Age differences in relationships

  1. Ok, this came up on the age thread, and Renee and I felt it should have its own thread.
    How many of you have significant age differences in your romantic relationships and what problems/joys has it brought you?
    I am 25 and my significant other is almost exactly 20 years older than me, she's 45.
    It works for us, in a lot of ways. She's older so she's more settled than people my age. It was important for me to find someone with stability because of the way my childhood was. I needed someone reliable and stable. She's also more in tune with what she wants out of life, more comfortable being herself, and more able to be honest and forthcoming. All positive things.
    I grew up *extremely* fast because of some terrible things that happened in my childhood, and I have always felt years older than my contemporaries.
    Sometimes its more difficult, though. In our worst moments, she sees me as irresponsible and self-absorbed (who? me?), I see her as stubborn and overbearing.
    Anyone have anything to contribute?
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  2. 60 Comments

  3. by   adrienurse
    I am not interested in men that are my age. There is something about seasoned men that just appeals to me. My current crush is 39 years old (I am 25). At that age, they are so much more secure with themselves. They are more likely to know who they are and what they want with their lives. They're more likely to have their shyte together, which is a very good thing. I saw a very good looking man the other day, seasoned with age and handsome, with lovely creases at the corners of his eyes that were set off by his gorgeous tan. Ummmmmm. Now that is sexy.
  4. by   Mattigan
    Men my age are usually interested in women half our age. The one's I've met that aren't have been either gay or still live with their elderly mother- except this one who is too evangalestically ( I suppose that's the nice way to put it) religious for me (us Presbyterians are a little more low key). Heck, this guy is too religious for my friends who do go to the Evangelistic Temple.
  5. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    There's only 4 years between me and my hubby (I'm 26, he's 30). But on the maturity scale, I'm still light years ahead of him.

    All of the men I find attractive are significantly older than me. I think that if I were to ever get married again, I would want someone at least 10 years older than me. Mmmmm....

    Heather
  6. by   nurseratchett29
    I have always been involved with older men. My first serious relationship was when I was 19==he was 36. I was involved with someone who was 47 when I was 32, someone was 59 (but you'd never believe it) when I was 35. Currently, I'm 37 and Ray is 52.
  7. by   Beach_RN
    My husband is 8 years older than me, I am 35 he is 43, When my husband and I started dating, I had to use a fake ID to get into clubs with him because I wasn't 21 yet! Sometimes, we would got out with his friends and I wouldn't be allowed into a bar, and we would have to leave....everybody else would stay!

    However, I wouldn' have it any other way. Was never attracted to men the same age as me, they just didn't have the act together...My dad is is 11 years older than my mom...

    Maybe that's why I was always attracted to men older than me!
  8. by   live4today
    When a teenager, I really liked the "older man" idea. I had a serious "unspoken" crush on my tenth grade Algebra teacher. He was this gorgeous blue eyed blond hunk with a tan and a smile that would cause any teenaged girl to blush. :blushkiss

    I met my first hubby at age 15. He was several years older and already signed up for the Army. When I was 18, I married him...had 3 kids...stayed married 18 years. He left for blonder pastures...a woman who was only one year younger, but a hell of a lot richer than me. He didn't like me being successful and college educated, but it was okay for him and her to be. Go figure. Some MEN!

    As soon as the turkey flew the coop, I started having the time of my life.....only thing is.....I STILL wanted to date older men, but all the guys who approached me were YOUNGER than me (anywhere from a few years to 15 years). They initially thought I WAS their age because at 35, I looked like a 21 year old. Not bragging, just telling the truth here. Every restaurant I ate at where I ordered a drink, I got carded...but they never carded my younger dates. Every club I would go in, I was carded before they would serve me a drink, but they never carded my younger dates there either. I was refused entrance into a club because I forgot my ID and they would NOT let me in because they didn't believe I was old enough to get in. Get my drift? Okay.

    I joined a Dating Club to meet "the OLDER man"......they were soooooo OLD in their thinking and soooooo wanting to boss me around and treat me like 'their PROPERTY'..........I had to cut that scene loose. :chuckle

    So......I gave in to the YOUNGER man as long as he looked good, had a LIFE going on for himself, had a really decent paying JOB... I wasn't about to "take care of" ANY man......regardless of his age.

    I dated men of all ethnic cultures, classes, religions, races.......and then came my current hubby. I NEVER even knew his age UNTIL we went to apply for our marriage license an hour before we were married at the same courthouse. :chuckle My hubby is 12 years younger than me, and we've been best buds, best sex partners and lousy marriage material ever since.......it's worked out great! :chuckle

    Now.......I PREFER being with YOUNGER men. They respect me more, they carry their own weight, they don't expect me to be their slave in the home, and the sex is phenomenal......can't say I ever enjoyed sex this much with OLDER men.....they couldn't hang with me...they weren't half bad in the sex department, but just not BAD ENOUGH for me...if you know what I mean. Even my 38 year old husband now says I'm going to be the death of him in the bedroom department. :chuckle
    Last edit by live4today on Aug 6, '02
  9. by   LasVegasRN
    I very briefly dated a guy 19 years older than I. I'm 36 (will be 37 on Friday, yay!) and he is 55. Quite a young 55. At first, I would not date any males over 50 because of the erectile dysfunction issues that come up around that age. At first things were great and he didn't have that problem, but then, as things went along I found out he was not taking his blood pressure medication and once he started taking it, he had the problem. Oh well.
    I don't base a relationship around sex, but I have come to realize that it is indeed extremely important. I told him his health was much more important than sex. So, that relationship ended. I'm going to go back to my original thinking to stick with guys my age or younger.
  10. by   delirium
    That's an interesting point, Vegas.
    Of course I don't have to worry about erectile dysfunction issues... but I have the female equivalent to contend with....
    MENOPAUSE
    I quite honestly thought I was going to kill her.
    She has since had a TAH-BSO and is on Estratest, so her sex drive is back up (not like it was before, but at least we have some action) and her moods are a bit more stable.
  11. by   live4today
    A few weeks ago, I was watching the news when the newscaster announced a special study that had been done on older/younger relationships. The findings of the study stated that women SHOULD date and marry men YOUNGER than them because of the life expectancy of women vs. men... and how the women get BETTER with age...sexually speaking, and men tend to DECLINE as they get older...sexually speaking. It made me feel good about my decision to be with younger men.
  12. by   LasVegasRN
    Right about now I would need a 19 year old to keep up with my.. er, uh... drive.
  13. by   delirium
    That's good news, Renee.
    That means, with our longer lifespans, I have at least 40 more years of her to put up with.
    Oh happy day.

    Just kidding.... I love her, but somedays I'd like to run over her with my car.
  14. by   Beach_RN
    men tend to DECLINE as they get older...sexually speaking. It made me feel good about my decision to be with younger men.
    That's what they say! but not in my case.. my hubby is just as randy as when we 1st met! Sometime I ask him when is his drive going to slow down! He wants it allllllll the timeeeeeee!

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