....
    and selfish to boot...(sorry if that hurts you to hear someone say that about someone you once loved...)
    But the fact is, he's thinkin' of himself here....and he has a bad sense of timin'....dont'cha' think??
    You will get through this....and one day , you will look back....and you will have to think long and hard when you try to remember his name!!
    Ha!
    My prayers are with you....
    Make sure you are safe....when someone leaves...it's a dangerous time....
    go ahead...give him what he wants....
    You will be better off....
    Make sure you and your child are safe....and make sure he shares in the responsibilities...
    You won't break....
    You are a nurse....and nurse's never flinch....we just aim a little better next time....
    Love to you,
    CRNI
  6. by   Halinja
    Ouch!

    I know you're in for a rocky 6 weeks. But dang, when its done you will have your degree!!! And your freedom! I agree with beverage, Doing well is the best revenge! You are going to do well. Any time you feel like you are going down...think how pleased he might be to have you fail...and don't let it happen.

    Our divorce started when I moved to the new town where I was going to go to nursing school. It ended officially (court) a few months into that first year. And now I'm only weeks from graduating. If I can do it (I was a bowl of jello for a while) you can do it!
  7. by   CRNI-ICU20
    sorry...I just re-read my post....and after one glass of wine...I AM JUST A WEAVING KEYBOARDER.......IS THERE A PENALTY FOR THAT??
    KEYBOARDING UNDER THE INFLUENCE...
    What I meant to say was: YOU NEED TO CONCENTRATE ON YOUR SELF NOW....NOT CONCENTRATED....(LIKE THE ORANGE JUICE...)
    oH...HECK...i M SOOO BUZZED....HEHEHEHE
  8. by   kate1969
    I can tell you exactly why he wanted to wait....it happened to me while I was in school, if you would have divorced while you were in school, he would have had to pay more support to you for the children you share, ( I assume you have children together, I just skimmed that part of your post, sorry). Once you get out in the field and start making money, the amount of money he pays you in support goes down, at least it does in my state. The courts take a percentage of what both of you make, seperately, and if you work more than part time, you get less support for your kids. Sad to say, but the courts decide how much it will take to support your kids, and if you make even 10$ more than he does per month, you contribute that much more to your kids support than he...My child support would have went down when I started working full time because I made more per hour/week/month than he did.. lucky for me, he was already behind in his child support....
    if you are about to make more money per month than your soon-to-be ex, he will pay you less!! and that's why he waited...
    Don't give him credit sister...he doesn't deserve it...
    those men talk, and they learn from other men who have been through it, he'll probably deny it all when confronted, but I'm here to tell you the TRUTH....
    they only stay amicable until it gets closer to "ring" time, then they put the gloves on and fight with full force, but its not only the men, I've seen women do it too...
    just remember, when it comes down to child support, no matter what the courts deem he pays, make each payment go through the court system, do not, I repeat, DO NOT allow him to give you the money directly, and if you can do it right away, have it taken out of his check...
    Just to open your eyes, don't allow him to drive a Taxi cab for a living, you'll never see a dime of your child support because they work for cash under the table as a "sub-contractor"...the courts, the child support enforcement of my state and my attorney all agree, they can do nothing to help me get the money that's due me...I'm stuck...
    YOU CAN LEARN A LOT FROM A DUMMY!!! ********WARNING*******TAKE HEED****
    I wouldn't lie to a sister...turn your whole heart cold right now, get your nsg degree and license, go to work, work overtime and kick his a$$ from the start....you can get the divorce continued at least until you get through school and at this point you can still make him pay 100% if all the divorce costs..if you have custody of the children, you get to make the call, make it now, don't settle and don't, don't please don't give in to him, you'll be sorry...
    I did it, I let him get away with all of it, and now, my kids hate him...
    they tell me, "dad can't afford to pay child support, he doesn't make any money and you make enough!!!" they moved out of my home and in with him so that he wouldn't have to pay for them anymore...I still have one at home, but he has 2...my 2 girls won't talk to me and they haven't since 15 months ago....now, I'm paying $300 a month for insurance for all the kids and I get no child support...
    please take this seriously....FINISH SCHOOL, THEN FIGHT!!
    then after you're done with all that, mourn the death of your marriage...
    I've been there!!
    I regret being too nice...
    katie....
  9. by   kate1969
    sorry, I meant to say my kids hate "me", not him..
  10. by   lisabeth
    I am very sorry. He could have had the decency to wait till you were through, but he decided to throw the first punch, and at a time that hurt you the most.
    Divorce is hard enough without having to make it durring nursing school. Just remember, just as one of the other posters said, her husband regretted doing what he did, what comes around goes around.
    Good luck in your last semester, and best of luck to you when it is all over. We really are stronger than what we think. I have been through it, and it is really hard, but you will be ok. Right now it is hard to see that, but I promise you, you will thrive. I also want to advise you to make child support go through the courts.
  11. by   JenMarie82
    First off, I'm SO sorry! I'm 6 weeks into the same thing right now. I was the one that filed for divorce, but that's only because he moved out and emptied all of our bank accounts. You CAN do this! I actually was worried that it would affect my grades, but I just figured them out and I'm getting all As. Remember to take time for yourself when you need it, and vent to your friends whenever necessary or seek counseling for yourself if you feel it will benefit you. Even if you are being strong for your children, it's going to catch up with you eventually. Good luck!
  12. by   WDWpixieRN
    Best wishes....but DON'T try being a nice guy; don't let him get out of his responsibilities; and don't you DARE let him take this dream away from you NOW!! Read up on divorce laws; talk to everyone you know; get as much advice as you can and FIND THE BEST LAWYER YOU CAN!! Do NOT use the same attorney, particularly since you have kids. THIS IS THE TIME THAT YOU MUST PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN -- PERIOD.

    And if you can get a deferment on any proceedings until you're out of school; I'd definitely see about going that route.

    Please, please, take care of and protect yourself and your children.
  13. by   lisabeth
    Yes, I would tell your lawyer to delay things as long as possible. There are all kinds of reasons to delay things, and attys can find them. I woudnt dare use the same atty cause that atty would really be working for him. He talked to him/her, so they are HIS atty.
    I worked for lawyers for 5 years. I know each state has different laws, but dont try to work things out together on something like this. He has already showed his true colors, and he is NOT thinking about you in any way. The only thing that matters to him is him.
    After Christmas is so typical for filing for divorce. I find it hard to believe he not have waited 6 more months though?
    Last edit by lisabeth on Apr 9, '07
  14. by   mixyRN
    Liz, I just prayed for you and your children. I will continue to keep you in my prayers!

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