Anger at hubby

  1. This has nothing to do with nursing- just venting personal BS. I am so angry that I am starting to feel insane.

    Fiancee is drinking again. Not that he has EVER admitted that he has a prob but I guess since he drinks wine it is no biggie. But, he turns into a raving as*hol* and I just can't take it. Drinks a bottle a night- swears it is just like everyone else. I don't do that!

    Lies, lies, lies! There was a female at his work- thank god she is gone now. I feel funny when he talks about her but do not know why. One day I call and the secretary says sorry he is out- who is this? I say who and she says, he's gone for a DRIVE with this woman. I ask him about it later and he lies to my face all evening until I tell him I know. Then suddenly I am the bad guy- "I was just driving her home" "you are over reacting", etc.

    I am about 20-30 lbs overweight and this has always been a very sore issue for me. Fiancee swears he loves me and I look good, BUT:

    He yells at me almost every time I eat anything, says how disgusting it is and makes faces. Makes me feel sooooooooo small. He could order pizza and call me disgusting if I have more than one slice as he polishes off an entire pizza!

    This is making me feel so low, I end up eating in private to spite him and where does that get me? Nowhere!!!

    Complains he has a hard life, he is so hard done by- I go to school, do laundry, take care of Brianna, take care of the bills, do homework, make meals, go to doctor's appointments and other appointments and get up every day before 7am 7 days a week with my daughter and NEVER get to sleep in and HE has it hard.

    I am sorry for those that do not want too hear this but I need to vent to someone that does not know me. I hate getting family or friends involved. I am sooooooooo at the end of my rope and tired of feeling worthless. Did I mention the avid collection of porn that makes me feel bad too, but he does not care.

    So close to throwing my ring as far as I can and running for dear life:angryfire

    Only worry about my daughter and how she would feel. Wonder if there is a point where I should wory more about myself?
  2. Visit ferfer profile page

    About ferfer

    Joined: Feb '04; Posts: 63; Likes: 9


  3. by   Katnip
    Throw and run. Throw and run.

    If your daughter is seeing how you're being treated, it sure isn't making her feel good either.

    Edit to add: Changed my mine. Take the ring and run. Sell the thing, get something decent out of this relationship.
  4. by   Diva
    You must take charge of YOU. You cannot change him, you can only change yourself.

    Sit down with a big piece of paper and answer this question: Am I better off with him or without him?

    Put the positives in one column and the negatives in another.

    Take your time. It may take days for you to complete it.

    Analyze your responses. Make your decision. Next, make more lists to implement your decision....whether it is with him or without him.

    I wish you all the best for an outcome that makes your life better.
  5. by   Brickman
    Kick him to the curb! You deserve better.
  6. by   NurseRatchet26
    Sweetie, you do not deserve a man who belittles and lies to you. Your daughter does not need to be around this. If you stay with him its like telling her that its ok for someone to treat you the way he does. Do you want her to end up in relationships like that? Because in my experience, if that is what she grows up being around that is what she will end up seeking out, unconsciously or not. If you can't dump this loser for yourself, do it for your daughter.
  7. by   ferfer
    Thanks for replies. Sometimes I do not realize how bad it is until I get outside feedback. Prob is- yes he is a great father. But I suppose it is true , he can be a great father and a lousy partner.

    Leaving someone takes courage. Especially when that is all you know. I am only 22, but he has been my life for 5 years. I have grown up with him. Would be like starting a whole new life............guess I do need to weigh the pros and cons and consider my daughter growing up like that. Never stupid can I be!!!
  8. by   indigo
    Yes, you are right. Leaving someone takes courage. Even if they are mean, probably unfaithful and in denial about their substance abuse problem. I wish you all the courage in the world.

    No woman deserves this type of emotional abuse. The others are right: your daughter needs to see you stand up strong and tall and say, NO, I will not be treated this way. I do not deserve this. No one deserves this.

    If he is drinking a bottle of wine a night and acting this way toward you, he is not really a good father, either. Our children learn by example, not lecture or philosophies.

    You are in a domestic violence situation. If there is a women's services type of organization in your area, I recommend you visit, pronto!

    Best of luck to you! I'm so glad you took the first step and that is to write to this forum. You're already on the right track.
  9. by   alli
    You should run as fast and you possibly can away from this guy.
    You deserve to be with someone that makes you happy and loves you no matter what.
    In the long run it's better for you and you daughter will understand even if it takes a bit of time.
  10. by   movealong
    Run, don't walk.

    He drinks a bottle of wine solo each night? Says he has no problem? He belittles you and your weight?

    Now ask yourself what's in this for you?
  11. by   jyoung1950
    accept it - he's not going to change and if you think you can change him, you are in for a miserable life with him.

    why expose your daughter to this bum?

    throw the ring back at him, kick him out and find someone who doesn't have an addiction, isn't an adulterer and isn't abusive.

    after you get rid of the stress of this a$$hole, you'll probably have no problem losing weight.

    and don't let the desperation of having a man in your life cause you to invite another one like this. it's better to have patience and take the time to find a good man. i don't know where you met this guy, but good men cannot be found in bars and nightclubs. those guys are there to score a one-night stand or losers trying to find a woman to take care of them.

    i say this with confidence because i did all the wrong things and ended up with guys like yours. i was hard-headed and insisted to myself that i knew better than all the people who gave me the advice i'm giving you.

    good luck.


    when anything goes, everything does.
  12. by   CherryRN
    "So close to throwing my ring as far as I can and running for dear life"

    This says it all. Run, run as fast as you can. This is a nightmare, and you don't deserve it.

    Listen to the little voice in your head, listen to your gut. Don't make excuses for the guy. He's not for you.

    Break up now. Get rid of him and let the good come into your life. Somewhere there is a great guy for you but you have to make room for him.

    I've been there.

    Best of luck to you.

  13. by   WickedRedRN
    I agree with all the above posters. You need to take care of YOU, and emotional abuse is still just that...ABUSE! Contact a local abuse hotline, center, whatever you need to do to help you through this. While he may be a good father, he is teaching your daughter that this is what a marriage/partnership should be like. I am sure you don't want that as her expectation of what to look for in a partner.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you journey through this!
  14. by   BBFRN
    Have you considered Al-Anon? It might help you get the emotional support you need to figure out what your best options are. I agree with the poster who said you have to focus on yourself- not in blaming/shaming yourself, but on loving yourself enough to set up boundaries for how much you are willing to take from his compulsive behavior. I know from personal experience that he is not going to stop drinking unless and until he is willing to admit he has a problem and decides to take action on it. I also know from personal experience, if you feel like he's cheating on you, he probably is. It might be helpful to you to sit down and figure out just how much you can deal with, and how many consequences you're willing to pay for his actions. He either has to decide he's accountable to you, and that he needs some help, or that he's just fine the way he is. Addiction is a funny thing that way. It'll take down whomever it needs to take down in order to survive, no matter how much the addict loves you. And as much loathing as he shows you at times, I can tell you, he probably feels more loathing toward himself. You have to know that even if he has cheated on you- this isn't about you, OK? Al-Anon can be a great resource for you to learn how to deal with your situation, and you might find a great deal of support from them. And you won't believe how many nurses you'll meet at those meetings. Good luck, and keep us posted on how you're doing. Don't worry about bugging people- you need all the support you can get right now. If you want to, you can PM me, too.