Am I overreacting?

  1. Okay my FIL is working as a contractor in Iraq, he shares a email with his wife who is here. Today I sent out a joke (not offensive at all) and my contact list is set up so I can send things out to All or go through and pick out individuals, so since this was un-offensive I sent it to all. I promptly got a blank email back that said in the subject bar "RE: ...........please stop sending me this goofy stuff." Now I maybe send out 3 emails a month to all, the rest just to MY family and friends and not DHs, so it is not like I am over filling their inbox with junk. My Dh shares my email acct. I have not had a very good relationship with my FIL because he is always rude like this and my DH always thinks I am overreacting.

    So any ways I sent back an email that said "Not a problem I have deleted you from my contact list" Then I got DH a Yahoo acct.,transferred his addy's out of my program and deleted them from mine. Now DH wont speak to me. I know this sounds sort of babyish but I wish just once he would take MY side over his familys.

    Sorry for the rant, just think this is dumb and rude, I mean they could have just said "How are you , hope you are well, BTW please dont send us jokes ect. we dont have time to read them" or something.

    So do you think I overreacted or not? Honestly.
    •  
  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   2ndgenerationnurse
    sounds to me like his reaction set you off b/c maybe it was the last straw in a big pile of straws? i've been there!!! so this one thing may not have normaly bothered you, but b/c the relationship isn't good it just hit you wrong. tell dh that you (and he) are always right when it comes to family, his or yours,and that united you stand, devided you fall. he should put you first and give you the chance to explain the whole reason you feel rejected and have had enough. he should give your feelings validity and support you in your need to stand up for yourself. he should be your hero in this little thing and always in the big things, too!

    dhs don't always understand our need for this, but it is clear to them if the roll is reversed, isn't it? try to figure out why this was the last straw and deal with it (when you feel calmer) so you don't feel regret or hard feelings later.

    that's my thoughts for what it's worth... about 2 cents, i guess!

    hang in there
  4. by   Saved_by_Grace
    [font=lucida sans unicode]i would have probably reacted the same way honestly. i don't get along with my in laws either and it would have rubbed me the wrong way! :angryfire it's probably best that your dh and you have your own accounts anyway and your fil could have been a bit more polite in his response to the unwanted mail. but there's always coulda woulda shoulda's in hind sight unfortunately. good luck to ya, hope the situation gets better soon.
  5. by   Tweety
    Lots of people don't like getting jokes and stuff. You could have simply emailed him back and said "Sorry, won't do that anymore" and left it at that. So I don't think it was all that rude of the in-laws to email you back and say that. So you might be over-reacting just a tad. Although, he might have been more polite about it.

    But as was said, if there's a history of rudeness on their part, the littlest thing can set off something that was building up.

    I think DH is overracting. Good luck.

    But it probably was the perfect time to get separate accounts.
  6. by   chris_at_lucas_RN
    There's certainly no accounting for people's preferences re email, and the degree of rudeness they can send to you to make their point. Personally, I like getting personal email, but I have a son who is usually quite a nice young man, and once upon a time was good to his mother, who sent me a ration of s**t because I attached a return receipt.

    He's in Kuwait (I'm not too worried any more since I figured out he's safer there than doing his civilian job) and readily admits he doesn't even acknowledge the home baked gifts his aunts send him, and since the lack of response looks the same whether he gets my emails or not, I stuck the return receipt on because I wanted to make sure he got the info.

    And my mother doesn't want me to send emails very often or very long, because she doesn't want to take the time to read them.

    Okay. One would think they'd appreciate being thought of and cared about. Maybe not.....

    Like I said, I like getting it, and I feel good about always responding to the ones I receive--but then, I also care about how people feel, about the quality of life in general, about spreading a little good cheer from time to time. I think that's part of why I'm here, and it's one of the nice things about the internet--making a huge divided world into a community.

    There's no accounting for that "other" crowd--permanent bad mood? Chronic arrogance? (Constipated???? LOL)

    I just quit emailing people who don't want it. Period. Let me share my good stuff where it's appreciated.

    I always forget whether this is Proverbs or Shakespeare: cast not your pearls before swine! (Oink!)
  7. by   Rustyhammer
    My sister used to send me "Jesus Spam" all the time in the futile attempt to save my heathon soul. I wouldn't have minded it so much but she never sent me any real info aobut herself, what she was up to these days etc...just the constant fowards she got from her online crusaders.
    I finally told her to stop sending me these, to please just write me once in awhile. She got hurt and now I don't hear from her at all.
    I don't like getting everyone elses junk mail either.
    -Russell
  8. by   Energizer Bunny
    Quote from 2ndgenerationnurse
    sounds to me like his reaction set you off b/c maybe it was the last straw in a big pile of straws? i've been there!!! so this one thing may not have normaly bothered you, but b/c the relationship isn't good it just hit you wrong. tell dh that you (and he) are always right when it comes to family, his or yours,and that united you stand, devided you fall. he should put you first and give you the chance to explain the whole reason you feel rejected and have had enough. he should give your feelings validity and support you in your need to stand up for yourself. he should be your hero in this little thing and always in the big things, too!
    i agree with this completely. my mil is finally "getting it" that when i say or do something about my family (kids) that that's it and bry is finally backing me up on this. i do not blame you for getting angry if it has always been a problem with him and i think you need to try to sit down with your dh and have a nice long talk. i am not sure really what triggered my dh to be supportive now, but i sure am grateful that he is! good luck!
  9. by   mercyteapot
    I have a FIL much like your's. Telling any one particular story about things he's done would make it sound like my desire to steer clear of him is overreaction, but telling the entire story would make it seem more understandable. It sounds like you're in the same boat. I have given up on dh talking to his father about the way he behaves. I figure I have to choose my battles, and this isn't one I'm likely to win. As far as having separate email accounts, that makes more sense anyway, although IMHO, it would have been a better idea to set up a separate account for yourself and let your husband's contacts stay in the other one. Don't most ISPs allow you more than one account?
  10. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Personally, I hate getting forwards and endless jokes and stuff myself. It clogs my email and I have not the time to read it all. I much prefer personal correspondence and newsy items from family and friends. But I realize people doing this mean well and would NEVER had been as rude as your FIL was.

    yes, sure, He could have put it in a nicer way, but you too, can control your reaction and how you feel. If he is someone who is not very nice, and you don't like well, then all the less to feel badly about, right? If he were someone you got along with well and respected, you might feel bad for about......5 minutes. In either case, you fire off an email saying what TWEETY said:

    "Sorry this sort of material bothers you. There will be no more forthcoming."

    You are not gonna change this man in his or your lifetime. Just get over it....... Life is too short to get upset over email disputes. (((HUGS)))
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Jun 17, '04
  11. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from BRANDY LPN
    So do you think I overreacted or not? Honestly.
    Well it's better than having someone block your emails without telling you why. I had been in the habit of VERY occasionally sending my brother something of a spiritual nature that seemed to fit his circumstances -- probably 10% of the emails I'd send him, the rest were personal notes and a joke here and there.

    Suddenly my emails to him started to be returned, he stopped returning my phone calls when I left messages. When I mentioned it to my dad, he said it was because of the religious stuff.

    My bro could have TOLD me not to send that kind of thing, but instead we have been estranged for 3 years.

    A little communication goes a LONG way!
  12. by   JUSTYSMOM
    Hi,

    My husband once did that to an old co-worker's daughter. She kept us on her group email list. So every time she sent something out (which was quite often), we would get the email. It was getting very annoying. So my husband simply got fed up. He responded one day with something to the effect of "Please take us out of your email list and stop sending us your group emails"

    Well, the next day at work, my co-woker came up to me and said that she heard from her daghter. She said that it was very rude of him to send an email like that to her. She stopped talking to me for a long time.

    I guess people do get offended by stuff like that. But since you have a strained relationship with your FIL, I can understand why you reacted that way. It would have been nice if he first asked how you and the family were (etc) and then mentioned something about not sending him the emails.

    Now about your husband not talking to you...um..I think that is a bit (ok, alot) babyish of him. He should stick by your side, even if he thinks your wrong. He is married to YOU, right?
  13. by   MelissaRN
    Quote from Rustyhammer
    My sister used to send me "Jesus Spam" all the time in the futile attempt to save my heathon soul. I wouldn't have minded it so much but she never sent me any real info aobut herself, what she was up to these days etc...just the constant fowards she got from her online crusaders.
    I finally told her to stop sending me these, to please just write me once in awhile. She got hurt and now I don't hear from her at all.
    I don't like getting everyone elses junk mail either.
    -Russell

    Rusty, that sounds like my sister. She sends fowarded things like sad stories, jokes, and all these "inspirational" stories when what I really want is an email from HER. Usually when I see something from here that has fwd... in the subject line I delete it. I don't read anything from her that isn't a personal letter. I don't tell her not to send stuff and she doesn't have to know that I just delete it.
  14. by   smk1
    that seems pretty rude of him! and if i were you i would not backdown with DH, you didn't do anything wrong, and it sounds like his family has a pattern of rude behavior with you. Tell him how you feel about it in a calm but no nonsense manner. Let him know how you expect to be treated and go on about your daily business. No one should have to put up with people behaving like that, especially when all you were doing was thinking he might appreciate a funny joke.

close