Actual things said in court!

  1. I came upon this from a music/recording focused bulletin board. Obviously it's not about music . . . and it's not about nursing either! It's about things said in court. (Almost as funny as charting bloopers!) I pissed my pants when I read this. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! Ted

    These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
    forgotten?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
    morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximately milepost 499
    Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
    A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.
    A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
    occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
    lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
    which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the

    autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
    somewhere.

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  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   kittyw
    :roll

    Now my kid is wondering why mommy's laughing so hard!
  4. by   adrienurse
    I happen to have many patients who aren't qualified to give urine samples.
  5. by   NurseyNursey
  6. by   Sleepyeyes
    :roll BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!! :roll
  7. by   Mama Val
    :chuckle :roll
  8. by   andrewsgranny
    OMG Is this for real?
  9. by   Stargazer
    Sitting here laughing like a loon. That made my whole morning--thanks, Ted!
  10. by   l.rae
    ROTFLMAO.................:roll :roll
  11. by   night owl
    Ted,
    With some of those questions, I've come to the conclusion that the lawyers in these cases are quite brainless just as the Doc did with the last statement...Thanks for the laugh!

    :roll :roll
  12. by   debralynn
    ROFLMAO This made my evening. Even had to call my sister and read them over the phone. THANKS for the laughs!!!!

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