Am I hypersensitive/overreacting? Please be kind but honest..(PS VERBIOSE RANT ALERT)

  1. Ok, let me preface this by saying that i love Jay dearly...he is normally probably about the closest to a soulmate as could exist for me...

    second preface: our water sucks...tap water is not potable...lab says it is...UGH...iron and sulfur, no help from water softening system...we used to buy the 5 gallons things of water for the water cooler...that got costly, so we started taking them to my mom's and refilling them there...she has city water...(sigh)..our water is so rich in iron that my hair turned orange..i am a natural blonde...spent 5-6 hours at the hairdresser getting the rust stripped out fo my i bring gallon jugs to mom's to fill and use that to wash my hair with...

    SOOooo..we get on each other's nerves at times, normal for most any couple living under the same roof...He by nature is neat..I am not...not dirty, but messy...i have few, if any organizational 2nd greatest Xmas gift would be for someone to come in an reorganize the kitchen..first greatest would be a monthly or even qo month housecleaner...

    anyhoo...he gets cranky with me due to my deificient housekeeping & organizational skills...also because i usually knwo where most things are, even if it makes no sense why they are where they are...he can look and look and look for something and i can walk up and pull it out of a cupboard with barely a glance...

    so...he was looking for uniforms, which i had actually hung upstairs in our closet, on his rod even...couldn' t find them..i said fill a pot up with waterand put it ont the stove for pasta and i will go get them....he came up after me and said "we are out of water, when do you plan on getting more?" {i had told him the other day that we were getting very low} i said"what? when do I plan on getting more? I have no intention of getting water...when would you like for US to go get water?" he went into a tirade about why couldn't i do it myself....what was the big deal.. i informed him that i could not in this lifetime hold the jugs up on the kitchen counter at my mom's and fill them , then carry them out to the truck...{ those fri99ers are heavy...i have enough trouble even lifting them to change them out }
    i re-emphasized that i did not feel i could safely do that, and asked him what on earth made him think that i could? he again stated he did not understand what the big deal was about me doing it myself, that i could carry 4-1gallon jugs with both hands..what was 1 more gallon, and in a single container to boot.. and prior to that, (this is the ISSUE for me)..he said "well, your size for one thing. " then "you're not weak."

    Now.. I am 5'4"....and i am overweight and extremely self-conscious about it...the only time i have been thin or close to average, were under unhealthy conditions...have gotten much more comfortable in my skin as i age...but if i had a million dollars...liposuction, here i come...
    despite my obesity, i do have curves...i have a waist where a waist should be...(which actually makes it hard to find plus size clothes that fir right) i have been told i have a pretty face and wear my weight well, whatever the hell that means...
    I have more bounce for the ounce and more cushion for the pushin'....i got back..i got junk in my trunk...

    i can joke about it...but it's still a raw nerve in my life...

    so, friends, sisters, i overreacting by being upset about the size comment?
  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   aus nurse

    Sounds like he was in a cranky mood for sure. I think the point here is that as your hubby, he would know that you are extremly sensitive about your size. So whether he meant it as an innocent comment or not, he should have known it would hurt you.
    So, no I do not think you are over reacting. I am sure you are beautiful, and that he thinks so too. I just think he should know better than to make comments about your size.
  4. by   Mattigan
    No, I don't think you are. If that is what you are sensitive about and he knows it - he was wrong to use it as fuel for a disagreement. A remake of an old saying.... Sticks and stones can break my bones... but words can REALLY hurt me.

    I think you are right.
  5. by   l.rae
    gee Sunny, we must be soul mates!..l can totally relate to every thing you said!....even the size and the waist and the plus size clothes not a matter of fact....the first time l saw your picture ..(it was the one where Heather plastered your face on the chick with the scantly clad bod)...l pm'd heather to see who it was cause l was did heather get my picture?.....if l could find the pic of me a few yrs ago where l had my hair longer and pinned uplike you do in that pic...AND IF l had any computer skills.....l'd send it to you......BAck to the question...l don't think you over reacted at all....gee, men...c'mon...he had to know it's not a compliment.....However, l have learned in my ''numerous'' years here on earth that men CAN be that kind of got to train them not pout a guy finally figured it out...and we are almost 11 yrs down the road raised etc. l have 2 words of advice when it comes to this ''training''....Pavlov's(sp) dogs! .......cheer up...l think we're cute chicks... ....LR
  6. by   Mattigan
    You've posted pictures of yourself- you are very pretty. He probably just threw that out there - not thinking but if you don't let him know ihow you feel- it'll just slip out again.:kiss
  7. by   LasVegasRN
    I'm interested in the guy's point of view on this one.

    But, coming from someone who has NO MAN at all... All I can say is if he loved me despite my size and I felt he was my soulmate, I don't think I'd take it that way. But, remember that is coming from my No-Man-Havin' self. Should I just shut up?
  8. by   sunnygirl272
    Originally posted by LasVegasRN
    I'm interested in the guy's point of view on this one.

    But, coming from someone who has NO MAN at all... All I can say is if he loved me despite my size and I felt he was my soulmate, I don't think I'd take it that way. But, remember that is coming from my No-Man-Havin' self. Should I just shut up?
    no, don't shut up...i value your opinion, Deneen....i am also interested in male point of view....
  9. by   aus nurse
    Good point Vegas

    So is he just being a clueless male or did he know it would hurt?
    Sunny, what do you think?
  10. by   sunnygirl272
    Originally posted by aus nurse
    Good point Vegas

    So is he just being a clueless male or did he know it would hurt?
    Sunny, what do you think?
    i dunno...i mean, i know he didn't say it to totally wound me...but dunno if it was total testosterone-related cluelessness, or if he lashed out in a spat of frustration, wanting to hurt, but not to the point that it did...
    now, dont anyone go taking that the wrong way and giving me the abuse lecture...we have all said purposely said somewhat hurtful things in anger!!!
  11. by   aus nurse
    Oh gawd yes, I have done it plenty of times. Always feel badly after (excepting when I was with my ex, and his whole mission in life was to say hurtful things i think)

    I know from your posts Jay is your soulmate. I think it is as you say, either clueless or just lashing out. That spur of the minute thing when you taking out your frustrations on the ones closest to you.I guess you just need to clarify with him how much it affects you. I will bet that he will be mortified how much it hurt.
  12. by   LasVegasRN
    I think he meant it in that since we're "robust" girls and all that he thought you could carry the water. I don't think he meant to be insensitive or say something derogatory about your weight.

    I remain (probably forever),
    No-Havin'-Man Vegas
  13. by   aus nurse
    I still think he should know how much it hurts you and should avoid making those comments coz he loves ya.

    I bet though that coz he thinks you are so beautiful he really can not totally understand how self concious you are and doesn't realise the magnitude of commenting on it. To him, it would not be even something he thinks about. He probably really was just thinking you were strong enough to carry the water and coz he never thinks about your size in a bad way, doesn't think to stop and reflect how much it affects you.
  14. by   BadBird
    HMMMMMMMMMMM, let me think about this one. I have noticed many many times that when a person is tall or heavy they are perceived as being strong and healthy. Have you ever noticed that a tall child is often expected to act as if they are older than they are actually are? That was my observation anyway. I wonder if your hubby just sees you as strong and did not realize that you needed help with the water. As far as his comment about your size I don't think he meant to hurt your feelings just insensitive on his part. Of course I don't know either of you and this is just a guess on my part. I think I would let him know that he seriously hurt your feelings and that your weight is off limits.